At the Crossroads Part 51

"Darling, I am going away!"

"Away--where?" Kathryn became rigid.

"Overseas."

"Overseas? What for, in heaven's name?"

"Oh! anything they'll let me do. I'm going as soon as I can be sent--but----"

"You mean, without any reason whatever, you're going to go over there?"

"Hardly without something that stands for reason, Kathryn."

"But no one, not even Doctor Manly, thinks that it is our fight, Brace. The men who have gone are simply adventurers; men who love excitement or men who want to cut responsibilities and don't dare confess it."

Kathryn's face flamed hot.

"Their lives must be pretty d.a.m.nable," Northrup broke in, "if they take such a method to fling them aside. Do try to understand, dear; our women must, you know." There was pleading in the words.

Then by one of those sudden reversions of her nimble wits, Kathryn recalled things she had heard recently--and immediately she took the centre of her well-lighted stage, and horrible as it might seem, saw herself, a ravis.h.i.+ng picture in fascinating widow's weeds! While this vision was holding, Kathryn clung to Northrup and was experiencing actual distress--not ghoulish pleasure.

"Oh! you must not leave me," she quivered.

"You will help me, Kathryn; be a woman like my mother?" Again Northrup pleaded. This was unfortunate. It steadied Kathryn, but it hardened her.

"You want me to marry you at once, Brace?" she whispered.

"No, dear. That would not be fair to you. I want you to understand; I want to know that you will--will keep Mother company. That is all, until I come home. I could not feel justified in asking a woman to marry such a--such a chance as I am about to be."

Now there was cause for what Kathryn suddenly felt, but not the cause she suspected. Had Northrup loved deeply, faithfully, understandingly, he might, as others did, see that to the right woman the "chance," as he termed himself, would become her greatest glory and hope, but as it was Northrup considered only Kathryn's best good and, gropingly, he realized that her interests and his were not, at the present, identical.

But Kathryn, her ever-present jealousy and apprehension rising, was carried from her moorings. She recalled the evidences of "duty" in Northrup's att.i.tude toward her since his return from King's Forest; his abstraction and periods of low spirits.

"He cannot stand it any longer," she thought resentfully; "he's willing to do anything, take any chance."

A hot wave of anger enveloped Kathryn, but she did not speak.

"Kathryn"--Northrup grew restive at her silence--"haven't you anything to say to me? Something I can remember--over there? I'd like to think of you as I see you now, little, pretty, and loving. The blue gown, the jolly fire, this fine old room--I reckon there will be times when my thoughts will cling to the old places and my own people rather fiercely."

"What can I say, Brace? You never see _my_ position. Men are selfish always, even about their horrible fights. What do they care about their women, when the call of blood comes? Oh! I hate it all, I hate it! Everything upset--men coming back, heaven only knows how! even if they come at all--but we women must let them go and _smile_ so as to send them off unworried. We must stay home and be _nothings_ until the end and then take what's left--joyfully, gratefully--oh! I hate it all."

Northrup got up and stood again with his back to the fire. He loomed rather large and dark before Kathryn's angry eyes. She feared he was going to say the sentimental regulation thing, but he did not.

Sorrowfully he said:

"What you say, dear, is terribly true. It isn't fair nor decent and there are times when I feel only shame because, after all these centuries, we have thought out no better way; but, Kathryn, women are taking part in this trouble--perhaps _you_----"

"You mean that _I_ may go over into that shambles--if I want to?" With this Kathryn sprang to her feet. "Well, thanks! I do not want to. I'm not the kind of girl who takes her dissipation that way. If I ever let go, I'll take my medicine and not expect to be s.h.i.+elded by this sentimentality."

"Kathryn, how can you? My dear, my dear! Say what you want to about my folly--men's mistakes--but do not speak so of your--sisters!"

"Sisters?" Kathryn laughed her mirthless but musical laugh. "You _are_ funny, Brace!"

Then, as was her way when she lost control, Kathryn made straight for the rocks while believing she was guided by divine intuition. She faced Northrup, looking up at him from her lower level.

"I think I understand the whole matter," she said slowly, all traces of excitement gone. "I am going to prove it. Will you marry me before you go?"

"No, Kathryn. This is a matter of principle with me."

"You think they might not let you go--you'd have to provide for my protection?"

"No, I am not afraid of that. You'd be well provided for; I would go under any circ.u.mstances, but I will not permit you to take a leap in the dark."

"That sounds very fine, but _I_ do not believe it!"

The black wings that poor Jan-an had suspected under Kathryn's fine plumage were flapping darkly now. Kathryn was awed by Northrup's silence and aloofness. She was afraid, but still angry. What was filling her own narrow mind, she believed, was filling Northrup's and she lost all sense of proportion.

"Is _she_ going over there?" she asked.

Northrup, if possible, looked more bewildered and dazed.

"She--whom do you mean, Kathryn?"

"Oh! I never meant to tell you! You drive me to it, Brace. I always meant to blot it out----"

Kathryn got no further just then. Northrup came close to her and with folded arms fixed his eyes upon her flushed face.

"Kathryn, you're excited; you've lost control of yourself, but there's something under all this that we must get at. Just answer my questions. Whom do you mean--by 'she'?"

Kathryn mentally recoiled and with her back to her wall replied, out of the corner of her mouth:

"That girl in King's Forest!"

From sheer astonishment Northrup drew back as from a blow. Kathryn misunderstood and gained courage.

"I forgave it because I love you, Brace." She gathered her cheap little charms together--her s.e.x appeals. "I understood from the moment I saw her."

"When did you see her? Where?"

Northrup had recovered himself; he was able to think. He knew he must act quickly, emphatically, and he generously tried to be just.

Keen to take advantage of what she believed was guilt, Kathryn responded, dragging her lures along with her.

"Please, dear Brace, do not look at me so sternly. I could not help what happened and I suffered so, although I never meant to let you know. You see, I walked in the woods that day that I went to King's Forest to tell you about your mother. A queer-looking girl told me that you lived at the inn, but were then in the woods. I went to find you; to meet you--can you not understand?"

The tears stood in Kathryn's eyes, her mouth quivered. Northrup softened.

"Go on, Kathryn. I _do_ understand."