Berry and Co Part 29

"Anno Domini," was the cheerful reply. "We're both older, eh? Don't you remember the night we all----But p'r'aps I oughtn't to tell tales out of school, ought I, old bean?" Again the forefinger was employed, and its owner looked round expectantly. Beads of perspiration became visible upon Berry's forehead, and Jonah and I burst into a roar of laughter.

Greatly encouraged by our mirth, Mr. Lewis beamed with geniality, and, slapping Berry upon the back with the diamond ring, commended the good old times, observed that the undergraduates of to-day were of a very different cla.s.s to "me and you," and added that England was in such a rotten state that, if the Coal Controller had not personally begged him to "carry on," he would have "up stick and cleared out to Australia long ago."

At his concluding words Daphne sat up as if she had been shot. Then, administering to me a kick, which she afterwards explained had been intended for Berry, she smiled very charmingly.

"I suppose you're just up for the day, Mr. Lewis. As we are," she inquired.

With an elaborate bow Mr. Lewis agreed, and in a moment the two were carrying on an absurd conversation, to which Jonah and I contributed by laughing unfeignedly whenever a remark justified an expression of mirth.

Jill and Agatha were on the edge of hysteria, and Berry sat sunk in a condition of profound gloom, from which he occasionally emerged to fix one or other of us with a stare of such malevolence as only served to throw us into a fresh paroxysm of laughter.

Had Mr. Lewis for one moment appreciated the true cause of our amus.e.m.e.nt, he would have been a broken man. Happily his self-confidence was sublime, and, when Daphne finally bowed and remarked with a dazzling smile that no doubt he and her husband would like to have a little chat after luncheon, he retired in a perfect ecstasy of gratification.

When he was out of earshot--

"Why not ask him to come and live with us?" said Berry. "He could go to the Loganberrys' ball on Tuesday, and Jonah and I can put him up for the Club. He might even stay for Ascot."

"I think he's a topper," said I.

"Old college pal, I suppose," said Jonah. "Let's call the Stilton after him."

"Listen," said Daphne. "Didn't you hear him say he was something to do with coal? Well, the moment he said it, I thought of what I've been trying to remember ever since yesterday morning. We've got three hundredweight left, and we've had more than our ration already. For goodness' sake, get him to do something for us."

"You wicked woman," said Berry. "You wicked, deceitful woman."

"Nonsense," said Daphne. "It's just a stroke of luck. Of course, he mayn't be able to help, but it's worth trying. If you want to do without a hot bath--let alone fires--for the next three months, I don't."

"And I am to be the cat's-paw?" said Berry. "I'm to have the felicity of hobn.o.bbing with that poisonous bounder----"

"You've done it before," said I. "He remembers it perfectly."

"Vermin," said Berry, "you lie. My a.s.sociation with that little pet was confined to the two solitary occasions upon which I was so misguided as to be the guest of a club of which he was not a member, but which was, nevertheless, an inst.i.tution of the college which he adorned. After dinner it was customary to pay a short but eventful visit to the rooms of the most unpopular man in college. On each occasion Mr. Lewis's rooms were unanimously selected."

"Nemesis," said I. "He's getting his own back."

"I rejoice to think," said my brother-in-law, "that it was I who conceived the idea of secreting Chinese figs in every pair of his boots and shoes that could be found. If I remember, we used the best part of two boxes."

"I depend upon you," said Daphne. "Be civil to him for five minutes, and we'll--we'll wait for you between St. Mary's and The Radcliffe."

"But how nice of you! I should hate to suggest that you were not taking any risks. Of course, a punt moored in midstream would be safer."

"He might be worse," said I. "I admit I could spare the diamond, but at least he's not wearing a c.u.mmerbund and sand shoes."

"Hush," said Jonah. "He's keeping them for Henley. You won't catch him out on dress. Ah me," he added with a sigh, "I love to see old chums meet again, don't you?"

"There's nothing so touching," said I, "as a reunion of souls. To revive the memory of boyhood's intimacy, of joys and troubles shared, of visits to the tuck-shop.... If the truth were known, I expect they were always together, sort of inseparable, you know."

"No doubt. Naturally, Berry's a bit shy at first, but that's often the way. Before the afternoon's out, he'll be calling him 'Erb' again, and they'll have changed hats."

"This," said Berry, "is intolerable. A little more and I shall burst into large pear-shaped tears. Let's pay the bill, will you?" He rose to his feet. "And now I'm going to remember more things in five minutes than Mr. Lewis has forgotten in thirteen years. Will two tons be enough?"

"Make it three," said Daphne.

"And we are to rea.s.semble between St. Mary's and The Radcliffe. Or was it between The Radcliffe and St. Mary's?"

"We shall wait five minutes and no more," said I. "That gives you one minute forty seconds a ton, or five seconds a hundredweight. Keep the home fires burning."

"Mathematician and imitation humorist," said Berry. "Isn't it wonderful?

Don't forget to let me know what the bill comes to. Just as a matter of interest."

He sauntered in the direction of Mr. Lewis, who was watching him with the air of a terrier that hopes to be taken out for a walk....

I called for the bill, and five minutes later the rest of us were strolling across the cobbles under the shadow of The Radcliffe Camera.

"As soon as he comes," said Jonah, "we'll go to New College. We can sit in the gardens there for a bit and suck soda-mints. When the process of digestion is completed, we can see the chapel and hall, and then one of us can borrow a gown, and we'll look in at The Bodleian."

The project seemed admirable, but, as has been frequently remarked, Man but proposes.

More than four minutes had elapsed, and we were casually sauntering towards The High, to see if Berry was in sight, when the latter swung round the corner of Brasenose with Mr. Lewis stepping joyously by his side.

Instead of his grey Homburg, my brother-in-law was wearing a soft clerical hat which was too small for him. The ludicrous effect created by this subst.i.tution of headgear can be more easily imagined than described.

For a moment we wavered. Then Jill gave a shriek of laughter, and we broke and scattered something after the manner of a mounted reconnoitring patrol that has unexpectedly "b.u.mped into" a battalion of the enemy. Our retreat, however, was not exactly precipitate, and we endeavoured to invest it with a semblance of hypocrisy not usually thought necessary in warfare; but it was in no sense dignified, and only a child, too young to differentiate between right and wrong, could have failed to recognize the true motive which prompted our withdrawal.

Seizing Agatha by the arm I turned left about, pointed vehemently to the dome of the Camera, and hurried her in the direction of the gate which admitted to that inst.i.tution. Simultaneously Jonah wheeled right about and, apparently imparting information of a startling character concerning the east front of Brasenose to his sister and cousin, began to hustle them towards the entrance. To Berry's repeated nominal exhortations we paid not the slightest attention. Coal or no coal, the combination of Mr. Lewis and my brother-in-law--the latter in a mood which the a.s.sumption of so ridiculous a garb made it impossible to mistake--was too awful to contemplate. There are things which are worse than a cold bath.

I did not stop until we were safely on the leads of the Camera.

Considerably out of breath, we leaned cautiously upon the bal.u.s.trade, if possible from our eminence to observe the manoeuvres of our terror. Look where we would, there was no one to be seen.

"The brute must have followed the others into B.N.C.," I panted. "I'd love to see them come out."

"I think he's a scream," said Agatha. "If he could only see himself in that hat...."

She dissolved into peals of laughter.

"I agree. But I'd rather watch from the stalls than a.s.sist him in one of his turns."

"Stalls? This is more like the gallery."

"True. But remember. 'Who sups with the devil should hold a long spoon.'

All the same, if you can bear another proverb, 'It's an ill wind,' etc.

If I hadn't been hard up for a refuge, I should never have thought of bringing you up here, and for any one to get an idea of Oxford it's as good a place as I know."

Miss Deriot gazed at the magnificent prospect before replying.

"It ought to make me feel very small," she said suddenly, "but somehow it doesn't. It's so terribly old and all that, but it's got such a kind look."

"That," said I, "is the quality of Oxford. And I congratulate you. You are articulate where wise men have stood dumb. Perhaps it's because you're so much alike."

"Who."