The Young Man's Guide Part 8

My present purpose is to offer a few hints, with a view to a.s.sist you in judging of the characters of those with whom it may be your lot to deal. Remember, however, that like all things human, they are imperfect. All I can say is that they are the best I can offer.

There is something in knavery that will hardly bear the inspection of a piercing eye; and you may, more generally, observe in a sharper an unsteady and confused look. If a person is persuaded of the uncommon sagacity of one before whom he is to appear, he will hardly succeed in mustering impudence and artifice enough to bear him through without faltering. It will, therefore, be a good way to try one whom you have reason to suspect of a design upon you, by fixing your eyes upon his, and bringing up a supposition of your having to do with one whose integrity you suspected; stating what you would do in such a case. If the person you are talking with be really what you expect, he will hardly be able to keep his countenance.

It will be a safe rule,--though doubtless there are exceptions to it,--to take mankind to be more or less avaricious. Yet a great love of money is a great enemy to honesty. The aged are, in this respect, more dangerous than the young. It will be your wisdom ever to be cautious of _aged_ avarice; and especially of those who, in an affected and forced manner, bring in religion, and talk much of _duty_ on all occasions; of all smooth and fawning people; of those who are very talkative, and who, in dealing with you, endeavor to draw off your attention from the point in hand by incoherent or random expressions.

I have already advised you how to proceed with those of whom you have good reason to be suspicious. But by all means avoid entertaining unnecessary suspicions of your fellow beings; for it will usually render both you and them the more miserable. It is often owing to a consciousness of a designing temper, in ourselves, that we are led to suspect others.

If you hear a person boasting of having got a remarkably good bargain, you may generally conclude him by no means too honest; for almost always where one gains much in a bargain, the other loses. I know well that cases occur where both parties are gainers, but not greatly so.

And when you hear a man triumph in gaining by another's loss, you may easily judge of his character.

Let me warn you against the sanguine promisers. Of these there are two sorts. The first are those who from a foolish custom of fawning upon all those whom they meet with in company, have acquired a habit of promising great favors which they have no idea of performing. The second are a sort of warm hearted people, who while they lavish their promises have some thoughts of performing them; but when the time comes, and the sanguine fit is worn off, the trouble or expense appears in another light; the promiser cools, and the expectant is disappointed.

Be cautious of dealing with an avaricious and cruel man, for if it should happen by an unlucky turn of trade that you should come into the power of such a person, you have nothing to expect but the utmost rigor of the law.

In negotiating, there are a number of circ.u.mstances to be considered; the neglect of any of which may defeat your whole scheme. These will be mentioned in the next section.

SECTION XI. _How to take Men as they are._

Such a knowledge of human character as will enable us to treat mankind according to their dispositions, circ.u.mstances, and modes of thinking, so as to secure their aid in all our _laudable_ purposes, is absolutely indispensable. And while all men boast of their knowledge of human nature, and would rather be thought ignorant of almost every thing else than this, how obvious it is that there is nothing in regard to which there exists so much ignorance!

A miser is by no means a proper person to apply to for a favor that will _cost_ him any thing. But if he chance to be a man of principle, he _may_ make an excellent partner in trade, or arbitrator in a dispute about property; for he will have patience to investigate little things, and to stand about trifles, which a generous man would scorn. Still, as an honest man, and above all as a Christian, I doubt whether it would be quite right thus to derive advantage from the vices of another. In employing the miser, you give scope to his particular vice.

A pa.s.sionate man will fly into a rage at the most trifling affront, but he will generally forget it nearly as soon, and be glad to do any thing in his power to make up with you. It is not therefore so dangerous to disoblige _him_, as the gloomy, sullen mortal, who will wait seven years for an opportunity to do you mischief.

A cool, slow man, who is somewhat advanced in age, is generally the best person to advise with. For despatch of business, however, make use of the young, the warm, and the sanguine. Some men are of no character at all; but always take a tinge from the last company they were in.

Their advice, as well as their a.s.sistance, is usually good for nothing.

It is in vain to think of finding any thing very valuable in the mind of a covetous man. Avarice is generally the vice of abject spirits. Men who have a very great talent at making money, commonly have no other; for the man who began with nothing, and has acc.u.mulated wealth, has been too busy to think of improving his mind; or indeed, to think of any thing else but property.

A boaster is always to be suspected. His is a natural infirmity, which makes him forget what he is about, and run into a thousand extravagances that have no connection with the truth. With those who have a tolerable knowledge of the world, all his a.s.sertions, professions of friends.h.i.+p, promises, and threatenings, go for nothing.

Trust him with a secret, and he will surely discover it, either through vanity or levity.

A meek tempered man is not quite the proper person for you; his _modesty_ will be easily _confounded_.--The talkative man will be apt to forget himself, and blunder out something that will give you trouble.

A man's ruling pa.s.sion is the key by which you may come at his character, and pretty nearly guess how he will act in any given circ.u.mstances, unless he is a wit or a fool; _they_ act chiefly from caprice.

There are likewise connections between the different _parts_ of men's characters, which it will be useful for you to study. For example, if you find a man to be hasty and pa.s.sionate, you may generally take it for granted he is open and artless, and so on. Like other general rules, however, this admits of many exceptions.

A bully is usually a coward. When, therefore, you unluckily have to deal with such a man, the best way is to make up to him boldly, and answer him with firmness. If you show the least sign of submission, he will take advantage of it to use you ill.

There are six sorts of people, at whose hands you need not expect much kindness. The _sordid and narrow minded_, think of n.o.body but themselves. The _lazy_ will not take the trouble to oblige you. The _busy_ have not time to think of you. The overgrown _rich man_, is above regarding any one, how much soever he may stand in need of a.s.sistance. The _poor and unhappy_ often have not the ability. The good natured _simpleton_, however willing, is _incapable_ of serving you.[7]

The _age_ of the person you are to deal with is also to be considered.

_Young_ people are easily drawn into any scheme, merely from its being new, especially if it falls in with their love of pleasure; but they are almost as easily discouraged from it by the next person they meet with. They are not good counsellors, for they are apt to be precipitate and thoughtless; but are very fit for action, where you prescribe them a track from which they know they must not vary. Old age, on the contrary, is slow but sure; very cautious; opposed to new schemes and ways of life; inclining, generally, to covetousness; fitter to _consult_ with you, than to _act_ for you; not so easily won by fair speeches or long reasonings; tenacious of old opinions, customs, and formalities; apt to be displeased with those, especially younger people, who pretend to question their judgment; fond of deference, and of being listened to. Young people, in their anger, mean less than they say; old people more. You may make up for an injury with most young men; the old are generally more slow in forgiving.

The fittest character to be concerned with in business, is, that in which are united an inviolable integrity, founded upon rational principles of virtue and religion, a cool but determined temper, a friendly heart, a ready hand, long experience and extensive knowledge of the world; with a solid reputation of many years' standing, and easy circ.u.mstances.

[7] These statements may seem to require a little qualification.

There are _two sorts_ of _busy_ men. One sort are busy, as the result of _benevolent purpose_. These are often among the best of mankind; and though always _busy_ in carrying out their plans, they find time to perform a thousand little acts of goodness, notwithstanding.--It has, indeed, been sometimes said, that when a great public enterprise is about to be undertaken, which requires the aid of individual contributions, either of time or money, those who are most busy, and from whom we might naturally expect the least, often do the _most_. It is also said that men of business have the most leisure; and it sometimes seems to be true, where they methodize their plans properly. These maxims, however, apply with the most force to men devoted to a higher purpose than the wors.h.i.+p of this world--men who live for G.o.d, and the good of his universe, generally.

There are also two sorts of _rich_ men. Some men may have property in their hands to an immense amount, without possessing a worldly spirit. The _rich_ man referred to above, is of another sort. He is the man who '_gets all he can_, and _keeps_ all he can _get_.' This is probably the gospel definition of the term, a _rich man_, who, it is said, can no more enter a world of spiritual enjoyment than a camel or a cable can go through 'the eye of a needle.'

SECTION XII. _Of desiring the good opinion of others._

A young man is not far from ruin, when he can say, without blus.h.i.+ng, _I don't care what others think of me_. To be insensible to public opinion, or to the estimation in which we are held by others, by no means indicates a good and generous spirit.

But to have a due regard to public opinion is one thing, and to make that opinion the princ.i.p.al rule of action, quite another. There is no greater weakness than that of letting our happiness depend _too much_ upon the opinion of others. Other people lie under such disadvantages for coming at our true characters, and are so often misled by prejudice for or against us, that if our own conscience condemns us, their approbation can give us little consolation. On the other hand, if we are sure we acted from honest motives, and with a reference to proper ends, it is of little consequence if the world should happen to find fault. Mankind, for the most part, are so much governed by fancy, that what will win their hearts to-day, will disgust them to-morrow; and he who undertakes to please every body at all times, places, and circ.u.mstances, will never be in want of employment.

A wise man, when he hears of reflections made upon him, will consider whether they are _just_. If they are, he will correct the faults in question, with as much cheerfulness as if they had been suggested by his dearest friend.

I have sometimes thought that, in this view, enemies were the best of friends. Those who are merely friends in name, are often unwilling to tell us a great many things which it is of the highest importance that we should know. But our enemies, from spite, envy, or some other cause, mention them; and we ought on the whole to rejoice that they do, and to make the most of their remarks.

SECTION XIII. _Intermeddling with the affairs of others._

There are some persons who never appear to be _happy_, if left to themselves and their own reflections. All their enjoyment seems to come from without; none from within. They are ever for having something to do with the affairs of others. Not a single petty quarrel can take place, in the neighborhood, but they suffer their feelings to be enlisted, and allow themselves to "take sides" with one of the parties.

Those who possess such a disposition are among the most miserable of their race.

An old writer says that 'Every one should mind his own business; for he who is perpetually concerning himself about the good or ill fortune of others, will never be at rest.' And he says truly.

It is not denied that some men are professionally bound to attend to the concerns of others. But this is not the case supposed. The bulk of mankind will be happier, and do more for others, by letting them alone; at least by avoiding any of that sort of meddling which may be construed into officiousness.

Some of the worst meddlers in human society are those who have been denominated _match-makers_. A better name for them, however, would be match-_breakers_, for if they do not actually break more matches than they make, they usually cause a great deal of misery to those whom they are instrumental in bringing prematurely together.

Many people who, in other respects, pa.s.s for excellent, do not hesitate to take sides on almost all occasions, whether they know much about the real merits of the case or not. Others judge, at once, of every one of whom they hear any thing evil, and in the same premature manner.

All these and a thousand other kinds of 'meddling' do much evil. The tendency is to keep men like Ishmael, with their hands against every man, and every man's hands against theirs.

SECTION XIV. _On Keeping Secrets._

It is sometimes said that in a good state of society there would be no necessity of _keeping_ secrets, for no individual would have any thing to conceal. This _may_ be true; but if so, society is far--very far--from being as perfect as it ought to be. At present we shall find no intelligent circle, except it were the society of the glorified above, which does not require occasional secrecy. But if there are secrets to be kept, somebody must keep them.

Some persons can hardly conceal a secret, if they would. They will promise readily enough; but the moment they gain possession of the fact, its importance rises in their estimation, till it occupies so much of their waking thoughts, that it will be almost certain, in some form or other, to escape them.

Others are not very anxious to conceal things which are entrusted to them. They may not wish to make mischief, exactly; but there is a sort of recklessness about them, that renders them very unsafe confidants.

Others again, when they promise, mean to perform. But no sooner do they possess the _treasure_ committed to their charge, than they begin to grow forgetful of the _manner_ of coming by it. And before they are aware, they reveal it.

There are not many then, whom it is safe to trust. These you will value as they do diamonds, in proportion to their scarcity.

But there _are_ individuals who merit your highest confidence, if you can but find them. Husbands, where a union is founded as it ought to be, can usually trust their wives. This is one of the prominent advantages of matrimony. It gives us an opportunity of unbosoming our feelings and views and wishes not only with safety, but often with _sympathy_.

But confidence may sometimes be reposed, in other circ.u.mstances. Too much reserve makes us miserable. Perhaps it were better that we should suffer a little, now and then, than that we should never trust.

As an instance of the extent to which mankind can sometimes be confided in, and to show that celibacy, too, is not without this virtue, you will allow me to relate, briefly, an anecdote.