The Eleven Comedies Vol 1 Part 50

CINESIAS. Ah! how the dear girl loves me!

MYRRHINe (coming back with a bed). Come, get to bed quick; I am going to undress. But, plague take it, we must get a mattress.

CINESIAS. A mattress! Oh! no, never mind!

MYRRHINe. No, by Artemis! lie on the bare sacking, never! That were too squalid.

CINESIAS. A kiss!

MYRRHINe. Wait a minute!

CINESIAS. Oh! by the great G.o.ds, be quick back!

MYRRHINe (coming back with a mattress). Here is a mattress. Lie down, I am just going to undress. But, but you've got no pillow.

CINESIAS. I don't want one, no, no.

MYRRHINe. But I do.

CINESIAS. Oh! dear, oh, dear! they treat my poor p.e.n.i.s for all the world like Heracles.[449]

MYRRHINe (coming back with a pillow). There, lift your head, dear!

CINESIAS. That's really everything.

MYRRHINe. Is it everything, I wonder.

CINESIAS. Come, my treasure.

MYRRHINe. I am just unfastening my girdle. But remember what you promised me about making Peace; mind you keep your word.

CINESIAS. Yes, yes, upon my life I will.

MYRRHINe. Why, you have no blanket.

CINESIAS. Great Zeus! what matter of that? 'tis you I want to f.u.c.k.

MYRRHINe Never fear-directly, directly! I'll be back in no time.

CINESIAS. The woman will kill me with her blankets!

MYRRHINe (coming back with a blanket). Now, get up for one moment.

CINESIAS. But I tell you, our friend here is up-all stiff and ready!

MYRRHINe. Would you like me to scent you?

CINESIAS. No, by Apollo, no, please!

MYRRHINe. Yes, by Aphrodite, but I will, whether you wish it or no.

CINESIAS. Ah! great Zeus, may she soon be done!

MYRRHINe (coming back with a flask of perfume). Hold out your hand; now rub it in.

CINESIAS. Oh! in Apollo's name, I don't much like the smell of it; but perhaps 'twill improve when it's well rubbed in. It does not somehow smack of the marriage bed!

MYRRHINe. There, what a scatterbrain I am; if I have not brought Rhodian perfumes![450]

CINESIAS. Never mind, dearest, let be now.

MYRRHINe. You are joking!

CINESIAS. Deuce take the man who first invented perfumes, say I!

MYRRHINe (coming back with another flask). Here, take this bottle.

CINESIAS. I have a better all ready for your service, darling. Come, you provoking creature, to bed with you, and don't bring another thing.

MYRRHINe. Coming, coming; I'm just slipping off my shoes. Dear boy, will you vote for peace?

CINESIAS. I'll think about it. (Myrrhine runs away.) I'm a dead man, she is killing me! She has gone, and left me in torment! I must have someone to f.u.c.k, I must! Ah me! the loveliest of women has choused and cheated me. Poor little lad (addressing his p.e.n.i.s), how am I to give you what you want so badly? Where is Cynalopex? quick, man, get him a nurse, do![451]

CHORUS OF OLD MEN. Poor, miserable wretch, baulked in your amorousness! what tortures are yours! Ah! you fill me with pity. Could any man's back and loins stand such a strain? His organ stands stiff and rigid, and there's never a wench to help him!

CINESIAS. Ye G.o.ds in heaven, what pains I suffer!

CHORUS OF OLD MEN. Well, there it is; 'tis her doing, that abandoned hussy!

CINESIAS. Nay, nay! rather say that sweetest, dearest darling.

CHORUS OF OLD MEN. That dearest darling? no, no, that hussy, say I! Zeus, thou G.o.d of the skies, canst not let loose a hurricane, to sweep them all up into the air, and whirl 'em round, then drop 'em down cras.h.!.+ and impale them on the point of his weapon!

A HERALD. Say, where shall I find the Senate and the Prytanes? I am bearer of despatches.

MAGISTRATE. But are you a man or a Priapus, pray?[452]

HERALD. Oh! but he's mighty simple. I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I come from Sparta about making peace.

MAGISTRATE. But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.

HERALD. No, nothing of the sort.

MAGISTRATE. Then why do you turn away like that, and hold your cloak out from your body? Have you gotten swellings in the groin with your journey?

HERALD. By the twin brethren! the man's an old maniac.

MAGISTRATE. Ah, ha! my fine lad, why I can see it standing, oh fie!