The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night Volume XV Part 13

MOHAMMED THE SHALABI AND HIS MISTRESS AND HIS WIFE.[FN#455]

It is told among the many things which happened in Cairo the G.o.d-guarded that therein dwelt a man who was an Emir and who had a son Mohammed Shalabi[FN#456] hight, a youth in his day unique for beauty and loveliness, nor in his time was there his peer for comeliness and seemlihead amongst women or amongst men. Now when he had attained the age of ten and was approaching p.u.b.erty, his sire betrothed him and wedded him to a fair wife who loved him with fondest love even after marriage. There was also in Misr a Kazi al-'Askar, a Judge of the Army, who had a daughter singular for form and favour and bloom and brilliancy, and stature and symmetric grace and she was known as Sitt al-Husn--the Lady of Loveliness. Now one chance day of the days she went forth together with her mother and the handmaidens to the Baths and when they reached the half way behold, they were confronted by the young Shalabi whose glance fell upon the girl and her glance lit upon the youth, wherefrom love and affection for him settled in her heart and it was with him after the same fas.h.i.+on.

Presently she began to send him messages and letters and he to do on like guise, yet could neither win possession of other nor indeed could the twain meet privately in one place. This endured for the s.p.a.ce of three years therefore were their hearts melted in fire of mutual love-longing, until on a certain day when desire in the girl surged high for her lover and likewise did his yearning for his beloved; withal neither availed to win union.

Hereupon befel them sore travail and trouble and the young lady sent an old woman to her dearling praying him to meet her in such a site; and when the go-between had informed him thereof, he arose to obey her without stay or delay, unknowing what was hidden from him in the Secret Purpose. He fared till he came to the place in question when it was the hour of sunset and here the Shalabi forgathered with the Kazi's daughter who had kept tryst with him accompanied by her handmaidens; and anon the twain, he and she, repaired to a retired spot. Now by the decree of the Decreer which is written upon the foreheads and the brows of mankind, one of the folk belonging to the Chief of Police was loitering about the place when the couple entered that secret stead; and as soon as they had settled themselves comfortably, each began complaining to other of the pangs of separation. After this the handmaidens brought to them food, meat and wine, and they ate and drank and toyed and were cheered and made merry from set of sun till the noon o' night and they conversed together as boon companions until either was fulfilled of other and the pains of parting had vanished from their hearts. Such was the case with the lover and the beloved; but as regards the Wali's man who was looking upon them and listening, he well knew the place wherein the couple had retired and having noted it and certified himself thereof, he went to the Chief of Police and made his report saying, "In such a site of such a ward are a man and a maid whereupon show the signs of affluence, and doubtless an thou seize them thou shalt easily get from each and either some fifteen purses." The Wali hearing these words forthwith led out his party and marched with them to the spot appointed; and he ceased not wending for half the night until they all came to the trysting place. Then he pushed forward axe[FN#457] in hand and smote the door and broke it down; and forthright he rushed into the room without being expected by the youth or the young lady whom he found sitting together in the very height of enjoyment.

But when they saw him suddenly appear they were consterned and confounded and confused as to their affair, so he arrested them and led them off and carried them to his house, where he placed them in prison.[FN#458] Forthwith the bruit concerning the youth went abroad and reached his family; to wit, how Mohammed Shalabi had been seized by the Chief of Police, together with the girl his beloved. Now after imprisoning them the Wali said, "This pair shall remain with me for a day or two days and until I catch them in their robbery;"[FN#459] but quoth one of the party, "Indeed thou knowest not and thou hast not learnt that this damsel is the daughter of the Kazi of the Army who throughout the past year wrought for the slaying of thee by the Sultan." And hardly had the Wali heard these words than his heart was filled with joy and he exclaimed, "By Allah, needs must I have his wench disgraced and proclaimed by bell[FN#460] about the thoroughfares of Cairo and him dishonoured in the presence of the Sultan and degraded from his degree." Now when it was morning-tide a rumour flew about town that the Judge's daughter had been seized by the Wali and the watch together with the young Shalabi in a certain place and presently the report reached her father who cried, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! O Saving G.o.d, save me! Oh, vile disgrace and foul dishonour before Sultan and subjects who shall say the Kazi's daughter hath been seduced and abused. However may the Veiler enveil me!" On his part the Wali went up to the Palace and sought the Sovran to acquaint him therewith; but, finding that he had business, he sat him down to await its ending when he purposed informing him concerning the daughter of his enemy the Chief Kazi. On such wise it befel him; but as regards the wife of the youth who was lover to the girl, as soon as the rumour reached her that the Shalabi had been arrested by the Wali and the watch, she arose to her feet without stay and delay and doffing whatso of woman's dress was upon her--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day, and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.

Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Seventy-fourth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that as soon as the Shalabi's wife was informed touching her husband how the Wali had seized him in company with the Kazi's daughter, she arose forthright and doffing whatso of woman's dress was upon her and donning man's disguise provided herself with somewhat of provaunt[FN#461] and went forth intending for the gaol in the Wali's house. She asked for the road as she went and a man of the people directed her to the office until she reached the place carrying her victuals; then she enquired for the gaoler. So they made him meet her and quoth she, "Open to me the prison wherein they have gaoled the Shalabi and the maiden," and she promised him by signs a gold piece; hereupon he admitted her and she pa.s.sed into the room where lay her spouse and the girl and set meat before him. But he knew her not and cried, "Indeed I will nor eat nor drink, and do thou fare from me and leave me in this my plight." Quoth she, "Nay, thou must eat and gladness shall befal thee." Accordingly he came forward and ate a small matter and she after sitting with him for an hour or so, arose and doffed her man's dress. Then she stripped the Kazi's daughter of all the clothes she was wearing and garbed her in the masculine garb wherewith she had entered to the twain. The young lady did as she was bidden and showed likest to the Shalabi's wife who lastly served her with what remained of the meat and said to her, "Up with thee and hie thee home." So the Kazi's daughter fared forth under the disguise of a dainty youth such an one as he who anon had entered the gaol; and as soon as she had wended her way the wife took seat beside her husband. When he saw her habited in the habit of the Kazi's daughter he recognised her and knew her for his spouse; so he asked of her, "What hath brought thee hither?" and she answered, "I have come with this contrivance for the purpose of saving thee and of saving the honour of the girl thou lovest." But as soon as the Kazi's daughter had departed in her disguise the gaoler was deaf to entreaty and closed the prison doors upon the pair and the Shalabi and his spouse sat down together and his heart was satisfied and his secret was safe-directed,[FN#462] and fell from him all the sorrow which had settled upon his heart. Such was the case with these two; but as regards the Chief of Police, when he went up to the Sultan and saw that he was busied he took patience until the work was ended, after which he came forward and kissed ground before him and salam'd to him and blessed him. The King returned his salute and then said, "What is to do?" and said he, "O King of the Age. I found during the past night the Lady Sitt al-Husn, daughter to the Kazi al-'Askar, companying with her lover a certain Mohammed Shalabi son of the Emir Such-and-such; so I seized the couple and confined them by me and now I myself come to report the case in thy presence." When the Sultan heard these words, he was wroth with exceeding wrath and his eyes flashed red and his outer jugulars[FN#463] swelled and he foamed at the mouth and roaring cried, "How can it be that the daughter of the Kazi al-Islam companieth with a lover and alloweth herself to be debauched? By Allah, needs must I slay her and slay her father and slay the youth her lover." Thus befel it with the Sultan and the Wali; but as regards the matter of the girl Sitt al-Husn, when she went forth the prison in the dress of a Shalabi, a dainty youth, she ceased not wending till she reached her paternal home. Here she repaired to a place which was private and having doffed her man's dress garbed her in maidenly garments, then retiring secretly to her own room lay her down and her heart was heartened and trouble and turmoil and travail of mind fell from her. Now at that time her mother was lamenting like a funeral mourner and buffeting her face and her breast and kept crying out, "Oh the shame of us! Oh the dishonour of us! When they shall have informed the Sultan of this, he shall surely slay her sire." And the Kazi waxed distraught and full of thought and he also said in his mind, "How shall I remain Kazi al-Islam when the folk of Cairo say, 'Verily the daughter of our Lord High Chancellor hath been debauched?'"

With these words he kept visiting his wife's apartment and sitting with her for awhile, then faring forth and coming in from place to place[FN#464] and he wandered about like one bewildered of wits. When behold, a handmaid of the handmaidens entered the room wherein lay the Kazi's daughter and finding her strown upon her bed looked upon her and recognised her. So she left her and running in her haste hied her to the mistress and cried, "O my lady, indeed Sitt al-Husn of whom you are talking is lying down in such a room of the Harem." Thereupon the mother arose and went and came upon her daughter, so she rejoiced in her and returning to the Kazi in his apartment acquainted him therewith. He also repaired to his daughter's bower and finding her therein quoth he, "Where hast thou been?" Quoth she, "O my father, my head began to ache after sunset-time, so I lay me down in this place."

Hereupon without stay or delay the Kazi took horse, he and his Officials, and repaired to the Sultan--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!"

Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Seventy-sixth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Kazi of the Army repaired to the Sultan, he and the whole of his officials, and he ceased not wending until he entered the presence, where he salam'd and said, "O King of the Age, is it lawful and allowed of Allah Almighty that thy Wali charge us with calumnious charge and false?" As the Chief of Police was standing hard by, the Sultan asked him, "How can the Wali have misspoken thee and thy daughter when she is still imprisoned by him and in his house?" whereto the Chief of Police added, "'Tis true! his daughter is surely with us in durance vile, she along with her lover, for indeed I found the pair in such a place." Said the Kazi, "O King of the Age, I will abide here beside thee and do thou let the Wali go down and bring before thee that which is with him in gaol, and the case shall be made manifest, because hearing with the ear is not like eyeing with the eye." The Sultan replied, "This rede is right," whereupon the Chief of Police returned to his house and ordered the gaoler to open the gaol and bring thereout the maiden Sitt al-Husn and her lover the youth Mohammed Shalabi. The man did his bidding and leading forth of prison the couple committed them to the Chief of Police who took them and fared with them to the Sovran, rejoicing the while with all joy. The citizens of Cairo heard of all this, so they flocked in crowds to solace them with the spectacle; and when the Wali reached the presence, the maiden and the young man being with him, he set them before the Sultan. Presently the King asked the youth saying, "Who mayest thou be, O young man, and who is thy father?" and answered he, "I am son of such an Emir;" when the King who believed that she was the daughter of the Chief Kazi continued, "And this maiden that is with thee, who may she be and whose daughter?" The youth replied, "This is my wife, O King of the Age," and the King rejoined, "How can she be thy wife?" So the youth retorted, "Indeed she is; and Such-an-one and So-and-so and Such-another together with a host of thy favoured courtiers wot right well that she is my spouse and that she is the daughter of So-and-so." Hereupon they accosted her and bespoke her and she bespake them, so they recognised her and were certified that she was lawful wife to the Shalabi. Then asked the King, "How is it that the Wali arrested thee and her?" and the youth answered, "O King of the Age, I went out with this my wife intending to enjoy ourselves and, finding a place that was cheerful and pleasant we tarried there until midnight when the Wali broke in upon us and seized us, scandalously declaring that I was companying with the Kazi's daughter. Then he carried us off and gaoled us in his house and now (Alham-dolillah!) here we are between thy hands. So do thou whatso thou will and command according to Holy Law and whoever shall deserve chastis.e.m.e.nt deal it to him, for thou art the lord of our necks and the master of our good." Now when the youth spake these words the King bade put to death the Chief of Police and harry his house and enslave his women and he commanded the Crier before the execution to cry about the thoroughfares of Cairo in front of the Wali that he was being led to die and declare, "This is the award of him who dishonoureth the n.o.ble and chargeth the folk with lying charges and false!" After that they slew the Chief of Police and thus carried out the King's commandment.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night, an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Seventy-seventh Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that after the Wali had been put to death the Sultan bestowed his good upon Mohammed Shalabi and having gifted him with munificent gifts sent him home with his spouse in all honour. And when the youth returned to his quarters he fell to kissing his wife's hands and feet, for that he had been saved at her hands by the stratagem she had wrought for him and she had preserved the honour of the Kazi's daughter and had enabled her father to prevail over his enemy the Wali.[FN#465] "And now I will relate to thee" (quoth Shahrazad) "another tale touching the wiles of women;" and thereupon she fell to recounting the story of

THE FELLAH AND HIS WICKED WIFE.[FN#466]

There was of olden time in the land of Egypt a Fellah, or tiller of the ground, who had a fair woman to wife and she had another man to friend. The husband used to sow every year some fifty faddan[FN#467] of seeding-wheat wherein there was not one barley-grain, and grind it in the mill and pa.s.s this meal to his spouse who would sift it and bolt it. Then would she take the softest and best of the flour to make thereof either scones or cakes[FN#468] or something more toothsome which she would give to her friend and feed him therewith, whereas the refuse of the flour[FN#469] she would make into loaves for her husband so this bread would be ruddy-brown of hue.[FN#470] Now every day about dawn-time the Fellah was wont fare to his field either to ear or to delve and tarry there working till noon at which time the wife would send him the bread of bran and refuse flour, whilst to those beside him who wrought as he did would be brought from their homes white bread and clean. So they said, "Ho certain person! thy wheat is from fine sowing-seed, nor is there in it a barley-corn, how then be your bread like unto barley?" Quoth he, "I know not." He remained in such case for a while of time whilst his wife fed her playmate with all the good food and served to her husband the vilest of diet, until one chance day of the days the Fellah took his plough and went off at early dawn to work and wrought till midday when his wife sent him his dinner of dirty bread. Hereupon he and his neighhours, who were earing in the same field, took seat and each one set before him white bread and seeing the Fellah's scones brown as barley-meal they marvelled thereat. They had with them a scald-head boy who was sitting with them at the noon-meal, so they said to the peasant, "Take thee to servant this youngster and he shall manifest thee the case wherein thou art from the doings of thy dame." He obeyed their bidding--And Shahrazad was suprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Seven Hundred and Seventy-eighth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Fellah obeyed their bidding and took with him the scald-head youngster for house-service and on the second day the lad fell to grinding at the mill and carried the meal to his mistress and sat beside her and anon she rose and sifted and bolted the flour; still he stayed by her stealthily watching her while she kneaded it and balled it and breaded it. After this he carried off the early meal for his master and faring to the field set it before him and when the Fellah looked upon it he cried, "O Boy, by Allah this bread is white and 'tis clean unlike the foregone." Quoth he, "O my master, I have ground it with my own hands and I sat beside my mistress the while she got it ready, kneading it and baking it, wherefor she availed not to do aught else with it." Now when the servant-lad had left the hut her lover came in asking, "Hast thou made bread for me?" and she answered, "Indeed the boy with the scald-head ceased not sitting beside me, nor was I able to bake aught for thee." But when the lad had gone forth to the field with his master's dinner he set it before him and returned in hot haste and hurry to the house, where he found the friend of his mistress conversing with her; so he hid himself behind the door and fell to overhearing them and to noting whatso they said.

Amongst other things quoth she, "Take this quartern of good wheat and clean grain and grind it in this mill and I will make thee a platter of bread from handrubbed flour[FN#471] which I will send to thee on the morrow." Asked he, "How shalt thou know the field?" and she answered, "Carry with thee a basket of bran and drop the contents as thou walkest along the highway; then leave it hard by the land belonging to thee and I will follow the traces and find thee a-field; and so do thou remain at rest." All this and the scald-head boy was standing behind the door hearkening to their words until he had understood them all. On the next day the lad took a basket of bran which he scattered on the way to his master's land and then sat with him whilst the wife, after baking the platter full of scones, carried it upon her head and fared forth intending for her lover in the field.

She marked the traces of the bran which the scald-head had dropped and she ceased not following them until she came to her husband's field. Hereupon the lad arose and taking the platter from her said, "By Allah, O my master, verily my mistress loveth thee and favoureth thee, for that she hath brought a bannock made from handrubbed grain;" and so saying he set it before him.

Presently she looked out of the corner of her eye and saw her lover ploughing at a little distance from them; so she said to her husband, "Allah upon thee, O certain person, call aloud to so-and-so our neighbour that he may come and eat the noon meal with thee." The man said, "'Tis well;" and presently added, "O Boy, go forth and shout to such-an-one." Now the lad had brought with him a parcel of green dates, so he arose and scattered them at intervals upon the highway; and when he came to his mistress's lover he cried aloud, "Do thou come dine with my master." But the man refused so to do wherefore the scald-head returned and said, "He will not;" and hereupon the wife bade her husband go himself and fetch him. The Fellah trudged along the highway and finding thereon the scattered dates bowed himself downwards to gather them when the lover said to himself, "This one is picking up stones wherewith to beat me;'"[FN#472] and as he saw the man often stoop he fled and left the place, and the more the other cried to him, "Come hither, O certain person," the faster sped he in his running.--And Shahrazad was suprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Seventy-ninth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting, and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the more that man cried to the lover "Come," the faster did he run away; so the Fellah returned and said, "He misliketh to come and he hath fled." Hereupon he took seat together with the scald-head and the neighbours to dine off the scones of hand-rubbed grain, and the wife served to them whatso she had made for her lover's eating and she would not touch aught thereof but left it for her spouse and for his servant and for the neighbours. On the following day the Fellah went forth betimes to plough whilst the boy, delaying purposely at home, hid himself behind the door when behold, the lover entered to her, and she said, " 'Tis my desire that we forge a story whereby to slay my husband and Master Scald-head the servant." Quoth he, "How wilt thou slay them?" and quoth she, "I will buy for them poison and make it up in cooked food, so they may devour it together and perish together; after which we will abide, I and thou, making merry, nor shall the dead disturb us any more." He rejoined, "Do what thou willest," and all this whilst the boy stood listening to them behind the door. But as soon as the lover went forth the house, the lad arose and retired; then, donning Jews' garb he shouldered a pair of saddle-bags and went about crying, "Ho!

Aloes good for use. Ho! Pepper[FN#473] good for use. Ho! Kohl good for use. Ho! Tutty good for use!" Now when the woman saw him she came forth the house and hailed him, "Ho thou the Jew!" and said he to her, "Yes, O my lady." Then said she, "Hast thou with thee aught of poison?" and said he, "How, O my lady? Have I not with me poison of the hour?[FN#474] and whoever shall eat thereof in a mess of sweet milk[FN#475] and rice and clarified b.u.t.ter shall die within that time." "Do thou take this dinar," continued she, "and give me somewhat of it;" but he rejoined, "I do not trade for moneys, and I will sell it only for ornaments of precious metal." Hereupon she pulled off one of her anklets and handed it to him and he, who had provided himself with half a loaf of Egyptian sugar,[FN#476] gave her the moiety thereof, saying, "Use it with sweet milk and rice and clarified b.u.t.ter."

She took it in high glee, and arising milked the she-buffalo, after which she boiled the loaf-sugar in the milk and then threw it into a sufficiency of the rice and the clarified b.u.t.ter, fancying the while that she was cooking a mortal meal,[FN#477]

and lastly she ladled out the mess into a large platter. Now when it was sunset-time her husband returned from the field and was met about half-way by the boy who told him all that he had overheard and how he had sold her the sugar for one of her anklets, saying, "This be poison." Then he charged him that, as soon as both of them should have swallowed the mess of milk and rice and clarified b.u.t.ter, they fall down and feign dead. So master and servant agreed upon this plan. And when the Fellah entered the hut she served to them the platter which contained their supper, and they ate the whole thereof, she sitting by intent upon their action and expecting their death. But they served her with a sleight; for suddenly the Fellah changed countenance and made as though he waxed ill and faint, and fell upon the ground like one in the last agony, and shortly after the boy rolled upon the floor on similar wise. Whenas she considered them she exclaimed, "May Allah have no mercy upon you; the wretches are dead!" Hereupon she went out and called aloud to her lover, and as he was coming cried, "Hie thee hither and enjoy the sight of these dead ones;" so he hastened up to them, and seeing them stretched upon the door said, "They're dead." Presently quoth she, "We two, I and thou, will now make merry;" and so saying she withdrew with him into another hut, intending at once to sleep together. Hereupon the husband arose and went in to them and smote the lover with a quarter-staff upon the neck and broke in his back bone,[FN#478] after which he turned to the wicked woman his wife and struck her and split open her head, and left the twain stone dead. And as soon as it was midnight he wrapped them in a single sheet and carried them forth outside the village, and after choosing a place,[FN#479] dug a hole and thrust them therein. And ever after that same Fellah had rest from his wife, and he bound himself by a strong oath not to interwed with womankind-never no more.[FN#480] And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will recount to you another tale touching the wiles of women; and thereupon she fell to relating the adventure of

THE WOMAN WHO HUMOURED HER LOVER AT HER HUSBAND'S EXPENSE.[FN#481]

There was a man in Cairo and he had a wife who ever boasted of her gentle blood and her obedience and her docility and her fear of the Lord. Now she happened to have in the house a pair of fatted ganders[FN#482] and she also had a lover whom she kept in the background. Presently the man came to visit her and seeing beside her the plump birds felt his appet.i.te sharpened by them, so he said to her, "O Such-an-one, needs must thou let cook these two geese with the best of stuffing so that we may make merry over them, for that my mind is bent upon eating goose flesh."

Quoth she, "'Tis right easy; and by thy life, O So-and-so, I will slaughter them and stuff them and thou shalt take them and carry them home with thee and eat them, nor shall this pimp my husband taste of them or even smell them." "How wilt thou do?" asked he, and she answered, "I will serve him a sleight shall enter into his brains and then give them to thee, for none is dear to me as thyself, O thou light of mine eyes; whereas this pander my mate shall not touch a bittock thereof." Upon this agreement the lover went from her and when her husband returned at sunset-tide she said to him, "Ho Man, how canst thou ever call thyself a man when thou never invitest anybody to thy house and no day of the days thou sayest me, 'I have a guest coming to us,' even as another would do; and folk surely will talk of thee and declare thou art a miser and unknowing the ways of generosity." "O Woman," said he, "this were for me an easy business and to-morrow morning (Inshallah!) I will buy for thee flesh and rice and thou shalt let cook for us or dinner or supper, whereto I will invite one of my intimates." Quoth she to him, "Nay, O Man; rather do thou buy for me a pound of mince-meat; then slaughter the two geese and I will stuff them and fry them, for that nothing is more savoury to set before guests." Said he, "Upon my head and mine eye be it!"

and as soon as it was dawn he slaughtered the geese and went forth and bought a Rotolo of meat which he minced and took all was required of rice and hot spices and what not else. These he carried home to his wife and said to her, "Do thou finish off thy cooking before midday when I will bring my guests," and presently he fared forth from her. Then she arose and cleaned out the geese and stuffed them with minced meat and a portion of rice and almonds and raisins;[FN#483] and fried them until they were well cooked; after which she sent for her lover and as soon as he came she and he made merry together, and she gave him the geese which he took up and left her.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Eighty-first Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night." She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman gave to her lover the geese which she had fried and he took the twain and fared away with them. Now when it was noon suddenly her husband came home accompanied by a friend and knocked at the door; so she arose and opened to him and admitted them. Then she asked, "And hast thou brought only one man?[FN#484] hie thee forth and fetch at least two or better still three." "'Tis well,"

said he and went off to do her bidding. Then the woman accosted the guest who came first and cried, "Oh the pity of it! By Allah thou art lost and the La Haul of Allah[FN#485] is upon thee and doubtless thou hast no children." Now when the man heard these words he exclaimed, "Why, O Woman?" for indeed fear and affright had sunk deep into his heart. She rejoined, "Verily my husband hath not brought thee hither save with the intention of cutting off thy precious stones the honours of thy yard[FN#486] and of gelding thee to a Castrato; and heigho and alas for thee whether thou die or whether thou live, and Oh the pity of it for thee!"

Now when the man heard this speech, he arose in haste and hurry and rushed out by the door, when behold, the husband came bringing with him two of his familiars. So the wife met him at the entrance and said to him, "O Man, O miserablest of men, O thou disappointed, O thou dissatisfied,[FN#487] thou hast brought to me a fellow which was a thief, a ne'er-do-well like unto thyself." "How so?" asked he, and she answered, "The man stole the two geese and stole away." Thereupon the husband went out and catching sight of the guest running off shouted to him, "Come back! Come back! even although thou bring only one with thee and take the other." Cried the man in reply, "An thou catch me do thou take thee the two. But the house-master meant the two geese whilst the man who was running away thought only of himself, saying in his mind, "This one speaketh of my ballocks, meaning that he will take only one of my stones[FN#488] and leave me the other." So he ceased not running and the other followed after him, but being unable to catch him he returned to his guests and served them with somewhat of bread and so forth, whilst the woman kept blaming him and nagging about the matter of the geese which she said had been carried off, but which had been given by her to her lover. The husband enjoined her to silence; however she would not hold her peace[FN#489] and on this wise he was balked of the meal to feed his wife's friend. And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you somewhat of the wiles of an honest woman, and thereupon she fell to recounting the adventure of

THE KAZI SCHOOLED BY HIS WIFE.

It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful to the orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful exceedingly. Her husband held and was certified anent womankind that all and every were like unto his spouse; so that when any male masculant came into his court[FN#490] complaining about his rib he would deliver his decision that the man was a wrong-doer and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he did because he saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he opined that the whole of her s.e.x resembled her, and he knew naught of the wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and their contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work upon men's wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in consequence of the virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of the days when suddenly a man came to him with a grievance about his better half and showed how he had been evil entreated by her and how her misconduct was manifest and public. But when the man laid his case before the Kazi and enlarged upon his charge, the Judge determined that he was in tort and that his wife was in the right; so the complainant went forth the court as one deaf and blind who could neither hear nor see. Moreover he was perplexed as to his affair, unknowing what he should do in the matter of his helpmate and wherefore the Kazi had determined contrary to justice that he had ill-used his spouse. Now as to the Kazi's wife none could forgather with her;[FN#491] so the plaintiff was distraught and confounded when he was met unexpectedly on the way by one who asked him, "What may be thy case, O certain person, and how hath it befallen thee with the Kazi in the matter of thy rib?" "He hath given sentence," quoth the man, "that I am the wrong-doer and that she is the wronged, and I know not how I shall act." Whereupon quoth the other, "Return and take thy station hard by the entrance to the Judge's Harem and thyself under the protection of its inmates." The man did as his friend advised him and knocked, when a handmaiden came out and he said to her, "O Damsel, 'tis my desire that thou send me hither thy lady, so I may bespeak her with a single word." She went in and informed her mistress[FN#492] who rose and humoured him, and standing veiled behind the door asked, "What is to do with thee, O man?" "O my lady," said he, "I place myself under thy ward and thine honour, so thou enable me to get justice of my wife and overcome her and prevail over her, for in very deed she hath wronged me and disgraced me. I came to complain of her ill-conduct before His Honour our lord the Kazi, yet he hath determined that I am the wrong-doer and have injured her while she is the wronged. I know not what I shall do with him, and sundry of the folk have informed me that thou art of the beneficent; so I require that thou charge for me the Judge to deliver according to Holy Law his decree between me and my mate."

Quoth she, "Go thou and take thy rest, nor do thou return to him until he shall have sent after thee, and fear not aught from him at all." "Allah increase thy weal, O my lady," quoth he, and he left her and went about his business pondering his case and saying to himself in mind, "Oh would Heaven I wot whether the Kazi's wife will protect me and deliver me from this fornicatress, this adulteress, who hath outraged me and carried away my good and driven me forth from her." Now when it was night-tide and the Judge was at leisure from his commandments, he went into his Harem, and it was his wife's custom whenever he returned home to meet him at the middle doorway. But as on that occasion she failed so to do, he walked into the apartment wherein she woned and found her at prayers; then he recalled to mind the contention of the man who had come to him with a grievance against his spouse--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.

Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Eighty-third Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Kazi went in to his wife whom he found praying, he recalled to mind the matter of the man who had come to him with a contention against his spouse and he said in his thought, "Verily nor hurting nor harming ever cometh from womankind and indeed this liar complaineth of his wife falsely;" for it was still in his mind that all of the contrary s.e.x are as virtuous as his lady.

But when she had done with her devotions, she rose up to him and served him and set before him, she and her handmaidens, the tray of food and she sat down at meat with him as was her wont. Now amongst the dishes was a charger containing two chickens, so said she to her husband, "By Allah, O my lord, do thou buy for us to-morrow a couple of geese that I may let stuff them, for my heart is set upon eating of their meat." Said he, "O my lady, to-morrow (Inshallah! an it be the will of the Almighty) I will send to the Bazar and let buy for thee two geese of the biggest and the fattest and the Eunuchs shall slaughter them and thou shalt use them as thou will." Accordingly, at dawn-tide the Judge sent to buy two plump birds and bade the Eunuchs cut their throats and the handmaidens gutted them and stuffed them and cooked them with rice over and above the usual food. Thereupon the Kazi's wife arose and proceeded to work her contrivance. She had bought two sparrows which the hunter had trapped; and she bade kill and dress them and place them upon the rice instead of the geese and awaited the even-tide when her husband would return to supper. Then they spread the tables whereupon was placed a covered platter under which he supposed stood the geese, so he took it off and behold, he found the two sparrows. Hereat he was perplext and said to his wife, "Allaho Akbar-G.o.d is most Great-where be the geese?" and said she to him, "Whatso thou broughtest here it be[FN#493] before thee upon the dish." "These be two sparrows," quoth he, and quoth she, "I wot not." So the Judge arose displeased[FN#494] with his wife and going to her home fetched her father and as she saw him coming, she stood up and whipping off the two small birds placed the big ones in their stead; and he uncovered the plate and found the geese. So he said to his son-in-law, "Thou declarest that these be sparrows but indeed they are geese;" for he also was deceived and went forth in displeasure with the Judge, after which the Kazi followed in his footstep and soothed him and invited him to meat but he would not return with him. Hereupon the husband padlocked the door but, before he had entered, the wife had subst.i.tuted the birdies for the big birds and when her mate sat down to meat and would fain have eaten he uncovered the platter and beheld the two sparrows.

Seeing this he was like to go out of his mind and he cried aloud, "Wallahi! Indeed this be a portentous calamity," and he went forth, trotting in his haste, until he met his father-in-law upon the way. Then he cried upon him and said, "Come and look at the two geese which were in the platter." "Wherefore?" asked the other and answered he, "Because I found them changed to two sparrows." Hereupon the father returned with him to the house and walked up to the table whence the lady, during her husband's absence, had removed the birdies and replaced the birds in lieu of them. So the father took off the cover and finding before him the pair of geese said to his son-in-law, "Be these two geese?

consider them well whether they be sparrows or not." "Two geese,"

said the other and said the sire, "Then why dost thou come to me a second and a several time and bring me hither and complain of my daughter?" Hereupon he left him and went forth an-angered and the Judge came up with him at the doorway and soothed him and conjured him to return. Meanwhile the lady arose and whipping off the geese set the two birdies in lieu thereof and covered them up; and as soon as the Kazi returned and sat down to meat he removed the cover from the platter and found the two sparrows.

Hereat he shrieked aloud and arose and went forth the door and cried, "Ho Moslems, come ye to my help!"[FN#495] Now when the people of the quarter heard the outcry, they gathered together about the house, when the lady seized the occasion to carry off the two birdies and to set in lieu of them the two geese. Asked they, "What is to do with thee, O our lord the Kazi, and what hath befallen thee?" and he answered, "I bought two geese for our supper and now I find them turned into two sparrows;" and so saying he led the Notables of the quarter into his house and showed them the dish. They uncovered it and found therein two geese, so they exclaimed, "These be two geese which thou callest sparrows;" and so saying they left him and went their ways. He followed them making excuses and was absent for a while, when his wife took the birds and set the birdies in place of them and when the Kazi returned and proceeded to sit down at meat he uncovered the platter and behold, thereon stood the two sparrows. So he smote hand upon hand crying, "These be two sparrows without doubt or hesitation;" whereat his wife arose and called out with a loud voice, "O ye Moslems, help ye a Moslemah."[FN#496] So the folk ran to her aidance and asked her saying, "What is to do, O our lady?" and she answered, "Verily my calamity is grievous and there is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great. My husband the Kazi hath gone Jinn-mad and do you of our grace and benevolence lay hold of him and carry him to the Maristan."--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Eighty-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Judge's wife cried upon the folk of the quarter, "Do ye of your grace and benevolence to us seize the Kazi and carry him to the Maristan that they may confine him therein until he return to his reason and regain his right mind." Hereupon they laid hands upon him and bore him to the Bedlam and imprisoned him therein amongst the maniacs, and it was certified to all the folk that their Kazi had been suddenly struck by insanity and that they had confined him in the madhouse. Now all this was of the cunning contrivance of his wife, that she might make manifest to him concerning womankind how none of mankind can prevail over them. But after the lapse of three days which the Judge pa.s.sed in the Bedlam, his wife went in to him bringing a somewhat of food and set meat before him and asked him saying, "What was it thou foundest on the platter?" Answered he, "Two sparrows," and continued she, "Recover thy senses and thy right mind and see here am I who have made thee out mad for thy confusion between two geese and two sparrows. Now whenever any man cometh to thee complaining of his wife (and thou unknowing aught of the couple and of their circ.u.mstances), thou determinest that the male is the evil-doer and withal thou wottest not that women are often the worst of wrongers and that men are sorely wronged by them. And in the matter now in hand, the whole of the folk declare that the Kazi is a wrong-doer to his wife, and no one knoweth that thou art really the wronged and I the wronger. Indeed sooth did he say who said, 'Alas for those who be gaoled wrongfully!' So do thou never decide aught thou knowest not. However, thou hast approved to thyself that I am true and loyal to thee and thou makest all the folk like one to other, but this is a sore injury to some. In the present case do thou send for the man who is wronged and let bring him to thy presence and bid his wife be also present and do him justice of her." After this she removed her husband from the Maristan and went her ways, and the Kazi did with the man as his lady had charged him do and whenever a plaintiff came before him with a grievance against his wife he would decide that the man was the wronged and the woman was the wronger, and he ceased not doing after this fas.h.i.+on for a while of time. And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you another history of womankind and this is the tale of

THE MERCHANT'S DAUGHTER AND THE PRINCE OF AL-IRAK.[FN#497]