Charlie St. Cloud Part 13

She jogged down the steep public stairs that descended the hill from her little street. She strolled along the waterfront. The colors of the hulls and the sails seemed brighter. The smell of salt in the air was sharper. The fryer from the Driftwood was sending up more smoke than ever.

She walked along the dock, stopped suddenly at her mooring, and in that instant, she knew something was really wrong. Querencia Querencia wasn't there. Tink would never have taken her out without asking permission. She felt a little woozy, and her head seemed to spin. She kneeled down to get her balance, bracing herself with one hand on a weathered plank. She thought she might be sick, leaned over the ledge, and peered into the water below. She adjusted her eyes and she gasped. wasn't there. Tink would never have taken her out without asking permission. She felt a little woozy, and her head seemed to spin. She kneeled down to get her balance, bracing herself with one hand on a weathered plank. She thought she might be sick, leaned over the ledge, and peered into the water below. She adjusted her eyes and she gasped.

Her reflection was missing.

Only the sky and the clouds looked back at her. There was no outline of her head or body against the blue. There was not even a shadow on the water. A sudden numbness overwhelmed her. Tess finally understood.

She wasn't there at all.

Her mind raced back over the puzzling events of the last day. Nana not seeing her in the rest home. Bobo paying no attention to her commands. Dubby Bartlett ignoring her on the beach. No one had acknowledged her because no one could see her.

No one except Charlie St. Cloud and his dead brother Sam.

What on earth was going on?

She leaped up and spun around. She grabbed her waist and then her hair. She rubbed her jeans. She rolled a b.u.t.ton on her s.h.i.+rt between her fingers. Everything felt as normal as ever. And yet it wasn't.

She called out to the old guys under the tree-Bony, Chumm, Iggy, and Dipper-but they kept on chatting, and her soul filled with dread. Something terrible must have happened. She tried to remember the boat and the storm. She could see herself capsizing, then fighting her way onto the deck after Querencia Querencia righted herself. But then what? Had she made it back to port? Her memory was a fog. She groped around but could grasp nothing. righted herself. But then what? Had she made it back to port? Her memory was a fog. She groped around but could grasp nothing.

When did she die?

The question seemed impossible. Tess felt the terror and turmoil inside. She desperately needed an anchor. Then she realized she only had to do one thing: Find Charlie. If anyone could explain what was happening, he could. But what if something had changed, and now he couldn't see her, like everyone else? What if she had become invisible to him too?

Anxiously, she tried to spot Charlie in the huge cemetery, but he was nowhere to be found. Finally, Tess all but threw herself on her father's grave under the j.a.panese maple. If this was death, she thought, then Dad would come to be with her. Or maybe he would be waiting for her somewhere else. Where was she supposed to go? What was she to do? Was there an information desk somewhere? A bulletin board? She didn't have a clue.

Then she began to cry and didn't stop until she fell asleep, exhausted. She awoke, gasping with fear that she would never find Charlie. The sky was almost dark, and as she pulled herself up from the gra.s.s, she remembered Sam's instructions: Find the blue spruce in the forest and the trail on the other side of the old log. She shuddered. The woods were so creepy last night. Could she do it alone? To her surprise, the forest was peaceful and calm. She followed the path past the waterfall and pool, then threaded her way through the cypress grove. Suddenly, she heard voices up ahead and a beagle's yowl. When she came into the clearing, there was Charlie on a bench.

The very sight of him lifted her spirits. At least she could be certain that part of her life was real. She just wanted him to tell her it was all some big mistake. She wanted to kiss him and start up exactly where they had left off last night.

As she approached, she prayed Charlie would still be able to see her, and when he leaped up and smiled at her, she felt an incredible wave of relief. She wasn't alone anymore. She heard his deep voice: "Thank G.o.d you're here. I was so afraid you were never coming back."

She was impossibly beautiful. Her hair was tousled around her shoulders. Her eyes were full of feeling. Charlie stood up to hug her h.e.l.lo. He reached out with his arms but she stopped short by one foot.

"Where have you been?" she asked. "I was looking all over for you."

"Been looking for you too," he answered. "I take it you met my brother."

"Hi, Sam," she said. They were the two sweetest words ever. Charlie had never imagined he would hear a woman greet his brother that way.

"Hi," Sam said. "Shame you got here so late. It's too dark to play catch." He turned to Charlie. "She says she doesn't throw like a girl! You believe her?"

"Now's not the time," Charlie said. He looked at Tess. She was just standing there-as real as anyone he had ever known. There wasn't a single sign that she was fading away. And yet, in his brain he knew she was. He wondered how much she understood. He decided to start with a simple question. "How are you doing?"

"I was fine until I couldn't see my reflection in the water," she said. "Now I'm just confused. Tell me what's going on, Charlie."

She obviously didn't know what had happened, and he knew he would have to be the one to break the news.

"Come on," she said. "I'm a big girl. I can handle it." She was obviously trying to be brave, but her tremulous voice gave her away. He had seen this before as spirits pa.s.sed through Waterside. He ached over what she was going through-the confusion, the fear, the sadness.

"I'm not sure where to start," Charlie said.

"How about the beginning?"

"All right," he said. "Querencia has been missing for forty-eight hours. The whole town is worried sick. The fleet went out to search." has been missing for forty-eight hours. The whole town is worried sick. The fleet went out to search."

"Missing for forty-eight hours?" She stomped the ground. "d.a.m.n, that's a long time. . . ."

"A fisherman found a piece of your hull off Halibut Point. Tink and I found your life raft in Sandy Bay."

"Where?"

"Sandy Bay, off Rockport."

"That's strange. I wasn't anywhere near Rockport. Must've been the wind and the current." She walked over to the swing and sat down on the wood plank.

"Do you remember what happened?" Sam asked.

"Not really," she said.

Charlie watched her carefully. He hadn't missed any obvious clues. There were no telltale signs. She wasn't fading at the edges. There was no heavenly glow around her. She just seemed like herself, radiant as ever. She kicked her legs in the air, and the swing began to sway.

"You've got to try to remember," Charlie said. "We need to know where you were when it happened."

Tess jumped down from the swing. "Look, I know exactly what happened. The storm was Force 10, and I spent the night upside down on the water. It was freezing. A d.a.m.n bottle of salad dressing shattered in the galley. It stank up the whole joint. I can still smell it on me."

"Then what?"

"Next thing, I was at Dad's grave."

"Do you remember coming back to port?"

"Not exactly."

"Do you know how you got to the cemetery?"

"No, Chas. It's a blur."

"That's okay," he said. "Sometimes when it happens suddenly, you don't even realize what's going on. It takes time to sink in." He watched her carefully, weighing the impact of his words.

She seemed dazed at first, then she said, "Dear G.o.d, what's going to happen to me?"

"Everything will feel better soon," he said, his voice choking on the words, "and you'll realize you're going home where you belong."

"Home? What are you talking about? Home is on Lookout Court with Bobo. Home is with my mother and friends." There were tears in her emerald eyes now. She brushed them away and tried to force a smile, but it came off a little crooked. Then she said, "And I was even beginning to think home might be with you."

TWENTY-TWO.

TESS WASN'T A SUPERSt.i.tIOUS SAILOR. S SHE NEVER CARED if her crew said "pig," a word most mariners dreaded because of an obscure belief that swine could somehow see the wind and mentioning them could whip up gales. She even dared to whistle while she worked-another taboo on the water-and she never hesitated to set sail on Fridays, which for centuries had portended disaster. She often stepped onto her boat with her left foot first, and she insisted that if her crew said "pig," a word most mariners dreaded because of an obscure belief that swine could somehow see the wind and mentioning them could whip up gales. She even dared to whistle while she worked-another taboo on the water-and she never hesitated to set sail on Fridays, which for centuries had portended disaster. She often stepped onto her boat with her left foot first, and she insisted that Querencia Querencia be painted blue, a color a.s.sociated with tragedy at sea. be painted blue, a color a.s.sociated with tragedy at sea.

Now, incredibly, she wondered if it had been stupid to keep testing her luck. She had brought flowers aboard her boat, even though seamen insisted they be reserved for funerals. She had always looked back to port after sailing out, another violation of the code. Yes, she had broken the rules a thousand times or more, and Tess couldn't help thinking: Maybe this was her fault.

Night was falling on the forest. The moon was up, the stars were out, and Tess sat with Charlie and Sam at the picnic table in the clearing. She was trying to hold herself together. Crazy, random thoughts were flooding her brain. She didn't want to unravel in front of them. But little by little, the reality of it all was locking into her consciousness.

Life was over.

As she felt the b.u.mp on her head, she began to have flashes of what had really happened the night of the storm. The images struck her in fragments. She didn't have the whole picture yet, but she could see the waves overtaking her and the world going black.

Deep down, she glimpsed what death meant. . . .

She would never race solo around the world.

She would never sail the Strait of Malacca or the Sulu Sea.

She would never see her name in the Hall of Fame in Providence.

She would never walk down the aisle of the Old North Church.

She would never honeymoon in Spain or run with the bulls in Pamplona or see the sunny, safe spot in the bullrings of Seville.

She would never feel the miracle of new life kicking inside her.

She would never teach her daughter how to hoist a mainsail or strike a luff curve.

Worst of all-and this was what distressed her more than anything-she would never know true and lasting love.

She tried to stop herself. She never even thought about a list like this yesterday or the day before, but now it went on and on. . . .

She would never again taste the roast beef at Mino's. She would never bundle up and play in the Powder Puff game on Thanksgiving. These were her rituals, the routines that made her feel alive and connected. Without them, where would she be?

Lost.

And there was this wonderful new man. She would never get to know this Charlie St. Cloud, who appeared from nowhere in her life and instantly was s.n.a.t.c.hed out of reach. Why had she met him now? G.o.d must have had a reason.

She tried to concentrate on what Charlie and Sam were saying, taking turns describing the afterlife and the road ahead. They made it all sound like the most natural transition in the world. After a while, she interrupted Charlie. "I need to understand how this works. How can you see Sam?" She hesitated for a moment. "And how can you see me?"

"When our accident happened," Charlie explained, "I crossed over too. It was a cla.s.sic near-death experience, and when they shocked me back to life, I was graced with this gift. I could still see people in limbo between life and death."

"That's where I am now?"

"I think so," he said, "but you threw me off a little. You don't really look like most spirits."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Tess said. "Now, what about touching? How did we kiss last night? How can I open doors and change clothes and feed Bobo?"

Charlie smiled. "Right now, you have one foot in both worlds. You're here and not here. You're literally in between." He reached out and took her hand. "Folks who die very suddenly or who don't want to let go can exert a very strong physical presence. They can do stuff like throw baseb.a.l.l.s, drink beer, or flush toilets. They're the ones who make lights flicker and things go b.u.mp in the night."

"How come I haven't seen any?"

"Besides Sam, there aren't any around right now," he said. "Mrs. Phipps from the high school moved on this morning. And I haven't seen a firefighter named Florio in a while."

"See, G.o.d picks when you live and die," Sam added. "But when you're here in between, you have a choice too. You can stay here as long as you want, just like me. Or you can go to the next level right away. It's your call."

Tess felt a wave of worry. "Why hasn't my dad come to see me?" she asked. "I always thought he would be here waiting."

"Don't worry," Charlie said. "He'll be there for you, but you haven't crossed over to the other side yet."

"I thought this was the other side."

"That's what everyone thinks," Sam said. "They watch John Edward on TV. They read those books about the afterlife. Everyone tells you that when you die, you see the light and you pa.s.s on. Period. The end." He smiled and lowered his voice into a whisper. "It's actually more complicated."

Then he stood up and began to gesture with his hands. "There are actually lots of levels and places on this side." He drew a circle in the air. "Imagine that this is the land of the living. Marblehead is right here in the middle of everything. Your mom, your friends, Bobo." Then he traced another circle around it. "We're right here. One level beyond. This is the middle ground."

"Think of it as the way station between life and death," Charlie said. "It's like a rest stop on the highway. I was actually there for ten minutes before the paramedic shocked me back."

"I don't get it. If this is a rest stop, what's Sam still doing here?"

The brothers looked at each other. Sam hunched his shoulders and was about to speak when Charlie cut in. "We made a promise."

"What kind of promise?"

There was a long silence. Neither of them answered. "Fine," Tess said. "Don't tell me. But am I right, Sam? You can stay here as long as you want?"

"Yes."

"Can I stay here too?"

"You're getting ahead of yourself," Charlie said.

"Yeah," Sam said. "There's time for all of that later. Right now, you've got a lot to learn."

"Go ahead," Charlie said. "Show her how it works."

"My pleasure." Sam looked up at the sky, waved his hands in a small circle, and suddenly the wind soughed through the trees. A shower of leaves swirled around them. "Not bad, huh?" he said.

"You did that?" Tess asked.

"Piece of cake. We can fill your sails. We can touch your face." He shook his hand gently, and Charlie's hair rustled.

"I never had any idea," Tess said.

"And we can dreamwalk too," Sam said.

"What's that?"