Gammer Gurton's Needle Part 6

_Diccon._ Gog's bread, woman, hold your peace! this gear will else pa.s.s sport!

I would not for an hundred pound this matter should be known, That I am author of this tale, or have abroad it blown.

Did ye not swear ye would be ruled, before the tale I told?

I said ye must all secret keep, and ye said sure ye would.

_Chat._ Would you suffer, yourself, Diccon, such a sort to revile you, With slanderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?

_Diccon._ No, Goodwife Chat, I would be loth such drabs should blot my name; But yet ye must so order all that Diccon bear no blame.

_Chat._ Go to, then, what is your reed? say on your mind, ye shall me rule herein.

_Diccon._ G.o.damercy to dame Chat! In faith thou must the gear begin.

It is twenty pound to a goose-t.u.r.d, my gammer will not tarry, But hitherward she comes as fast as her legs can her carry, To brawl with you about her c.o.c.k; for well I heard Tib say The c.o.c.k was roasted in your house to breakfast yesterday; And when ye had the carcase eaten, the feathers ye outflung, And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foot-deep in the dung.

_Chat._ O gracious G.o.d! my heart it bursts!

_Diccon._ Well, rule yourself a s.p.a.ce; And Gammer Gurton when she cometh anon into this place, Then to the quean, let's see, tell her your mind, and spare not.

So shall Diccon blameless be; and then, go to, I care not!

_Chat._ Then, wh.o.r.e, beware her throat! I can abide no longer.

In faith, old witch, it shall be seen which of us two be stronger!

And, Diccon, but at your request, I would not stay one hour.

_Diccon._ Well, keep it till she be here, and then out let it pour!

In the meanwhile get you in, and make no words of this.

More of this matter within this hour to hear you shall not miss, Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I could not, doubtless.

Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your own business!

So fare ye well.

_Chat._ Nay, soft, Diccon, and drink! What, Doll, I say!

Bring here a cup of the best ale; let's see, come quickly away!

THE SECOND ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.

HODGE, DICCON.

_Diccon._ Ye see, masters, that one end tapp'd of this my short device!

Now must we broach th'other too, before the smoke arise; And by the time they have a while run, I trust ye need not crave it.

But look, what lieth in both their hearts, ye are like, sure, to have it.

_Hodge._ Yea, Gog's soul, art alive yet? What, Diccon, dare ich come?

_Diccon._ A man is well hied to trust to thee; I will say nothing but mum; But and ye come any nearer, I pray you see all be sweet!

_Hodge._ Tush, man, is Gammer's nee'le found? that chould gladly weet.

_Diccon._ She may thank thee it is not found, for if you had kept thy standing, The devil he would have fet it out, ev'n, Hodge, at thy commanding.

_Hodge._ Gog's heart! and could he tell nothing where the nee'le might be found?

_Diccon._ Ye foolish dolt, ye were to seek, ere we had got our ground; Therefore his tale so doubtful was that I could not perceive it.

_Hodge._ Then ich see well something was said, chope one day yet to have it.

But Diccon, Diccon, did not the devil cry "ho, ho, ho"?

_Diccon._ If thou hadst tarried where thou stood'st, thou wouldst have said so!

_Hodge._ Durst swear of a book, cheard him roar, straight after ich was gone.

But tell me, Diccon, what said the knave? let me hear it anon.

_Diccon._ The wh.o.r.eson talked to me, I know not well of what.

One while his tongue it ran and paltered of a cat, Another while he stammered still upon a rat; Last of all, there was nothing but every word, Chat, Chat; But this I well perceived before I would him rid, Between Chat, and the rat, and the cat, the needle is hid.

Now whether Gib, our cat, hath eat it in her maw, Or Doctor Rat, our curate, have found it in the straw, Or this dame Chat, your neighbour, hath stolen it, G.o.d he knoweth!

But by the morrow at this time, we shall learn how the matter goeth.

_Hodge._ Canst not learn to-night, man? seest not what is here?

[_Pointing behind to his torn breeches._

_Diccon._ 'Tis not possible to make it sooner appear.

_Hodge._ Alas, Diccon, then chave no s.h.i.+ft; but--lest ich tarry too long-- Hie me to Sim Glover's shop, there to seek for a thong, Therewith this breech to thatch and tie as ich may.

_Diccon._ To-morrow, Hodge, if we chance to meet, shall see what I will say.

THE SECOND ACT. THE FOURTH SCENE.

DICCON, GAMMER.

_Diccon._ Now this gear must forward go, for here my Gammer cometh.

Be still a while, and say nothing; make here a little romth.

_Gammer._ Good lord! shall never be my luck my nee'le again to spy?

Alas, the while! 'tis past my help, where 'tis still it must lie!

_Diccon._ Now, Jesus! Gammer Gurton, what driveth you to this sadness?

I fear me, by my conscience, you will sure fall to madness.

_Gammer._ Who is that? What, Diccon? cham lost, man! fie, fie!

_Diccon._ Marry, fie on them that be worthy! but what should be your trouble?

_Gammer._ Alas! the more ich think on it, my sorrow it waxeth double.

My goodly tossing spurrier's nee'le chave lost ich wot not where.

_Diccon._ Your nee'le? when?