Religion in Earnest Part 11

So gloom and sadness shall retreat, And peace and joy return; For while you sit at Jesus' feet, Your heart with love will burn.

"Saw a letter from dear little John, informing his sister that he, with others of his school-fellows, has entered the Methodist Society.

He is just about the same age I was, when I received my first ticket; and from connexion with this people my name has never been erased, though hundreds of times I have not deserved the privilege of members.h.i.+p; but the people have borne with me, and more than this, G.o.d has borne with me, even till now. Glory be to G.o.d for ever!--Some struggle through life, and through successive years, are tossed on stormy seas; others more calmly pa.s.s their appointed time; but such as die in infancy, fly as a bird to its rest, and are privileged with an early entrance into glory. So happy was James R., who careless of all below, smiled, and bid the world adieu.--Had an interview with Mrs.

B.A. We found it good to be at the feet of Jesus. I told her that I thought of resigning my Sabbath cla.s.s, that I might turn my attention more fully to the village. We agreed to bring it before the Lord for a fortnight, to ask his direction.--I have written eight copies of Mr. Stoner's 'Rules for Prayer-Meetings.' and given them to our prayer-leaders. At the time of distribution, a circ.u.mstance occurred, which, though distinct from them, yet happening at the same time, will possibly be connected with them in my future recollections, and occasion mingled feelings.--Delivered my Sabbath cla.s.s-book to Mrs.

A., who, in connexion with Mrs. C., has kindly relieved me, for the present, of a responsibility, which, under existing circ.u.mstances, I feel it right to decline.

"Acomb.--Accompanied Mrs. E----n to see several of the friends, who were sick. Called upon Mr. M., whose housekeeper died suddenly the night I came; he seemed pleased with, our visit, and promised to join the people of G.o.d. Lord, help him to perform his promise, by taking possession of his heart.--I got to the morning prayer-meeting, and was unusually drawn out in prayer as I went, that the Lord would he with us and bless us; and not in vain. It was a blessed season, and I believe others felt it also. O that the Spirit from on high may be poured out, that Satan's kingdom may have a mighty shake this Whitsuntide!--I felt it my duty to call upon a neighbour or two, who, as I am informed, think themselves insulted by some, who wished faithfully to discharge their duty, in a matter of church discipline.

I went in the character of a peacemaker, and after conversing with them on the necessity of seeking a higher state of feeling, we prayed together, and felt liberty. O that in good earnest, they may begin to seek the Lord! I told them that, in my poor way, I should remember them. Lord, lay them upon my heart, that I may not forget. To-night my soul is truly happy in G.o.d. I feel much drawn out in prayer that Satan's kingdom may fall, and the religion of Jesus prevail in this village.--I felt it unusually sweet to bow before the Lord in secret, and bear up my neighbours at His throne, I felt

'The speechless awe that dares not move, And all the silent heaven of love.'

"My best seasons have been in retirement. Called upon some of my sick neighbours, and aimed to please G.o.d in all my visits. O Lord, follow with Thy blessing my weak efforts! Quicken the lukewarm, and pardon the guilty. I was glad to see some new faces at the evening preaching.--Met with my friends in band, and proposed meeting every day at two clock, to entreat the Lord to deepen His work in our souls; and especially, to hear us on behalf of our friends.--My soul was blessed, while bowed before the Lord with my little John. Surely the Spirit of prayer was poured upon us.--Went to J.S. to tell him of his faults, which, I am sorry to find by his own confession, supply just ground for censure, though exaggerated by report. Yet I did not feel that sweet Christian pity, which I have felt to others in similar circ.u.mstances. O for that yearning charity, that endeavours to draw out of Satan's snare the souls entangled by him!--Called to see my much esteemed friend, Miss C., who is sinking through decay of nature.

She says, 'I look for the accomplishment of the promise _now_;'

and speaking of the Lord's Supper, she said, 'I do not think any particular preparation is necessary; because, if we do not always live ready to communicate, we are not living as we ought.' When prayer was proposed, she said, 'Pray that I may have increase of faith, patience, and resignation.'--I addressed a note to Richard on the subject of salvation, and placed it where he might find it accidentally. Asked Mrs. R. to let me have a prayer-meeting in her house on Sabbath afternoon; she readily consented. O that G.o.d would meet us there!--With a feeble body, I set forward to the prayer-meeting; inviting as I went some, who seldom attend. Met with one whom I had never seen before, who seems desirous of salvation, and was glad to accompany me. There the Lord met with us. One soul was made truly happy, and another rejoiced in the Lord, having received good the week before. It was indeed a blessed season; but my poor body was pressed down with pain, which rendered it necessary for me to lie in bed till Monday evening.--The two who have lately found peace, came to our house; we conversed, prayed with them, read the rules, and gave them each a copy. O bless my feeble efforts!--In answer to prayer, I awoke at five o'clock and arose, and though my body is weak, my spirit is alive.--I am this day going to attempt the formation of a new cla.s.s, having secured a place in the village to meet in. I leave the result with the Lord, who knows my heart, and the hearts of the people. Empty me of self, and if Thou canst, use me for Thy glory, and give me a proof that I am not going a warfare at my own charge. Visiting some of the villagers, I felt that I was on the Lord's errand, and think I lost sight of self. O might it never more steal in! At half-past three, I went to friends R., who have kindly offered a room to meet in, and have also given in their names to meet with us. The two young women, who have lately witnessed a good confession, also joined with us, making four in all. O write each name in heaven!--This evening thirty new members were admitted on trial. What a privilege to be numbered with G.o.d's people! But when I remember that the Lord is a wall of fire round about them, I wonder that I am not more in earnest.--I found the throne easy of access. I believe the influence in our little meeting was general. What enjoyment has the world to equal communion with G.o.d?--Increased communion with G.o.d. I was at the prayer-meeting in the morning, and afterwards called upon several persons, to whom I endeavoured to speak faithfully; but who regards it? Lord, I leave my feeble efforts with Thee. I write, and why?

because the review of G.o.d's mercies proves a stimulus; and often, while committing to paper the Lord's dealings with me, His love flames brighter on my heart."

ALL SHALL BE WELL.

If Jesus be with me, when sorrows a.s.sail, And floods of affliction against me prevail; His countenance lifted, my pa.s.sions shall still, And all shall be well, while I suffer His will.

If crosses perplex me, and perils surround, Repose in my Saviour, my foes shall confound; No weapon shall prosper, or cause me to fear, But all shall be well, while His presence is here.

I repaired to Mrs. R.'s to meet the dear people; every part of my way seemed doubtful, but the Lord was graciously with me. We were eight a.s.sembled, and a blessed influence rested on us. Some were earnestly seeking pardon.--Had a deeply interesting interview with Mrs. B., who is depressed on account of worldly circ.u.mstances, and wants confidence in Him, who has commanded us to cast 'all our care upon Him.' I felt a spirit of sympathy, and the Lord poured upon us the spirit of prayer; our hearts melted, and our months were filled with arguments.--Prayer has been very sweet to me; I have increased power to rest upon the promises, and through Christ to claim them. Yet in myself, I discover such a depth of vileness, that, when I think of the amazing love of G.o.d to me, my soul is humbled and adores. Tears of grat.i.tude overflow my eyes, that G.o.d--the G.o.d of G.o.ds, should condescend to such a worm as I.--By a letter from my Richard to his father, I am encouraged to believe the Lord is again working upon his mind. It caused tears of joy to run down my cheeks, and on our knees we united together to thank the Lord. May the good be permanent.--At my own bedside the spirit of prayer was so abundantly given, that I could scarcely cease pleading for my children, _especially Richard_,--I welcome the return of the Sabbath. Nature, even at this advanced season of the year, exhibits an unusual degree of verdure; and invites me to adore the Ruler of times and seasons, who confers such rich and ceaseless blessings on rebellious man,--even upon me, the most undeserving; for by divine light I see that everything I do is defective; yet, by simply venturing upon Christ in prayer and faith, I receive peace and power. I have received a very pleasing communication from _Richard_, describing the anguish of mind through which he has pa.s.sed on account of sin; and informing me, that he has come to the cross and obtained deliverance through believing. He says, 'Whereas I was once blind, now I see.' On this account my soul rejoices. 'O for a heart to praise my G.o.d.' Our removal to York is now fixed to take place in three months (G.o.d willing). So uncertain is everything upon earth. Fix Thou the bounds of our habitation, and encamp round about our abode, and all shall be well.

XV.

THE RETURN.

"TO SEE THY POWER AND THY GLORY, SO AS I HAVE SEEN THEE IN THE SANCTUARY."--Psalm lxiii. 2.

Of all deprivations, none is so great, or as painfully felt by a truly devout soul, as the loss of religious ordinances. With what deep pathos does the Psalmist lament his long exile from the scene of solemn rites and holy sacrifice!

'How amiable are Thy tabernacles, O Lord of Hosts!

My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth For the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh crieth out For the living G.o.d.'

He envies the birds of the air, that free and unfettered, build their nests hard by the temple of his G.o.d, while he, a banished man, must seek a refuge in the wilderness.

'Yea the sparrow hath found an house, And the swallow a nest for herself, Where she may lay her young; Even thine altars, O Lord of Hosts, My King and my G.o.d.'

Mrs. Lyth loved the habitation of the Lord's house, and deprecated the prospect of separation from its privileges, which was rendered extremely probable by her increasing weakness. Eastfield House was about a mile from the village, and between three and four from York.

In case of decided failure of health, she would not only have been cut off from active usefulness in which she delighted, but entirely excluded from christian ordinances. With the view of a little relief, she had already relinquished one of her cla.s.ses in the city, and turned her attention more exclusively to the village; but now there was every likelihood that she must soon give up the other. These circ.u.mstances, with some others of less moment, determined the propriety of a removal back to York. Shortly before this took place, in one of her walks thither, for the purpose of meeting her cla.s.s, a circ.u.mstance transpired which is worth relating. She met on the road an odd old man, whose extraordinary appearance made him, at that time, well known in York and its vicinity. At one time above the average stature, he was now bent nearly double with age, and hobbled along with two sticks. A huge bunch of the old fas.h.i.+oned matches, attached by a string to his neck, hung down before him, and was sufficient sign of his occupation; while a long white beard, reaching well nigh to the ground, completed the singularity of his appearance. This latter appendage was, however, conveniently made to take off and on at pleasure. He was fabulously reported to be a hundred and twenty years old; and there was little doubt that he, and also his wife who sometimes accompanied him, were on the eve of celebrating their centenary, if they had not already done so. When Mrs. Lyth met him, she was strongly impelled to speak to him on the subject of religion; but being alone, and a little timid, she pa.s.sed on. When she had proceeded about a hundred yards, she felt so much pained with the omission of her duty, that she hastened back, and faithfully discharged her conscience. We need only add, that the old man and his wife began to attend the chapel, and ultimately became members of Mr.

Lyth's cla.s.s. The old man got rid of his beard and his sins together, and, about two or three years later, both died in the hope of eternal life.

"1834.--Able to go to the village. Called to see Mrs. B., who seems to have a desire to be saved, but has to contend with great affliction.

Another proof of the importance of seeking the Lord in health. Poor old Mrs. L. is much altered, and did not recollect me. So mutable and peris.h.i.+ng is man. On reviewing the day, I think I have been aiming to please G.o.d; but my performances are so poor, that I have need to humble myself before G.o.d.--I got to see Mrs. R., most probably for the last time. She is apparently near the close of life, and patiently waiting the will of G.o.d. From thence I went to visit M.H. in the county hospital, but as dinner came in, I left her to see Mrs. W., who is in a precarious state, and much enc.u.mbered with worldly care. Here the Lord gave me power of utterance, and the spirit of prayer.--After six days spent at Acomb, I returned home much out of love with myself.

My visit on the whole has been pleasant. With and without my friends, I have visited many of the inhabitants. In some cases I have derived profit; but in others, I have had to take up my cross: yet I have had but one aim--to do, and get good.--I went to meet the dear people, but I was so overwhelmed by a dull pain in my head--accompanied with drowsiness, that I thought, how shall I speak to them? but the Lord graciously removed the indisposition, and blest my soul.--The Rev.

Daniel Isaac departed this life, after a lingering illness. He preached his last sermon in Haxby, and paid his last visit to our house; but the place that knew him shall know him no more for ever. So will it soon be said of me.--Jesus hath broke the bars of death, and opened paradise. In visiting, I was much refreshed. Tears of contrition rolled down the face of Mrs. L. and Mrs. E. One was added to the little cla.s.s. All were present, and I felt loath to take leave of them; but so it must be. Thos. Y. will now take charge of them.

Thus ends my career in Haxby. And after the toil and trouble of removing, I am now comfortably seated at Grove Terrace. To Thee, the blessed Donor of all I enjoy, would I render thanks. I have written an address to my Haxby members.--The division of my little cla.s.s seems now to be working well. O Lord behold and come, visit this vine; let its young and tender branches twine round about Thee; yea, let the whole be baptized with the Holy Ghost!--The last moments of this beautiful month (May) will soon have past for ever; but the record will remain, when the angel shall stand, 'one foot on the sea and the other on the land, and swear that time shall be no longer.' Solemn thought! I feel the importance of it, and the necessity of being clothed upon, with the righteousness of Christ. Well, I have got into the stripping-room. O for a full abandonment of self, a full giving up! Praise G.o.d, my heart yields, and distrusting itself, lays hold of Jesus by faith. I feel solicitous for the spiritual and temporal welfare of my family, especially my two eldest sons. My resolve is to cast my care upon G.o.d. I feel power to leave them in His hands, and believe He will work on their behalf.--I opened my Bible, and my eye was caught by the words, 'Can G.o.d furnish a table in the wilderness?

Behold He smote the rock, that the waters gushed out, and the streams overflowed. Can He give bread? Can He provide flesh for His people?'

It appeared a broad answer to a conversation we had the night preceding. I was encouraged to lay hold on it.--Only indisposed, but made myself worse by going to the leaders' meeting, as it came on rain. In this, O Lord, forgive my rashness, for such it was, another having kindly offered to go for me.--Quite laid aside with sickness and pain, yet saved from murmuring, and just patience enough. The Lord is wise, and long-suffering in all His dealings with me. I have to-day reached my fifty-second year, and though in the school of affliction, am patiently watched over by the kindest of instructors. Oh! the unbounded love of my unwearied, though oft offended G.o.d!

"Sinnington. It is a week since my husband brought me from Scarbro'

to this place, where my health is improving, and my opportunities of retirement are less interrupted. My mind has been more stayed and recollected, and I enjoy greater peace. I am learning to come direct to Jesus, who is ready to hear the cry of those, who need His help.

Being secluded from the world, I want to secure some advantage, that will appear in after time. I am reading Mr. Watson's Life, some parts of which I find profitable.--In consequence of pain in my head, it has been thought advisable to call in a physician; but I would not trust in man, nor make flesh my arm; nevertheless it is right to use the means, and G.o.d can give His blessing. Since my return from the country, many cares and exercises have been my portion; but, knowing they are the appointments of my heavenly Father, it is in my heart to pray, 'Thy will be done.'--My two friends, B. and R., who enjoy great nearness to G.o.d, came to join with me in interceding for my dear family, three of whom are about to leave home, and go into the world.

They were in a blessed frame of mind.--My Mary gave her hand to Mr.

Jackson. The night previous, pressed with the solicitude of a mother, my sleep departed from me. I was deeply prayerful; my spiritual feeling increased, and I was truly blessed, while I frequently repeated with my heart the following lines:--

Jesus, Saviour, condescend At this marriage to attend; For Thyself each heart prepare, Grant that all Thy love may share.

Come, thou great expected guest, Come, and enter every breast; Lest the subtle foe steal in, Screen us with Thy guardian wing.

(Early in the morning her daughter entered the room, and begged her to pray for her. She readily consented, and embracing her, said, 'I have been praying for you from retiring until daybreak.') The morning was propitious; and while Mr. C. read the twelfth of Romans and prayed, the presence of the Lord was among us.--William started for Sheffield to seek a new situation, I trust under the care of G.o.d, having the night before commended him, by united prayer, to the kind Providence of our heavenly Father. For many days I have enjoyed the soul's calm suns.h.i.+ne; yet, I feel it is of mercy, not of works. Jesus' blood is all my plea. Praise G.o.d, who, through the vicissitudes of this eventful month, gives me tranquillity of mind. Now, I am antic.i.p.ating the return of Richard to London, to secure his diploma; so that three out of four leave the paternal roof this month. With respect to Richard, my mind is impressed with far more cheering hopes, than when he went last year. Then, fallen from his steadfastness, he was wandering upon the dark mountains; but now, returned to the Lord, he is sensible of his obligations, and wishes to make some return. Lord make me grateful for this proof of Thy love, and make my Richard a burning and s.h.i.+ning luminary, wise to win souls.--Went to the Haxby Missionary Meeting; but to me all was disappointment. Some who professed much friends.h.i.+p when I left them, looked very cool; some I wished to see, I saw not; the chapel not full; no missionary-boxes, although I know of four in the place; the collection not half the amount of last year; the speeches did not profit me; perhaps I did not keep the path of duty, for I left my cla.s.s to be met by another, and neglected seeing one who expected me. I was grieved with myself; and, with a burdened mind, bowed my knees and poured out my complaints before G.o.d, who listened to my cry and sent me help, melting me down before Him, and making me willing to be more obedient in future.--Visited Mrs. C. again; she said, 'I feel happy. Last Thursday, after you were here, I pleaded with G.o.d, until the words were applied--

'Believe, and all your sins forgiven, Only believe, and your's is heaven.'

I thought surely this is for me, and felt I could believe it was;'

and then came the words, 'when thou pa.s.sest through the valley of the shadow of death, I will be with thee;' and I believe it.' My heart rejoiced with her.--Being indisposed, I commenced a letter to my friends in Acomb, when, just as I completed one side, Mrs. R. and little Charles came in, and glad I was to see them. She told me, that a friend of her youth who moves in high life, having been awakened to a sense of her sinful condition, had sent to her repeatedly for advice. Feeling interested for her, she requested me to unite with her in pleading at the throne of grace; to which I acceded, knowing that it is not a vain thing to call upon G.o.d. The appointed times are every Tuesday, at half-past nine in the morning, and half-past nine in the evening. This is recorded to aid my memory. Aid us by Thy Spirit, or our efforts will be vain.--The engagement, though not at the exact time, was remembered, and I entered a little into the business. Miss C. came to request me to meet a lady at their house, who is convinced of her lost condition. With some diffidence, from a sense of my own unfitness, I accompanied her, and conversed with the lady on the dawn and progress of a work of grace in the heart; lent her 'Fletcher's Address,' and after Mrs. C. and I had prayed, we parted. But knowing the good that is done on the earth, the Lord doeth it, I have made it matter of earnest prayer, for she is much laid upon my mind. This, I believe, is pleasing to G.o.d, and the rather, as this morning on opening the word of G.o.d, I saw how Ezekiel was humbled before the Lord for the people of Israel and Judah.--Being in health, I went forth, praying for direction and the blessing of G.o.d. Some kind friends gave me twenty-two s.h.i.+llings to help a poor member. This I took; she received it thankfully. Visited Mrs. C., she is able to rest in G.o.d.

Called on Mr. S., and left 'Fletcher's Address;' also upon Mrs. D., and left a copy of the same. O that the Spirit may do his office!

Why do I speak thus? He waits to enter: may they be willing to yield.--Went to Pocklington to see Mrs. P. There I met with E.

Brookes, Esq. His private walk bespeaks him a devoted man. I esteemed it a privilege to lodge under the same roof. My journey has been blest to both body and soul; having acknowledged G.o.d, my way was made plain, and His presence has comforted me. I returned home in Mr. B.'s gig.

I had not arrived many minutes, before Miss H. came to converse on spiritual things; I thought it providential that I came at the time: but who is sufficient for these things? O bless the dear young disciple! Mrs. D. has received good, indeed her countenance indicated the change. She told me she purposed commencing family-prayer in the evening: one mark of genuine conversion.--I had a very profitable interview with a lady, who came to converse on divine things. How many opportunities have I missed, which might have thus been employed to advantage. 'My mouth as in the dust I hide.'

"1835. Able to meet my cla.s.s: seventeen present. A fresh member turned in, and appeared sensible of her lost condition. My soul felt that painful struggling with the powers of darkness, which I have often experienced when knelt by the side of a seeking sinner. As the people withdrew, a little girl was waiting for me to go and see her mother, who is much worse. I found her supported in bed by a neighbour, the perspiration streaming down her face. She held out her hand to me, and told me Christ was precious. By-and-bye a whisper was heard,

'I'll praise my Maker while I've breath.'

Her voice failed. While I prayed, angels seemed hovering around. I said, you do not feel any doubt; she replied, 'No; I rest upon the promise.' She died the next day.--My mind was deeply impressed with the thought of eternity, occasioned by the sound of the pa.s.sing bell.

How leaden falls the deep-toned sound!

The heart is with its weight oppress'd; A soul has cross'd life's narrow bound, A soul--for ever lost or blest.

For ever! what a word is this!

Ye careless mortals, be it known; In everlasting woe or bliss, This word, for ever! is your own.

Momentous thought! I feel it now; This long eternity is mine: My soul shall this duration know,-- A quenchless spark of life divine!

When I retired, I besought the Lord to awake me, and give me health to go to the six o'clock prayer-meeting. In this, He condescended to answer me; but my body inclined to rest. For a moment, I listened; but my prayer and promise occurred to me, and durst I thus offend the Lord? I rose, conferring no longer with flesh and blood, and was abundantly repaid. The peace of G.o.d overflowed me as a river, and while I write the effect remains. My soul was much drawn out on behalf of some of my unconverted relatives. A little after we had risen from our knees, one of them came in, and I seized the opportunity of pressing upon him the necessity of a change of heart.--The spirit of prayer was given to me in an unusual degree, especially on behalf of my dear son, who believes himself called to the work of the ministry, and has this day engaged to supply the place of one who has gone to his reward. How important! May the Lord go with him.--For some time I have thought of inviting Miss M.B. to cla.s.s; but, not knowing whether she had any concern for salvation, I demurred. Still the impression followed me, and to-day I told her of it. The tears started in her eyes, and she confessed with great frankness, that she was convinced she must have the peace of G.o.d to be happy; but she had never mentioned the subject to any but her mother. Surely this impression was from the Lord, and in answer to prayer: for some time since, her mother and I agreed to plead for our children every Wednesday afternoon. My affections, divided to every member of my family, meet in one point at the throne of grace; where many a time my expectations are raised, and my soul blessed. To-day my husband takes a cla.s.s; may it be made an abundant blessing to his own soul.--The quarter-day: much excitement, lest a rent should be made among us; my dear christian friends, A. and B., came to my house to lay the matter before the Lord, while the meeting was being held. There, indeed, we did pour out our cause; buffeted, but much encouraged by the promise, especially as it was given to two of us, 'I, the Lord, do keep it; lest any hurt it, I will keep it night and day.' We believed the Lord would interpose, and so it was. We were told the case was wonderfully overruled. O the condescension of our merciful High Priest!--Mrs. A.

brought me a sick visiting-book, which I did not refuse: for although I feel my disqualification, yet am willing to do what I can, only let me have heavenly aid. At twelve at noon, six of us opened a weekly meeting for intercession: to me it was a blessed season. I have at times great enlargement, but abasing views of my own depravity, with expanded perceptions of the love and power of G.o.d--great in wisdom, great in love, great in holiness, and yet He deigns to visit me.

'Faith, lends its realising light, the clouds disperse,' and let a ray of the Infinite into my soul. Thus, in the midst of many things that are painful, I am comforted.--Have been out to tea against my inclination, and yet it was among my friends. Endeavoured to give a religious tone to the conversation, but some, who ought to have come forward, were silent; and to others without the least intention I fear I have given offence. From this cause my mind is troubled; but on reflection, think, I ought not to yield to such a feeling, being conscious that my aim was to do right. To Thee, Oh Saviour, will I look to overrule 'my every weak, though good, design.' While I write my soul is happy. Glory be to G.o.d.--I am now enter the last hour of 1835, much abased on the review of my own unfaithfulness, yes earnestly desiring to commence anew, if permitted a little longer to sojourn on earth.

Oh! take possession of my heart, And let it hence Thy temple be; Willing, Thou seest me, now to part With all, that is unlike to Thee; O let the Spirit's seal be given The earnest of my future heaven!

To Thee, O Lord, I would present My life, and health, and talent, now; Let nothing mar the pure intent And purpose of my solemn vow; But now the covenant blood apply, My feeble act to ratify.

Come, sway the sceptre in my soul, Its secret springs adjust and move; Model each word, each thought control, And fill me with the light of love; So shall I do Thy perfect will, As angels, who Thy word fulfil.