The Etiquette of To-day Part 7

Never sign a t.i.tle. The name only is your signature. It may be necessary to write the t.i.tle in brackets and at the left, as "(Miss)"

or "(Mrs.)," but it should never be part of the signature. Such notes as demand the use of the t.i.tle are put in the third person.

The date should be at the end of a social note, in the lower left-hand corner, and should be written out, with the name of the year omitted and no figures used. The grammatical form is "The ninth of December,"

never "December the ninth," nor "December ninth."

In business letters the salutation for a firm name is "Dear Sir," or "Gentlemen." Where two married women go into business together, there seems to be in English no combined t.i.tle to take the place of the French, so that is generally used, and that is "Mesdames," abbreviated "Mmes." before their names.

The formal conclusions of letters are: "Respectfully yours," used to a superior; "Sincerely yours," or "Truly yours," used largely in business, or the same forms with the adverb "Very" preceding them.

Less formal terms are: "Cordially yours," "Fraternally yours," or the p.r.o.noun with any appropriate adverb which the originality of the writer may suggest. Less abrupt, but not less formal, endings are: "With best regards, I am," etc.; "With kindest regards, I remain,"

etc.; "Believe me Very sincerely yours."

For intimate letters either to relatives or friends no specified suggestions are needed. The ordinary form, "Your affectionate daughter," or "niece," etc., may, however, be employed, in dearth of special inspiration.

Distinction is sometimes made between business and social letters by the position of "Yours,"--it being placed before the adverb in social correspondence, and after in business. The tone of the letter may be left to guide in this matter. There is an abruptness always somewhat unpleasant in the use of the adverb alone.

Make the beginning and ending of a letter the same in degree of cordiality. Do not begin formally "My dear Madam," and end "Cordially yours."

Every letter should be signed with the full name of the writer. A possible exception might be made of those addressed to members of one's own family, where the use of the Christian name only would mean no ambiguity, or where the signing of the surname gives a touch of formality. It is well, however, to remember that letters placed in the post take the chances of fortune, and, with the plainest of addresses, may, by the absence of the person or for some other cause, bring up in the Dead-Letter Office. Their resurrection there will depend upon their containing the full name of the sender as well as his address. If a letter is valuable enough to send, it is valuable enough to sign, even if the signature be double,--first the familiar or given name, and then, in the lower left-hand corner, the full name.

It is well to use always the name which is your legal signature. This will prevent confusion, and forestall the possibility of your putting, from force of habit, the wrong form of your name upon a legal doc.u.ment.

It is well to write one's name in full. Three complete names are none too many for individual distinction in so crowded a world as is ours.

If, however, the middle one is represented by an initial only, always write it uniformly. It is better, if the form with initial only has not become really established, to use the full name, although it may be long.

The form of one's signature and the style of the handwriting soon become habitual. Therefore, every effort should be made to make and keep it legible. An illegible signature is unpardonable,--save perhaps on a page at the top of which a printed or engraved letterhead gives the name in full. There is, however, the danger that the writer of the illegible signature will sometime sign his name on a legal doc.u.ment, or a sheet not bearing his letterhead, and the signature stand for nothing.

_Letters of Introduction_

A letter of introduction should never be requested. If it is offered it is a sign of great regard. If it is greatly desired, it might be well to acquaint the person, in whose power it is to offer it, with the circ.u.mstances and interests which make it desirable, but never to do more than this.

The advisability of giving letters of introduction depends upon the circ.u.mstances. Between business acquaintances and for business purposes, it is a common form of establis.h.i.+ng connection among various interests, and, if done with discrimination, is to be approved. It should, however, even in business be done sparingly, as it is a matter of personal friends.h.i.+p, usually, and as no one has a right to make numerous or exacting demands upon one's friends.

Socially it is a matter of great delicacy, and should have even more restrictions put upon it than does the introduction in company. For the written introduction is used because distance prevents the personal one, and that usually throws the recipient of such a letter into the position of host to the traveler or newcomer, or at least of benefactor to some degree. It places upon him an obligation not involved in the verbal introduction, and the presumption is that he is to do some favor, or show some special attention.

Letters of introduction may be explanatory or brief. Brevity is preferable, but circ.u.mstances must determine.

A visiting card is often used with the words "Introducing Mr. Allan Golding to Mr. Morris," or similar form, written across the top. The card should be enclosed in a small envelope and left unsealed.

A brief form of letter simply says: "Permit me to introduce to your favorable notice Mr. Silas Emerson."

A more explicit form would be a letter the body of which would resemble the following:

"The bearer, Mr. Mark W. Allen, who is an old friend and neighbor of mine, represents the Altmann Irrigation Company, and is desirous of obtaining information in regard to the system of waterways lately put into your county. Knowing your influential position in regard to all matters of public interest, I have sent him to you in the hope that you may be able to put him in touch with the people who will give him the desired information. Any favor that you may do Mr. Allen, or any courtesy that you may extend to him, will be deeply appreciated by me."

A purely social letter of introduction would say in substance: "Mrs.

Arthur L. Westmore, who presents this letter to you, is an intimate and cherished friend of mine, and one whom I know you would desire to meet. She is to spend some little time in your city, and any courtesy that you may do her I shall deeply appreciate. I have told her of our friends.h.i.+p, and she knows how highly I value you, and is eager to meet you."

When a letter of introduction is given, it is well to write the receiver concerning the friend who will present it, that he may not be taken unawares, nor continue long ignorant of the claims of that friend upon him.

A gentleman usually presents such a letter by calling in person and sending in the letter, together with one of his personal cards, by the servant who answers the bell, or by the office boy. A lady usually mails the letter and one of her cards giving her address. She should receive an acknowledgment with a call or offer of hospitality within a day or two.

A person who makes use of a letter of introduction should acknowledge to the giver the courtesy he has received, with due grat.i.tude.

_Letters of Recommendation_

Letters of recommendation should be sparingly given. It is becoming less and less important, in the minds of experienced employers, to demand references. The personality of the applicant counts, and the varying traits which different positions cultivate make the experiences of the past of but little guidance, save in a broad and general way.

The giving of recommendations at random, "To whom it may concern," is also less done than formerly, as there is such uncertainty in regard to their use. Instead of this, the servant is told that she may use the former mistress's name as reference. The new, would-be employer then writes a note of inquiry to the former employer.

In replying to such a note great conscientiousness should be shown.

Full justice should be done the servant. Only the truth should be told, and as much of it as a generous heart and wise conscience, coupled with a sense of responsibility toward the inquirer, permit.

These letters should be brief and not effusive on any point, nor evasive of the issue at stake.

Never write to another, asking for information, or a favor of any kind, without enclosing a stamped and addressed envelope for reply.

_Third-person Letters_

Letters are written in the third person in answer to formal invitations so worded, and in correspondence between people but slightly acquainted or known to each other only by reputation, persons not social equals, and by tradespeople and their patrons.

Great care should be taken to preserve the impersonal diction throughout the letter, and to refrain from signing it. The tone should always be formal and very polite.

An order may take the form of a request, as "Will Mr. Sutherland please . . . and oblige," with the signature of the writer.

_Informal Invitations and Announcements_

In inviting a friend to visit you, it is customary to mention the length of the visit, setting a definite date for it and limit to it.

This makes it possible for both hostess and guest to arrange other engagements.

A time-table of the trains, if the guest comes from the distance, with an account of the trolley lines, if from near at hand, should be enclosed.

The engagement of a daughter may be announced by informal notes to one's whole circle of friends and acquaintances. The following form of note may serve as a suggestion: "I am sure that you will join our household in sympathy with Eleanor in her happiness when I tell you that she has just announced her engagement to Mr. Harold Farnham, a man of whom her father and I thoroughly approve. The wedding will not take place for some months, but felicitations are in order."

_Letters of Condolence_

A letter of condolence should be short and quite sincere, or else the courteous custom of sending it is more honored in the breach than in the observance.

Such letters should be sent very promptly.

To expatiate to any extent whatever upon the bereavement is heartless or thoughtless, and as there is no danger of ambiguity, the letter does not need to account for itself in any way.

The following letter is as explicit as any letter of condolence need ever be, and the second form is preferable, unless great intimacy makes the less abrupt one permissible.

"DEAR MR. LEGROW: