The Young Man's Guide Part 23

'The last chapter of the book, is by no means, in my view, the least important. I regret to say that many _religious_ young men, through ignorance, are attached to the last mentioned vice.

I could wish that what you have written could be carefully read by every _young_ man, at least, in our land. Alas, dear sir, how little do mortals know, when they do not understand their physical structure!'

AN ADDITIONAL CHAPTER.

SECTION I. _Choice of Friends._

The importance, to a young man, of a few worthy female friends, has been mentioned in Chapter V. But to him who aspires at the highest possible degree of improvement or usefulness, a select number of confidential friends of his own s.e.x is scarcely less valuable.

Great caution is however necessary in making the selection. "A man is known by the company he keeps," has long since pa.s.sed into a proverb; so well does it accord with universal experience. And yet many a young man neglects or despises this maxim, till his reputation is absolutely and irretrievably lost.

Lucius was a remarkable instance of this kind. Extremely diffident, he was introduced to a neighborhood where every individual but one was an entire stranger to him; and this person was one whose character was despised. But what is life without a.s.sociates? Few are wholly dest.i.tute of sympathy, even brute animals. Lucius began to be found in the company of the young man I have mentioned; and this too in spite of the faithful and earnest remonstrances of his friends, who foresaw the consequences. But, like too many inexperienced young men, conscious of his own purity of intention, he thought there could surely be no harm in occasional walks and conversations with even a bad man; and who knows, he sometimes used to say, but I may do him good? At any rate, as he was the only person with whom he could hold free conversation on "things that were past," he determined occasionally to a.s.sociate with him.

But as it is with many a young lady who has set out with the belief that a reformed rake makes the best husband, so it was with Lucius; he found that the work of reforming the vicious was no easy task. Instead of making the smallest approaches to success, he perceived at last, when it was too late, that his familiarity with young Frederick had not only greatly lowered him in the estimation of the people with whom he now resided, but even in the estimation of Frederick himself; who was encouraged to pursue his vicious course, by the consideration that it did not exclude him from the society of those who were universally beloved and respected.

This anecdote shows how cautious we ought to be in the choice of friends. Had Lucius been a minister or reformer by profession, he could have gone among the vicious to reclaim them, with less danger. The Saviour of mankind ate and drank with "publicans and sinners;" but HE was well _known_ as going among them to save them, though even he did not wholly escape obloquy.

Few are aware, how much they are the creatures of imitation; and how readily they catch the manners, habits of expression, and even modes of thinking, of those whose company they keep. Let the young remember, then, that it is not from the remarks of others, alone, that they are likely to suffer; but that they are _really_ lowered in the scale of excellence, every time they come in unguarded contact with the vicious.

It is of the highest importance to seek for companions those who are not only _intelligent_ and _virtuous_, in the common acceptation of the term, but, if it were possible, those who are a little above them, especially in _moral excellence_.

Nor is this so difficult a task as many suppose. There are in every community, a few who would make valuable companions. Not that they are perfect,--for perfection, in the more absolute sense of the term, belongs not to humanity; but their characters are such, that they would greatly improve yours. And remember, that it is by no means indispensable that your circle of intimate friends be very large. Nay, it is not even desirable, in a world like this. You may have many acquaintances, but I should advise you to have but few near friends. If you have one, who is what he should be, you are comparatively happy.

SECTION II. _Rudeness of Manners._

By rudeness I do not mean mere coa.r.s.eness or rusticity, for that were more pardonable; but a want of civility. In this sense of the term, I am prepared to censure one practice, which in the section on _Politeness_, was overlooked. I refer to the practice so common with young men in some circ.u.mstances and places, of wearing their hats or caps in the house;--a practice which, whenever and wherever it occurs, is decidedly reprehensible.

Most of us have probably seen state legislatures in session with their hats on. This does not look well for the representatives of the most civil communities in the known world; and though I do not pretend that in this respect they fairly represent their const.i.tuents, yet I do maintain that the toleration of such a practice implies a dereliction of the public sentiment.

That the practice of uncovering the head, whenever we are in the house, tends to promote health, though true, I do not at this time affirm. It is sufficient for my present purpose, if I succeed in showing that the contrary practice tends to vice and immorality.

Who has not seen the rudeness of a company of men, a.s.sembled perhaps in a bar-room--with their hats on; and also witnessed the more decent behavior of another similar group, a.s.sembled in similar circ.u.mstances, without perceiving at once a connection between the hats and the rudeness of the one company, as well as between the more orderly behavior and the uncovered heads of the other?

To come to individuals. Attend a party or concert--no matter about the name;--I mean some place where it is pardonable, or rather _deemed_ pardonable, to wear the hat. Who behave in the most gentle, christian manner,--the few who wear their hats or those who take them off? In a family or school, which are the children that are most civil and well behaved? Is it not those who are most scrupulous, always, to appear within the house with their heads uncovered? Nay, in going out of schools, churches, &c., who are they that put on their hats first, as if it was a work of self-denial to hold them in their hands, or even suffer them to remain in their place till the blessing is p.r.o.nounced, or till the proper time has arrived for using them?

Once more. In pa.s.sing through New England or any other part of the United States, entering into the houses of the people, and seeing them just as they are, who has not been struck with the fact that where there is the most of wearing hats and caps in the house, there is generally the most of ill manners, not to say of vicious habits and conduct.

Few are sufficiently aware of the influence of what they often affect to despise as little things. But I have said enough on this point in its proper place. The great difficulty is in carrying the principles there inculcated into the various conditions of life, and properly applying them.

SECTION III. _Self-praise._

Some persons are such egotists that rather than not be conspicuous, they will even speak _ill_ of themselves. This may seem like a contradiction; but it is nevertheless a truth.

Such conduct is explicable in two ways. Self condemnation may be merely an attempt to extort praise from the bystanders, by leading them to deny our statements, or defend our conduct. Or, it may be an attempt to set ourselves off as abounding in self knowledge; a kind of knowledge which is universally admitted to be difficult of attainment. I have heard people condemn their past conduct in no measured terms, who would not have borne a t.i.the of the same severity of remark from others.

Perhaps it is not too much to affirm that persons of this description are often among the vainest, if not the proudest of the community.

In general, it is the best way to say as little about ourselves, our friends, our books, and our circ.u.mstances as possible. It is soon enough to speak of ourselves when we are compelled to do it in our own defence.