Homeward Bound Part 30

"Well, I suppose that could be a truth, if one had known anything resembling a home in one's past," Ka.s.squit said. "I have concluded that a cubicle in a stars.h.i.+p makes an inadequate subst.i.tute."

"No doubt you are right," Sam Yeager said, trying to smooth things over. "But if you join us, you may make a closer approach to something homelike than you would with the Race. Or, of course, you may not. But how will you know unless you try the experiment?"

"I do not think I can have a true home either with the Race or with you wild Tosevites," Ka.s.squit said unhappily. "If there were more Tosevite citizens of the Empire-not Tosevites raised as I was, necessarily, but those who live in the Empire's culture despite their species-I might find more in common with them than I do with you or the Race."

"There are probably a fair number of such persons on Tosev 3 now," Jonathan's father said. "This, of course, does you no good at all here."

"Truth," Ka.s.squit said. "And if I were to go back into cold sleep and seek them out on Tosev 3, who knows how things would change there by the time I arrived? Variability, I think, is the key to Tosevites generally."

That was undoubtedly how humans seemed from the Race's point of view-the one Ka.s.squit naturally adopted as her own. But a lot of Lizards refused to see that changes in the way humans did things could affect them. Ka.s.squit didn't make that mistake, anyhow.

Frank Coffey said, "Do come sit with us, Ka.s.squit."

"You ask me this?" she said. "Are you certain you desire my company?"

Major Coffey made the affirmative gesture. "Of course I am," he said, and added an emphatic cough.

Ka.s.squit's face still showed nothing. But she brought her plate to the table where the Americans were sitting. "Do you mind if I ask what you were talking about before?" she inquired.

"Mostly about the rats rats that were released here, and about bringing more of them down from the that were released here, and about bringing more of them down from the Admiral Peary Admiral Peary so we can go on testing food," Jonathan answered. so we can go on testing food," Jonathan answered.

"Is that still necessary?" Ka.s.squit asked. "Have the animals found many problems for you? I had no such aids when I woke up on Home, but I have eaten the food here and I am still well."

"We would rather not take chances we do not have to take," Dr. Melanie Blanchard said. "We would also rather avoid unpleasant surprises if we can. The Race can eat almost anything we Tosevites can eat on our world, but who would have expected the trouble ginger causes them?"

That seemed only common sense to Jonathan. He thought Ka.s.squit would make the affirmative gesture; she was nothing if not logical. Instead, she let out an audible sniff. "How likely is this?"

Dr. Blanchard shrugged. The motion seemed easier and less of an effort than it would have right after she came down to the surface of Home. Little by little, she was getting reacquainted with gravity. She said, "Who knows? What is certain is that we would like to prevent it if possible. Do you object? Few members of the Race would, not on those grounds. The Race is more cautious than we Tosevites are."

"I do not object on the grounds of prudence," Ka.s.squit said. "I do wonder if one of the reasons you wanted to bring rats rats here was in the hope that they might escape and establish themselves. That would let you pay the Race back for ecological changes caused by creatures from Home on Tosev 3." here was in the hope that they might escape and establish themselves. That would let you pay the Race back for ecological changes caused by creatures from Home on Tosev 3."

"Not fair," Jonathan said. "If we we had released the had released the rats, rats, you could accuse us of that. But members of the Race did it. We kept the animals caged. We were going to keep them caged, too. We know just what sort of pests they can be." you could accuse us of that. But members of the Race did it. We kept the animals caged. We were going to keep them caged, too. We know just what sort of pests they can be."

Ka.s.squit considered that. At last, reluctantly, she did use the affirmative gesture. "From you, Jonathan Yeager, I will believe this."

"Why would you not also believe it from Dr. Blanchard?" Jonathan asked. "She knows much more about these things than I do."

"Yes-why?" Melanie Blanchard echoed. "I mean you no harm, Researcher. In fact, I would like to examine you, if you do not mind. I probably know less about medicine as a whole than a physician from the Race, but I know a lot more about being a Tosevite. I might find something a physician from the Race would miss."

Had Jonathan been in Ka.s.squit's shoes, he could have been grateful for that offer. If she got sick, what could the Lizards do about it? Not much, not that he could see. A human doctor, though, had to know how people ticked.

But Ka.s.squit looked at Dr. Blanchard as if she'd just suggested vivisection. "I thank you, but no," she said. "The Race's techniques have always been adequate up until now."

"No doubt," Dr. Blanchard said. "But then, you have never been very ill, have you? You are still young, and you were never exposed to most Tosevite diseases. You are now beginning to reach the age where your body will show the wear it has acc.u.mulated. More regular examinations are a good idea."

"I thank you, but no," Ka.s.squit repeated. "I will continue in my present way of doing things until it shows itself to be unsatisfactory."

"This is not a good idea," Jonathan told her. "Technicians maintain computers and other machines. You should also maintain yourself."

"And so I do. And so I shall-with the Race," Ka.s.squit said. "If this proves inadequate, as I told you, I shall consider other options."

Her determination was unmistakable. Jonathan scratched his head again. It didn't add up-not to him, anyway. But Karen whispered in his ear in English: "She doesn't like the doctor."

Jonathan blinked. That hadn't occurred to him. Once his wife pointed it out, though, it seemed so obvious that he wondered why it hadn't. He also wondered why Ka.s.squit didn't like the doctor. They'd hardly had anything to do with each other.

Frank Coffey asked, "Would a member of the Race want a Tosevite doctor?"

"Certainly not." Ka.s.squit didn't use an emphatic cough, but her tone of voice left no doubt about how she felt.

"All right, then." Coffey was unperturbed. "Why would you want to use a physician of a different species when you have another choice?"

Ka.s.squit looked at him. "You too would recommend that I trust myself to Dr. Blanchard?" She had a little trouble p.r.o.nouncing the name, but less than a Lizard would have. When Coffey made the affirmative gesture, Ka.s.squit sprang to her feet. "You are all against me!" she exclaimed, and stormed out of the refectory. The only reason she didn't slam the gla.s.s door behind her was that its mechanism wouldn't let her.

"What was that all about?" Linda de la Rosa asked in English.

"Is it me she doesn't want to deal with, or is it because I'm a human being and not a Lizard?" Melanie Blanchard asked in the same language.

I think it may be you, went through Jonathan's mind. He glanced at his wife, and would have bet she was thinking the same thing. Neither he nor Karen said anything, though. They might have been wrong. Even if they turned out to be right, who could guess why Ka.s.squit felt the way she did? She was a riddle-sometimes, Jonathan suspected, even to herself. went through Jonathan's mind. He glanced at his wife, and would have bet she was thinking the same thing. Neither he nor Karen said anything, though. They might have been wrong. Even if they turned out to be right, who could guess why Ka.s.squit felt the way she did? She was a riddle-sometimes, Jonathan suspected, even to herself.

His father said the same thing a different way: "Ka.s.squit takes some getting used to. It's not her fault she is the way she is, G.o.d knows. I do think she's got a good heart."

Jonathan nodded. Karen let out a distinct sniff. Among the Americans, though, she found herself outvoted. Snoutcounting, Snoutcounting, Jonathan thought. He was amused, but knew neither his wife nor Ka.s.squit would have been. Jonathan thought. He was amused, but knew neither his wife nor Ka.s.squit would have been.

Ka.s.squit wanted nothing more than to avoid the wild Big Uglies. She wished she could have nothing to do with them. They did not understand her, they mocked her. . . . So it seemed from her point of view, at any rate.

No matter what she wanted, though, she had to deal with the Tosevites. She'd been brought to Home to deal with them. No matter how revolting they acted, she couldn't just walk away from her work with them. More than once, she thought, If I were a female of the Race, I could. If I were a female of the Race, I could. Being what she was, she had fewer choices. She could not abandon the wild big Uglies. Half the time-more than half the time-members of the Race couldn't tell her apart from them anyway. Being what she was, she had fewer choices. She could not abandon the wild big Uglies. Half the time-more than half the time-members of the Race couldn't tell her apart from them anyway.

She tried to avoid them at mealtimes. That didn't always work, because they didn't all eat at the same times every day. She stayed as far from them in the refectory as she could. That probably would have sufficed with the Race, whose members were sophisticated enough to recognize a good sulk. The Big Uglies, though, were as nosy as so many befflem, and just about as enthusiastic.

Because the American Tosevites usually ate breakfast early, Ka.s.squit had started eating late. She didn't like that, because she got hungry. She did it even so. But when Frank Coffey came in for a snack, he found her there. She hoped he would take care of what he wanted and leave her alone.

He didn't. He came over to the table where she was sitting and said, "May I join you?"

"If you insist," Ka.s.squit said coldly.

A male of the Race would have taken the hint. She would have thought the Big Ugly might also; she hadn't been subtle. But Coffey just said, "I thank you," and sat down. Then he asked, "Why are you angry at Dr. Blanchard? What has she done to you? How could she have done anything to you? She just got here."

"I am not angry at Dr. Blanchard!" Ka.s.squit said-angrily. The wild Big Ugly sitting across the table from her did not respond. He just let the words hang in the air. They seemed so manifestly false, Ka.s.squit felt she had to modify them: "She has not done anything to me-not directly."

"Ah?" Yes, Frank Coffey was like a beffel that had taken a scent. "What has she done indirectly, then?"

"You ought to know." Ka.s.squit did not bother to hide the bitterness she felt.

"I do not have any idea what you are talking about," the American Big Ugly said.

"A likely story," Ka.s.squit said. "You do not need to lie to me, you know. That is nothing but a waste of time on your part."

"Lie about what?" Coffey asked. "You have completely confused me. I am sorry, but that is a truth. I wish I believed in the spirits of Emperors past. I would swear by them to convince you. What oath would you like me to use?"

"For a truthful person, oaths do not matter. For one who is not truthful, they do not help," Ka.s.squit snapped.

The Big Ugly made the affirmative gesture. "That is well said. You have known me since I came down to the surface of Home. I have been here most of a year now. What is your opinion of me? Have you believed me to be a truthful person, or one of the other sort?"

"Up until now, I believed you to be truthful," Ka.s.squit said. "Your behavior here, though, makes me doubt it very much."

"What behavior here? What have I done?" Frank Coffey asked. "As I say, I confess that you have baffled me."

Ka.s.squit took a deep breath. "Your pretending not to know why I dislike Dr. Blanchard and what grievance I hold against her."

"I do not know that. I do not understand it." He used an emphatic cough. "That is a truth, Ka.s.squit. For the sake of your own health, I think you would be wise to let her examine you. If you do not like her, I can see how you might be reluctant, but I do not know why you do not like her. She seems friendly enough, and she is a capable physician."

"Friendly enough. Friendly Friendly enough!" Ka.s.squit all but spat the words. "Yes, I can see why you would say so. I certainly can." enough!" Ka.s.squit all but spat the words. "Yes, I can see why you would say so. I certainly can."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Did the American Tosevite make his interrogative cough sound sarcastic, or was that just a trick of Ka.s.squit's overheated imagination? She recognized the possibility, but she didn't think so.

"As if you do not know," she said furiously. "You all got along fine down here without the services of a physician. None of you has needed a physician." Coffey started to say something-probably that you never could tell when someone would would need a physician. She overrode him: "The real reason she came down to Home is obvious enough." need a physician. She overrode him: "The real reason she came down to Home is obvious enough."

"Not to me," he said. "You had better tell me what this 'real reason' is."

"Why, to provide you with a mating partner from among your fellow wild Big Uglies, of course," Ka.s.squit said.

Frank Coffey stared at her. Again, he started to say something. Ka.s.squit didn't stop him this time. He stopped himself-by starting to laugh. And once he started, he could not stop. Raucous Tosevite mirth poured out of him. Ka.s.squit thought it would never end. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the torrent slowed.

"I see nothing funny about it," Ka.s.squit said in icy tones.

That only started the wild Tosevite laughing again. This time, the fit did not last quite so long. But when it ended, tears left bright streaks down Coffey's cheeks. "Oh, dear," he said, wheezing and gasping for breath. "I think I hurt myself. But I could not help it. I am very sorry, Ka.s.squit, but you packed an impressive amount of misunderstanding into one sentence there."

"I do not believe I misunderstood anything," Ka.s.squit said. "You had better explain to me why you think I did."

"It shall be done, superior female." Coffey began ticking off points on his fingers. "Dr. Blanchard did not not come down here to become my mating partner. The two of us have come down here to become my mating partner. The two of us have not not mated. We have never discussed mating, not even once. We have not made advances at each other. I have no idea whether she would be interested in mating with me. If I had to guess, I would doubt it. I know for a fact that I am not particularly interested in mating with her." mated. We have never discussed mating, not even once. We have not made advances at each other. I have no idea whether she would be interested in mating with me. If I had to guess, I would doubt it. I know for a fact that I am not particularly interested in mating with her."

"So you say," Ka.s.squit jeered.

Coffey nodded. Then he used the Race's affirmative gesture. "Yes. So I say. And it is a truth, too. I see you are are a citizen of the Empire. You certainly do not understand how things work among wild Big Uglies. And I ought to ask you a question of my own: why do you care about what Dr. Blanchard and I may or may not do?" a citizen of the Empire. You certainly do not understand how things work among wild Big Uglies. And I ought to ask you a question of my own: why do you care about what Dr. Blanchard and I may or may not do?"

"Because I was hoping to mate with you myself," Ka.s.squit answered. Had she been raised as a wild Big Ugly, she might not have been so blunt. But then, had she been raised as a wild Big Ugly, she would have been different in so many ways, the question wouldn't have arisen in that form.

"Oh," Frank Coffey said, and then, "Oh," again in an altogether different tone of voice.

When he didn't say anything else for some little while, Ka.s.squit asked, "Well? What do you think of that?"

He wasn't laughing any more. Ka.s.squit didn't think she could have borne it if he were. Despite her prodding, he didn't answer right away. When he did, he spoke slowly and thoughtfully: "I think you know I would be lying if I said the idea of mating with you had never crossed my mind."

"I had thought thought that, yes," Ka.s.squit agreed. "That was why I was so upset when Dr. Blanchard came down from your stars.h.i.+p. She is one of your kind in a way that I cannot be. I thought-I feared-she would make a better partner for you." that, yes," Ka.s.squit agreed. "That was why I was so upset when Dr. Blanchard came down from your stars.h.i.+p. She is one of your kind in a way that I cannot be. I thought-I feared-she would make a better partner for you."

The brown Big Ugly did laugh then, but, Ka.s.squit judged, much more at himself than at her. He said, "I have trouble believing anyone named Melanie could make a good partner for me-but to understand that you would need to know the American Gone with the Wind, Gone with the Wind, not the Race's book of the same name." not the Race's book of the same name."

Ka.s.squit didn't didn't understand; the American understand; the American Gone with the Wind Gone with the Wind meant nothing to her. She did finally start to believe that he wasn't eager to mate with Dr. Blanchard. And if he wasn't . . . "This idea had crossed your mind, then, you say? And what did you think of it when it did?" meant nothing to her. She did finally start to believe that he wasn't eager to mate with Dr. Blanchard. And if he wasn't . . . "This idea had crossed your mind, then, you say? And what did you think of it when it did?"

"Obviously, part of me liked it very much-but that part has never been what anyone would call fussy," he replied. No matter how far removed from the affairs of wild Big Uglies she was, she had no trouble figuring out what he meant. He went on, "The rest of me was not nearly so sure-is not nearly so sure-that would be a good idea. You are isolated from our ways of doing things. I was very much afraid I would be taking advantage of you."

"Why?" Ka.s.squit asked in genuine puzzlement. "Would we not both take pleasure from this? How is that more advantageous to you than to me?"

"Things are more complicated than that-or they often are, anyway, back on Tosev 3," Coffey said. "We do not have a mating season the way the Race does, and emotional attachments between partners are usual with us. In fact, mating among us does not just spring from previously existing emotional attachments. The act of mating, the pleasure of mating, giving pleasure to another in mating, helps cause cause emotional attachments. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?" emotional attachments. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?"

"Oh, yes," Ka.s.squit said softly. She remembered all too well how bereft she had felt when Jonathan Yeager left the Race's stars.h.i.+p and returned to the surface of Tosev 3, and how devastated she was when she learned he was making a permanent mating arrangement with Karen Yeager. That had seemed like betrayal-nothing less. If Frank Coffey were to abandon her for a wild Tosevite female, too . . . She shoved that thought aside and made the affirmative gesture. "I understand exactly what you mean."

Her tone must have carried conviction, for Coffey did not argue with her any more. He just said, "Knowing all this, you would still wish to go forward?"

"I would," she answered. "I may end up unhappy. I understand that. But I feel empty now. Next to empty, even unhappy does not seem so bad."

"That . . . makes more sense than I wish it did," the wild Big Ugly said. He nodded-again, Ka.s.squit thought, more to himself than to her-and laughed quietly. "In that case, superior female, there is an English expression that seems to fit here: my place or yours?"

Ka.s.squit needed a moment to figure out what that meant, but only a moment. "Why not mine?" she said.

They rode up the elevator together. Ka.s.squit hung the PRIVACY, PLEASE PRIVACY, PLEASE sign in front of her room. Then Frank Coffey said, "Wait. I had better make sure you do not become gravid. Let me get a sheath. I will be back right away." sign in front of her room. Then Frank Coffey said, "Wait. I had better make sure you do not become gravid. Let me get a sheath. I will be back right away."

He took a little longer than Ka.s.squit had expected, but not long enough for her to complain when he returned. It had been a long time since she lay down with a male Tosevite, but she remembered what to do. And he knew how to stimulate her. He turned out to know better than Jonathan Yeager had. At first, that surprised her. Then she realized Jonathan Yeager must have been almost as inexperienced as she was. And then she stopped caring about such things.

Afterwards, Frank Coffey was careful to keep his weight on his elbows and knees and not on her. "The Race's language does not have words for this," he said. "'I thank you' is not nearly strong enough." He kissed her. "I hope that says something."

"Oh, yes." Ka.s.squit felt near tears. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this. "Oh, yes." She used an emphatic cough. It didn't seem adequate, either. She kissed him this time. A member of the Race wouldn't have understood. He seemed to. yes." She used an emphatic cough. It didn't seem adequate, either. She kissed him this time. A member of the Race wouldn't have understood. He seemed to.

Ttomalss knew he had too many things going on all at the same time. He kept waiting to hear whether Pesskrag and her fellow physicists were making progress in their experiments. He monitored what the wild Big Uglies were up to, and reported back on that to Atvar. The retired fleetlord also seemed to be running in too many directions at once.

"Rats!" he said to Ttomalss out of a clear sky. "We have got to find those creatures and get rid of them, Senior Researcher, or this entire world will suffer on account of them."

"Truth," Ttomalss agreed. "Maybe you should clear everyone out of this hotel and fumigate it, the way you would for pests of our own."

"I have discussed this matter with Sam Yeager," Atvar said unhappily. "He is not enthusiastic about moving. He is not obstructive-he will relocate if we insist. But he is not enthusiastic. Diplomacy is, or can be, a nuisance. I hesitate to displace him if I can accomplish my goals by other means."

"How many more rats have you recovered?" Ttomalss asked.

Even more unhappily, Atvar answered, "One after that which Senyahh killed. And it was not captured here in the hotel but in the park across the way. That is another reason I hesitate to displace the wild Big Uglies: it may already be too late."

It may already be too late. Ttomalss didn't respond to that. It was the Race's usual lament when dealing with the Tosevites. Here, it was liable to be true in more ways than Atvar had meant it. Ttomalss didn't respond to that. It was the Race's usual lament when dealing with the Tosevites. Here, it was liable to be true in more ways than Atvar had meant it.

After leaving the fleetlord's suite, Ttomalss left a message for Pesskrag. The physicist took her time about calling him back. Maybe she was busy experimenting. Maybe she'd finished experimenting but had nothing new to tell him. Maybe she was just sick and tired of him. Till she did eventually answer, he couldn't say.

What with everything else that was going on, Ttomalss hardly had the chance to turn an eye turret toward Ka.s.squit every now and then. Her room in the hotel was not electronically monitored, as were those of the wild Big Uglies (not that those microphones had yielded much; the American Tosevites appeared to have antimonitoring electronics of their own). Not only was she a.s.sumed to be on the Emperor's side, but she had also strongly objected to being monitored back on the stars.h.i.+p orbiting Tosev 3.

Without that continuous monitoring, Ttomalss had to rely on what he observed when he and Ka.s.squit were together. He would have done better observing one of his own species. He knew that. However acculturated Ka.s.squit was, her basic responses remained Tosevite, and alien.

One morning at breakfast, he said, "You will correct me if I am wrong, but do you not seem more cheerful than usual?"

Ka.s.squit paused to take a bite of aa.s.son. After she swallowed, she answered, "You might say so. Yes, superior sir, you might say so."

"Good. I am glad to hear it." Ttomalss was also glad he had seen it. "Do you happen to know why you are more cheerful?" If she did, he would do his best to make sure conditions did not change for her.