Berry and Co Part 59

When, after exploring the undergrowth for nearly half an hour, he suddenly descried his footgear lodged in the branches of a neighbouring ash, Mr. Dunkelsbaum's behaviour gave me cause to fear for his reason.

My theory that some dim-sighted fowl must have mistaken the truant for a piece of refuse met with a furious dismissal, and, from the perfectly poisonous stare with which he declined my offer of a.s.sistance to secure his quarry, I was forced to the conclusion that he a.s.sociated me with its elevation. This discovery caused me much pain, but the rude man was soon to pay dearly for his foul suspicion. True, he got it down: but it seemed as if the ravages of wear and tear, to say nothing of its immersion, had heavily discounted the value of the boot as an article of wearing apparel, for, after several agonized endeavours to replace it upon his foot, Mr. Dunkelsbaum screamed, flung it down, spat upon it, and offered up what I took to be a short prayer for immediate death.

"After this horrible exhibition of temper, I felt that no useful purpose could be served by remaining within sight or earshot of the abandoned creature, so I released the terrier and made ready to depart.

"'Herr Splodgenblunk,' I said, 'I must now leave you. Should you be still anxious to arrive at Bloat, you cannot do better than----'

"He interrupted me with a terrible cry.

"'I vos neffer vant to 'ave arrive at Bloat!'

"'But you said----'

"'No! No!' he raved. 'It vos _Brrrooch_, I 'ave say--_Brrrooch_!'

"I affected the utmost surprise.

"'Oh, Brooch. Why, we came miles out of our way. Brooch is over there.

Back the way we came, out of the enclosure, and the first on the right.

That's the worst of a Scotch accent.'"

Berry paused for the laughter to subside. As it died down--

"That," said I, "was refined cruelty."

"I confess," said Berry, "that, compared with the paroxysm which succeeded my statement, its predecessors were pale and colourless.

Indeed, but for a timely diversion, I believe the gent would have gone up in smoke.

"You see, it was like this.

"Ever since his release, n.o.bby had evinced a pardonable curiosity regarding Mr. Dunkelsbaum's bootless foot. Unknown to its owner, he had subjected this remarkable member to the closest scrutiny, and it was in the midst of the other's spirited study of 'A Lost Soul' that he decided to remove the objectionable cloak or covering, which it is charity to describe as a sock.

"It was, of course, unmannerly. The dog should have controlled his morbid thirst for knowledge. But there you are. Still, it was imprudent of Mr. Dunkelsbaum to kick him in the ribs. I felt that instinctively.

Had the gentleman remained to argue, I should have said as much. But he didn't.

"Going extremely short upon the near fore, he rocketed down the hill, with n.o.bby in the immediate future, barking like a fiend and striving, so to speak, to take Time by the forelock. From the fragment of cashmere with which he presently returned, I fear that he was successful.

"And there you are. All things considered, if he's still alive, I should think he'd make Brooch about half-past eight."

"He may get a lift," said Jonah.

"Not he. Once bitten, twice shy. After all, he asked for it, didn't he?

And now shall I have some tea? Or would that be greedy?"

Sir Anthony wiped his eyes.

"If he'd known you," he crowed, "as well as I do, he'd 've been more careful. Who sups with the devil should hold a long spoon."

"I don't know what you mean, sir," said Berry. "I'm a respectable----"

"Exactly," said I. "And meek. Thanks to Ura.n.u.s."

CHAPTER X

HOW ADeLE BROKE HER DREAM, AND VANDY PLEYDELL TOOK EXERCISE.

"What, again?" said I, staring at the breakfast-cup which Jill was offering me, that I might pa.s.s it to Daphne. "How many more cups is he going to drink? He's had three to my knowledge."

"That vessel," said Berry, "was pa.s.sed to you for information and immediate action. So, as they say in the Army, close your peris.h.i.+n' head and get down to it."

"What you want," said I, "is a bucket. Or a private urn."

"What's the matter with a trough?" said Jonah. "That'd be more in keeping."

Berry turned to Adele.

"You see?" he said. "Two putrid minds with but a single snort. But there you are. Don't dwell on it. Pa.s.s the marmalade instead." He turned to his wife. "And what's the programme for to-day? The gla.s.s has gone up, it's already raining, 'all's right with the world.' Anybody like to play ping-pong?"

"Fool," said his wife. "As a matter of fact, I don't think it would be a bad idea if we went over to Broken Ash for tea." Berry made a grimace, and Jill and I groaned. Even Jonah looked down his nose at the suggestion. "Yes," my sister continued, "I didn't think it'd be a popular move, but I'd like Adele to see the pictures, and we haven't shown a sign of life since we left Town."

At Broken Ash lived the other branch of the Pleydell family, consisting of our Cousin Vandy and his two sisters. Between them and us there was little love lost. Of their jealousy of Berry, but for whose birth White Ladies would have pa.s.sed into their hands, they made but an open secret; and, when he married my sister, who was his second cousin, and the Mansels--Cousins Jonah and Jill--had thrown in their lot with us, relations had become more strained than before. The conventions were, however, observed. Calendars were exchanged at Christmas, birthdays were recognized with a cold epistolary nod, and occasional calls were paid and invitations issued. Their possession of all but two of the family portraits was undoubted, and with nine points of the law in their favour they were well armed. It was an open question whether the tenth point, which was ours, was sufficiently doughty to lay the other nine by the heels. Years ago counsel had advised that the law was dead in our favour, but it was certain that Vandy and his sisters would resist any claim we made with great bitterness, and the settlement of a family quarrel in the public ring of the High Court was more than we could stomach.

Still, the pictures were worth seeing. There were a Holbein, a Van Dyck, three Gainsboroughs, and two from the brush of Reynolds among them, and, so soon as she had learned of their existence, Adele had evinced an eagerness to be shown the collection.

There was a moment's silence. Then--

"I'd hate to think you were going for my sake," said Adele.

"We're not, dear," said Daphne. "Even if you weren't here, we should have to go some day soon."

"Yes," said Berry. "We hate one another like poison, but we've never declared war. Consequently, diplomatic relations are still maintained, and in due season we meet and are charmingly offensive to one another.

When war broke out they were very sticky about billeting a few Yeomanry chargers, and crawled and lied about their stabling till the authorities got fed up and commandeered all they'd got. Therefore, whenever we meet, I chivvy the conversation in the direction of horseflesh. In the same way, having regard to the burglary which we suffered last month, Vandy will spread himself on the subject of old silver. The moment they heard of it, they sent us a triumphant telegram of condolence."

My sister laughed.

"If you say much more," she said, "Adele will be afraid to come with us.

I admit it's a duty call, pure and simple. All the same, there won't be any bloodshed."

"I'm ready for anything," said Addle thoughtfully. "Shall I wear a red or white rose?"

"Don't tell us you can control your cheeks," said I. "It's unheard of.

And why are you so pensive this morning? Is it because of Ireland? Or have you trodden on your sponge?"

"I believe she's broken the soap-dish," said Berry, "and is afraid to tell us."

"Don't tease her," said Jill. "Why shouldn't she be quiet if she likes?"