Mr Punch's Pocket Ibsen - A Collection of Some of the Master's Best Known Dramas Part 11

[_At doorway, shouting after her._] Dearest Hedda, _not_ those dangerous things, eh? Why, they have never once been known to shoot straight yet!

Don't! Have a catapult. For _my_ sake, have a catapult!

[_Curtain._

* * * * *

ACT SECOND

SCENE--_The cheerful dark drawing-room. It is afternoon._ HEDDA _stands loading a revolver in the back drawing-room_.

HEDDA.

[_Looking out and shouting._] How do you do, Judge? [_Aims at him._]

Mind yourself!

[_She fires._

BRACK.

[_Entering._] What the devil! Do you usually take pot-shots at casual visitors?

[_Annoyed._

HEDDA.

Invariably, when they come by the back-garden. It is my unconventional way of intimating that I am at home. One does do these things in realistic dramas, you know. And I was only aiming at the blue sky.

BRACK.

Which accounts for the condition of my hat. [_Exhibiting it._] Look here--_riddled!_

HEDDA.

Couldn't help myself. I am so horribly bored with Tesman. Everlastingly to be with a professional person!

BRACK.

[_Sympathetically._] Our excellent Tesman is certainly a bit of a bore.

[_Looks searchingly at her._] What on earth made you marry him?

HEDDA.

Tired of dancing, my dear, that's all. And then I used Tesman to take me home from parties; and we saw this villa; and I said I liked it, and so did he; and so we found some common ground, and here we are, do you see! And I loathe Tesman, and I don't even like the villa now; and I do feel the want of an entertaining companion so!

BRACK.

Try me. Just the kind of three-cornered arrangement that I like. Let me be the third person in the compartment--[_confidentially_]--the tried friend, and, generally speaking, c.o.c.k of the walk!

HEDDA.

[_Audibly drawing in her breath._] I cannot resist your polished way of putting things. We will conclude a triple alliance. But hus.h.!.+--here comes Tesman.

[_Enter_ GEORGE _with a number of books under his arm._

GEORGE.

Puff! I _am_ hot, Hedda. I've been looking into Lovborg's new book.

Wonderfully thoughtful--confound him! But I must go and dress for your party, Judge.

[_He goes out._

HEDDA.

I wish I could get Tesman to take to politics, Judge. Couldn't he be a Cabinet Minister, or something?

BRACK.

H'm!

[_A short pause; both look at one another, without speaking. Enter_ GEORGE, _in evening dress with gloves._

GEORGE.

It is afternoon, and your party is at half-past seven--but I like to dress early. Fancy that! And I am expecting Lovborg.

EJLERT LoVBORG _comes in from the hall; he is worn and pale, with red patches on his cheek-bones, and wears an elegant perfectly new visiting-suit and black gloves._

GEORGE.

Welcome! [_Introduces him to_ BRACK.] Listen--I have got your new book, but I haven't read it through yet.

LoVBORG.

You needn't--it's rubbish. [_Takes a packet of MSS. out._] This _isn't_.

It's in three parts; the first about the civilising forces of the future, the second about the future of the civilising forces, and the third about the forces of the future civilisation. I thought I'd read you a little of it this evening?

BRACK _and_ GEORGE.

[_Hastily._] Awfully nice of you--but there's a little party this evening--so sorry we can't stop! Won't you come too?

HEDDA.

No, he must stop and read it to me and Mrs. Elvsted instead.

GEORGE.

It would never have occurred to me to think of such clever things! Are you going to oppose me for the professors.h.i.+p, eh?

LoVBORG.