Three Hours after Marriage Part 12

[_Exeunt omnes, except Fossile and Hugh. As they are changing habits, Fossile says,_

As a mark of my confidence in thee, I leave thee guardian of my house while I go my rounds. Let none in but patients; wan sickly fellows, no person in the least degree of bodily strength.

_Hugh._ Worthy doctor, you may rely upon my honour.

_Exit Fos._

I have betray'd my mistress. My conscience flies in my face, and I can ease it noway but by betraying my master.

_Knocking at the door._

This is not the doctor; but he is dress'd like him, and that shall be my excuse.

[_He lets Plotwell in, Townley meets him, they embrace._

_Town._ Hugh, go, wait at the door.

[_Exit Hugh._

_Plotw._ This disguise gives spirit to my intrigue. Certainly I am the first person that ever enjoy'd a bride without the scandal of matrimony.

_Town._ I have a different relish, Mr. Plotwell, for now I can't abide you, you are so like my husband.

_Plotw._ Underplot, I defy thee. I have laid the wager, and now I hold the stakes.

_Town._ Opportunity Mr. Potwell, has been the downfall of much virtue.

[_As he is leading her off, enter Hugh._

_Hugh._ Ah, madam! the doctor! the doctor!

_Exit Hugh._

_Plot._ Fear nothing. I'll stand it. I have my part ready.

[_Exit Townley._

Enter FOSSILE.

_Foss._ I promised lady _Langfort_ my eagle-stone. The poor lady is like to miscarry, and 'tis well I thought on't. Ha! who is here! I do not like the aspect of the fellow. But I will not be over censorious.

[_They make many bows and cringes in advancing to each other._

_Plot._ _Ill.u.s.trissime domine, huc adveni_--

_Foss._ _Ill.u.s.trissime domine----non usus, sum loquere Latinum_----If you cannot speak English, we can have no lingual conversation.

_Plot._ I can speak but a little Englise. Me ave great deal heard of de fame of de great luminary of all arts and sciences, de ill.u.s.trious doctor Fossile. I would make commutation (what do you call it) I would exchange some of my tings for some of his tings.

_Foss._ Pray, Sir, what university are you of?

_Plot._ De famous university of Cracow in Polonia minor. I have cured de king of Sweden of de wound. My name be doctor Cornelius Lubomirski.

_Foss._ Your Lubomirskis are a great family. But what Arcana are you master of, Sir?

_Plot._ [_Shows a large snuff-box._] See dere, Sir, dat box de snuff.

_Foss._ Snuff-box.

_Plot._ Right. Snuff-box. Dat be de very true gold.

_Foss._ What of that?

_Plot._ Vat of dat? me make dat gold my own self, of de lead of de great church of Crawcow.

_Foss._ By what operations?

_Plot._ By calcination; reverberation; purification; sublimation; amalgamation; precipitation; volitilization.

_Foss._ Have a care what you a.s.sert. The volitilization of gold is not an obvious process. It is by great elegance of speech called, _fort.i.tudo fort.i.tudinis fortissima_.

_Plot._ I need not acquaint de ill.u.s.trious doctor Fossile, dat all de metals be but unripe gold.

_Foss._ Spoken like a philosopher, And therefore there should be an act of parliament against digging of lead mines, as against felling young timber. But inform me, Sir, what might be your menstruum, snow-water, or May-dew?

_Plot._ Snow-vater.

_Foss._ Right. Snow is the universal pickle of nature for the preservation of her productions in the hyemal season.

_Plot._ If you will go your self, and not trust de servant, to fetch some of de right Thames sand dat be below de bridge, I will show you de naked Diana in your study before I go hence.

_Foss._ Perhaps you might. I am not at present dispos'd for experiments.

_Plot._ This bite wont take to send him out of the way, I'll change my subject. [_Aside._] Do you deal in longitudes, Sir?

_Foss._ I deal not in impossibilities. I search only for the grand elixir.

_Plot._ Vat do you tink of de new metode of fluxion?

_Foss._ I know no other but my mercury.

_Plot._ Ha, ha. Me mean de fluxion of de quant.i.ty.

_Foss._ The greatest quant.i.ty I ever knew, was three quarts a day.

_Plot._ Be dere any secret in the hydrology, zoology, minerology, hydraulicks, acausticks, pneumaticks, logarithmatechny, dat you do want de explanation of?

_Foss._ This is all out of my way. Do you know of any hermaphrodites, monstrous twins, antediluvivian sh.e.l.ls, bones, and vegetables?