One Hundred Merrie And Delightsome Stories Part 32

"Faith!" she said, "I have such a headache that I cannot stand on my feet, or if I did get up I should die, I am so weak and worn-out; and, as you know, I did not sleep all the night. I beg of you to leave me here, and I hope that when I am alone I shall get a little rest."

Her husband, though he suspected something, did not dare to contradict her or reply, but went about his business in the town, whilst his wife was not idle at home, for eight o'clock had no sooner struck than the honest fellow, to whom on the previous day an a.s.signation had been given, came and knocked at the door, and she let him in. He soon took off his long gown and his other clothes, and joined madame in bed, in order to cheer her up.

Whilst these two were locked in each other's arms, and otherwise engaged, the time pa.s.sed quickly without her noticing it, when she heard some one knock loudly at the door.

"Ah!" she said, "as I live, there is my husband; make haste and take your clothes."

"Your husband?" he said, "Why, do you know his knock?"

"Yes," she replied, "I know it very well. Make haste lest he find you here."

"If it be your husband, he must find me here, for I know not where I can hide."

"No, please G.o.d, he must not find you here, for you would be killed and so should I, he is so terrible. Get up into this little attic, and keep quite quiet and do not move, that he may not find you here."

The other climbed into the garret as he was told, and found the planks stripped away in many places, and the laths broken.

As soon as he was safe, mademoiselle made one bound to the door, knowing very well that it was not her husband who was there, and let in the man who had promised to come to her at nine o'clock. They came into the chamber, where they were not long on their feet, but laid down and cuddled and kissed in the same manner as he in the garret had done, whilst he, through a c.h.i.n.k, kept his eye on the couple, and was not best pleased. He could not make up his mind whether he should speak or hold his tongue. At last he determined to keep silence, and not say a word till the opportunity came,--and you may guess that he had plenty of patience.

Whilst he was waiting and looking at the lady engaged with the last comer, the worthy husband came home to enquire after the health of his good wife, as it was very proper of him to do.

She soon heard him, and as quickly as may be, made her lover get out of bed, and as she did not know where to hide him, since she could not put him in the garret, she made him lie down between the bed and the wall, and covered him with his clothes, and said to him.

"I have no better place to put you--have a little patience."

She had hardly finished speaking when her husband came into the room, and though he had heard nothing, he found the bed all rumpled and tossed about, the quilt dirty and soiled, and looking more like the bed of a bride than the couch of an invalid.

The doubts he had formerly entertained, combined with the appearance of the bed, made him call his wife by her name, and say.

"Wicked wh.o.r.e that you are! I did not believe you when you shammed illness this morning! Where is the wh.o.r.emonger? I swear to G.o.d, if I find him, he will have a bad end, and you too." Then, putting his hand on the quilt, he went on. "This looks nice, doesn't it? It looks as though the pigs had slept on it!"

"What is the matter with you, you nasty drunkard?" she replied. "Why make me suffer when you get too much wine in your belly? That's a nice salutation, to call me a wh.o.r.e! I would have you to know that I am nothing of the kind, but much too virtuous and too honest for a rascal like you, and my only regret is that I have been so good to you, for you are not worth it. I do not know why I do not get up and scratch your face in such a manner that you would remember it all your life, for having abused me without cause."

If you ask how she dared reply to her husband in this manner, I should answer there were two reasons,--that is she had both right and might on her side. For, as you may guess, if it had come to blows, both the lover in the garret, and the one by the bed, would have come to her a.s.sistance.

The poor husband did not know what to say when he heard his wife abuse him thus, and as he saw that big words were of no use, he left the matter to G.o.d, who does justice to all, and replied;

"You make many excuses for your palpable faults, but I care little what you say. I am not going to quarrel and make a noise; there is One above who will repay all!"

By "One above", he meant G.o.d,--as though he had said,

"G.o.d, who gives everyone his due, will repay you according to your deserts." But the gallant who was in the garret, and heard these words, really believed they were meant for him, and that he was expected to pay for the misdeeds of another besides himself, and he replied aloud;

"What? Surely it will suffice if I pay half! The man who is down by the side of the bed can pay the other half--he is as much concerned as I am!"

You may guess that the husband was much astonished, for he thought that G.o.d was speaking to him; and the man by the bed did not know what to think, for he knew nothing about the existence of the other man. He quickly jumped up, and the other man came down, and they recognised each other.

They went off together, and left the couple looking vexed and angry, but they did not trouble much about that and for good reason.

STORY THE THIRTY-FIFTH -- THE EXCHANGE.

By Monseigneur De Villiers.

_Of a knight whose mistress married whilst he was on his travels, and on his return, by chance he came to her house, and she, in order that she might sleep with him, caused a young damsel, her chamber-maid, to go to bed with her husband; and of the words that pa.s.sed between the husband and the knight his guest, as are more fully recorded hereafter._

A gentleman, a knight of this kingdom, a most virtuous man, and of great renown, a great traveller and a celebrated warrior, fell in love with a very beautiful damsel, and so advanced in her good graces that nothing that he demanded was refused him. It happened, I know not how long after that, this good knight, to acquire honour and merit, left his castle, in good health and well accompanied, by the permission of his master, to bear arms elsewhere, and he went to Spain and various places, where he did such feats that he was received in great triumph at his return.

During this time the lady married an old knight who was courteous and wise, and who in his time had been a courtier, and--to say truth--was known as the very mirror of honour. It was a matter for regret that he did not marry better, but at any rate he had not then discovered his wife's misconduct, as he did afterwards, as you shall hear.

The first-named knight, returning from the war, as he was travelling through the country, arrived by chance one night at the castle where his mistress lived, and G.o.d knows what good cheer she and her husband made for him, for there had been a great friends.h.i.+p between them.

But you must know that whilst the master of the house was doing all he could to honour his guest, the guest was conversing with his former lady-love, and was willing to renew with her the intimacy that had existed before she married. She asked for nothing better, but excused herself on account of want of opportunity.

"It is not possible to find a chance."

"Ah, madam," he said, "by my oath, if you want to, you will make a chance. When your husband is in bed and asleep, you can come to my chamber, or, if you prefer it, I will come to you."

"It cannot be managed so," she replied; "the danger is too great; for monseigneur is a very light sleeper, and he never wakes but what he feels for me, and if he did not find me, you may guess what it would be."

"And when he does find you," he said, "what does he do to you?"

"Nothing else," she replied; "he turns over on the other side."

"Faith!" said he, "he is a very bad bed-fellow; it is very lucky for you that I came to your aid to perform for you what he cannot."

"So help me G.o.d," she said, "when he lies with me once a month it is the best he can do. I may be difficult to please, but I could take a good deal more than that.

"That is not to be wondered at," he said; "but let us consider what we shall do."

"There is no way that I see," she replied, "that it can be managed."

"What?" he said; "have you no woman in the house to whom you can explain the difficulty?"

"Yes, by G.o.d! I have one," she said, "in whom I have such confidence that I would tell her anything in the world I wanted kept secret?

without fearing that she would ever repeat it."

"What more do we want then?" he said. "The rest concerns you and her."

The lady who was anxious to be with her lover, called the damsel, and said,

"My dear, you must help me to-night to do something which is very dear to my heart."