A Man of Samples. Something about the men he met "On the Road" Part 24

"Really, I can't," he answered.

"Are there no rules?"

"Yes, but people in a sleeping-car must expect to be disturbed."

"Oh, they must. Very well--see me later."

Four others came in with just as much racket, and they kept their chattering going until eleven o'clock. At half-past eleven the lights were turned down and everybody was ready for sleep. I had been patiently waiting for this. Lying on my back, arms locked over my head and my palate down, I brought a snore which went thundering over that car in a way to open every eye. After two more a man called out.

 

"Thunder and blazes, but we've got a whale aboard!"

After three more they began to yell at me from every berth. I put in two extra ones, and the porter came down and shook my arm and said:

"Heah--you--stop dat!"

"Colored man!" I said, as I looked up at him, "if you come here and do that again I may fire upon you!"

As soon as he had gone I went back to business. When a man sets out to snore for revenge you'd be surprised to know what a success he can make of it. In five minutes they were calling for the conductor. He came down and parted the curtains and said:

"Hey--you--wake up! You are disturbing the car.

"Conductor, haven't I paid for this berth?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Is there any rule which prohibits snoring?"

"No, but--"

"Then you keep away from me! I have a revolver, and I might take you for a robber!"

Then I returned to the main question. I snored in every key of the scale. I snored for blood. I had every person in the car swearing mad and ready to fight, and they sent for the pa.s.senger conductor. He refused to interfere. Several chaps volunteered to "pull me out o'

that," but when they came close enough to see the muzzle of a revolver they fell back. At two o'clock in the morning they held a convention, and as the result one of them asked:

"Stranger, can we buy you off?"

"No, sir."

"Is there any way on earth to stop that bazoo of yours?"

"The four of you who came in last were grossly selfish. You had no care for the rights of others. The four who were here before I came were disturbed but hadn't the grit to kick. Now, then, promise me on your solemn words that if you ever enter a sleeping-car again you will respect; the situation, and I will let you off."

Every soul in that car made the promise, and half an hour later we were all asleep.