One Hundred Merrie And Delightsome Stories Part 10

Having broken down all her defences, this valiant man feasted his eyes on her front part, and, shame to say, was not content until his hands had revealed to his eyes all the secrets for which he searched.

And as he was profoundly studying her body, he would say, "I see this!

I see that! Now again this! Now again that!" until whosoever heard him would have thought he saw all the world and much beside. And, finally, after a long and thorough examination, he cried, "Holy Mary! what a lot of things I see!"

"Alas, good people," then said the labourer in the tree; "you do not happen to see my calf? It seems to me, sir, that I can see its tail."

The other was much vexed and astonished, and replied quickly,

"That tail is not the tail of your calf," and with that he walked away, and his wife after him.

If it should be asked what moved the labourer to put that question, the writer of this story would reply that the hair in front of this woman was very long and thick, as is usual with the Dutch women, and he might well have thought it was the tail of his calf, and as also her husband was saying that he could see so many things--nearly everything there was in the world--the labourer thought to himself that the calf could hardly be far off, but might be hidden inside along with the other things.

[Ill.u.s.tration: 13.jpg THE CASTRATED CLERK.]

STORY THE THIRTEENTH -- THE CASTRATED CLERK. [13]

By Monseigneur L'amant De Brucelles.

_How a lawyer's clerk in England deceived his master making him believe that he had no t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es, by which reason he had charge over his mistress both in the country and in the town, and enjoyed his pleasure._

At London, in England, there formerly lived a lawyer, who, amongst his other servitors, had a clerk who was clever, and diligent, wrote well, and was a handsome lad, and was, moreover, let it be stated, as cunning as any man of his age.

This gentle and l.u.s.ty clerk was much smitten with his mistress,--a beautiful, kind, and gentle dame--who so much admired him that if ever he had but dared to reveal his affection, the G.o.d of love would have led her to confess that he was the only man on earth who pleased her.

It chanced that once, being in a suitable place, and all fear being laid aside, he recounted unto the said lady his sad, but not unpleasant, case; and she by the great courtesy which G.o.d had not forgotten to give her, being already touched as has before been said, did not long delay; for after she had addressed to him many excuses and remonstrances, she was glad to let him know that he pleased her well.

The other,--who was no fool--was more joyed than he had ever been, and determined to hammer the iron while it was hot, and so warmly pursued her, that ere long he enjoyed her love.

The love of the mistress for the clerk, and of the clerk for the mistress, was for a long time so ardent, that never were people more taken with each other; for not seldom did they forget to eat and drink, and it would not have been in the power of Malbouche or Dangier (*) nor other such cursed sprites, to have disturbed their happiness.

(*) Allegorical personages, typifying slander and jealousy, mentioned in the Romaunt de la Rose.

In this joyous state and pleasant pastime, they pa.s.sed many days such as are rarely given to lovers, and so fond were they of each other, that they would almost have renounced their share of paradise, to live in the world in that condition.

It chanced one day they were together, talking of the great affection they bore each other, and devising how they could safely continue to take their pleasure without some inkling of their dangerous pastime being known to her husband, who was as jealous as a man could be.

You may fancy that more than one idea occurred to them, which I here pa.s.s over, but the final conclusion and supreme resolution of the good clerk, was to vow to act carefully and bring his undertaking to a lucky termination,--in which he failed not, and this is how he accomplished his end.

You must know that while the clerk was on intimate and friendly terms with his mistress, and diligently served and pleased her, he was at the same time not less diligent to serve and please his master, that he might the better conceal his own faults and blind the eyes of the jealous husband, who little suspected what was being prepared for him.

One day soon after, our clerk, seeing that his master was well satisfied with him, spoke to him when he was alone, most humbly, softly, and with great respect, and told him that he had a great secret which he would willingly reveal if he dared.

And, it must be told, that like women, who have tears at their command and can shed them whenever they like, our clerk, whilst he spoke, let fall from his eyes tears in great abundance,--which any man would have taken to be signs of sorrow, pity, and honest purpose.

When the poor abused master heard his clerk, he was much astonished, and said,

"What is the matter, my son, and why do you weep?"

"Alas, sir, I have much more cause than anyone else to be sorrowful, but my case is so strange, and not the less pitiful, that it should be hidden; nevertheless I have determined to tell you, if I can lay aside the fear which for long has haunted me."

"Do not weep, my son," replied his master, "and tell me what it is, and I a.s.sure you that if it is possible for me to aid, you I will willingly give you all the a.s.sistance I can."

"Master," said the cunning clerk, "I thank you; but I have thought the matter over, and I do not think my tongue will be able to relate the great misfortune that I have long time borne."

"Leave all your grief and pratings," replied the master. "Nothing ought to be hidden from me, as your master, and I wish to know what is the matter; therefore come here and tell me."

The clerk, who knew the length of his master's foot, had to be much entreated, and pretended to be in great fear, and shed great abundance of tears before he would accede and say what he had to say, and then made his master promise that he would reveal the secret to no man, for he would rather die than have his misfortune known.

The master having given this promise, the clerk--pale, and trembling like a man who was going to be hanged--told his story.

"My most worthy master, I know that all people, and you amongst them, imagine that I am a natural man like any other, capable of having connexion with a woman, and creating children; but I affirm and can prove that I am not such--to my great sorrow, alas."

And with these words he pulled out his member and showed his bag. He had with much time and trouble pushed up his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es towards his lower belly, and so well concealed them that it seemed as though he had none.

Then he said,

"Master, you now know my misfortune, which I again beg of you not to let be known, and, moreover, I humbly beg of you by all the services I have ever rendered,--which would have been greater if my power had equalled my will--that you will allow me to pa.s.s the rest of my life in some holy monastery, where I may spend my time in the service of G.o.d, for I am of no use in the world."

His worthy and much-abused master discoursed unto him of the austerities of a religious life, and how little merit there was in becoming a monk out of grief for a misfortune, and by many other means, too numerous to recount here, prevailed on him to renounce his intention. And you must know, moreover, that he would on no account lose his clerk, on account of his skill in writing, and diligence, and the use he intended to make of him. What need to say more? He so remonstrated that the clerk, in short, promised to remain for a further time in his service. And as the clerk had revealed his secret, so also did the master lay bare his own heart, and said;

"My son, I am not glad to hear of your misfortune; but in the end G.o.d orders all things for the best, and knows what is most suitable for us.

You can in future serve me well, and merit all that is in my power to do for you. I have a young wife, who is light-hearted and flighty, and I am old and staid; which might give occasion to some to dishonour me and her also, if she should prove other than chaste, and afford me matter for jealousy, and many other things. I entrust her to you that you may watch over her, and I beg of you to guard her so that I may have no reason to be jealous."

After long deliberation, the clerk gave his reply, and when he spoke, G.o.d knows how he praised his most fair and kind mistress, saying that she excelled all others in beauty and goodness, of that he was sure.

Nevertheless, that service or any other he would perform with all his heart, and never leave her whatever might happen, but inform his master of all that occurred, as a good servant should.

The master, pleased and joyful at the new guardian he had found for his wife, left the house, and went to the town to do his business. And the good clerk at once entered upon his duties, and, as much as they dared, employed the members with which they were provided, and made great cheer over the subtle manner in which the husband had been deceived. For a long period did they continue thus to enjoy themselves; and if at any time the good husband was forced to go abroad, he took care to leave his clerk behind; rather would he borrow a servant from one of his neighbours than not leave the clerk to mind house. And if the lady had leave to go on any pilgrimage, she would rather go without her tire-woman than without the kind and obliging clerk.

In short, as you may suppose, never could clerk boast of a more lucky adventure, and which--so far as I know--never came to the knowledge of the husband, who would have been overcome with grief had he learned of the trick.

[Ill.u.s.tration: 14.jpg THE POPE-MAKER, OR THE HOLY MAN.]

STORY THE FOURTEENTH -- THE POPE-MAKER, OR THE HOLY MAN. [14]

By Monseigneur de Crequy