The Milkmaid of Montfermeil Part 14

"Mon Dieu! monsieur, if you absolutely must lay siege to something,"

said Madame Destival, "let it be a tree in the garden, and not my bedroom."

Bertrand grasped at this idea, and Athalie suggested to them that they should attack the tree in which Monsieur Monin's cap had lodged. They went toward the swing and found the ex-druggist there, with his short, fat arms around the tree, trying to climb it, but unable to raise himself more than three inches from the ground.

At sight of the ladder, Monin uttered a cry of delight, and outdid himself in thanks when Monsieur Destival ascended it at the double-quick, having no suspicion that the manoeuvre had any other purpose than the recovery of his cap. But alas! Monsieur Destival thought it best to capture the trophy with his bayonet, and the point of his weapon pierced the top, which was of thin straw. Bertrand shouted "Bravo!" Monin made a wry face, the ladies laughed, and Auguste arrived in time to witness the tableau.

Auguste bestowed a sweet smile on Madame de la Thoma.s.siniere and a rather cold bow on Madame Destival. I do not know whether you can guess the cause, but the ladies had no difficulty.

"Are you just from the village, monsieur?" said the pet.i.te-maitresse, showing her pretty teeth.

"Yes, madame, I have had a most instructive walk; I have acquired some new knowledge, and I hope to make good use of it."

"Dinner is on the table," said a thin, yellow little man, with a napkin on his arm. It was Baptiste, the one male servant, who acted as scrubber, cook, footman, errand-boy and butler all at once, pending the time when Monsieur Destival should establish his household on a more extensive scale. So that poor Baptiste was worked to death, and told Julie every day that he did not propose to remain in a place where they made him do the work of a horse.

"Say that dinner is served, Baptiste. That fellow will never be trained!--Come, mesdames, to the table! Ouf! I have well earned it. I have drilled terribly hard to-day.--Here, Monin, here's your cap. Did you see how I picked it up?"

"You made a hole in it," said Monin, gazing at the crown with a piteous expression.

"Bah! in the heat of the action; charge, bayonets! one, two! eh, Bertrand?--But the ladies have gone already. Let's go now and attack the dinner; I expect to make a tremendous breach in it. Go to Julie, Bertrand; she'll look after you."

Bertrand betook himself to the servants' quarters, and Monin, after trying to bring the straws nearer together and conceal the hole in his cap, followed his host to the dining-room.

They were all seated at the table, when Monsieur Destival cried:

"Well! how about Monsieur de la Thoma.s.siniere? He's missing again."

"That's so, I had forgotten all about my husband," said Athalie, smiling at her right-hand neighbor; and that neighbor was Auguste, who was seated between the two ladies. "Oh! you mustn't wait for him."

"It's very annoying! Where can he have gone? Do you suppose he has lost his way in the Forest of Bondy?"

"It's a very dangerous place," said Monin, fastening his napkin to his b.u.t.tonhole; "they say there's a band of robbers there just now, who----"

"Suppose I tell your three servants to beat up the neighborhood? What do you think, madame?"

"Oh! no, monsieur; don't worry about my husband, I beg. I a.s.sure you that he will turn up. I am not in the least anxious."

"So long as madame is not disturbed," said Madame Destival, pursing her lips, "it seems to me that we should do wrong to be. After what she says, we may venture to dine."

"Very good, let us dine. One, two, at the soup, and by the left flank at the beef."

"For heaven's sake, monsieur, are we going to hear nothing now but 'one, two'?"

"Faith, madame, this day has given me a great liking for the military profession. What a fine thing is a man who holds himself perfectly straight, with his body thrown back!--Pa.s.s me the beans.--Your man Bertrand is a terrible fellow; he knows his business root and branch.

Deuce take it! what a fellow he is! How he handles a musket! He told me that he was satisfied with me. Three or four lessons more, and I hope----"

"I hoped that you knew quite enough, monsieur."

"Madame, a man cannot know too much about managing weapons. I wish now that we might be attacked by robbers!"

"Would you set them to drilling, monsieur?"

"No, madame, but I would make the most of my advantages; I can fire four shots in five minutes now."

"I didn't know that, monsieur."

"Oh! there are still more surprising things. Just look at Monin; he did nothing but listen to us a moment, but see how much better he carries himself than he did this morning."

"It is certain," said Monin, raising a turnip on his fork and putting it in his mouth as if the latter were a gun barrel, "it is certain that drilling is good for a man; and I'll tell you what----"

Monin was interrupted by the arrival of La Thoma.s.siniere, quite out of breath, for he had taken a long nap under his tree, and, on waking, had reflected that they might dine without him.

"Ah! here you are at last, you terrible man!" said Destival.

"I beg pardon; I am late, I know, but I have written at least ten letters since I left you."

"Why didn't you write them here?"

"Faith, I was in such a hurry that I went into the first place I saw."

"Well, sit down beside Madame Destival."

"I'll soon overtake you, for, you see, I don't eat beef; it's poor stuff, is beef! it isn't worth eating."

Monsieur de la Thoma.s.siniere took his seat, gazing at Auguste with some surprise, because he had given him only a slight nod, and continued to eat without apparently paying any attention to the parvenu, which was a sore trial to that gentleman, who always wanted to make a sensation.

But Dalville had seen on the instant what manner of man Monsieur de la Thoma.s.siniere was. Fools enjoy the advantage of being accurately judged in a very short time, whereas it often requires a long time to form a just appreciation of men of sense.

The dinner was lively enough, thanks to Auguste and his neighbor on his left, who talked all manner of nonsense and seemed very much inclined to suit their actions to their words. The mistress of the house ate little, and Monin ate a great deal. Monsieur Destival attacked each dish in measured time, and stuck his fork into a radish as if it were a bayonet.

As for Monsieur de la Thoma.s.siniere, when he found that Dalville was determined not to take any notice of him, he decided to make himself prominent by holding forth concerning the various dishes. He declared the chicken cooked too much, the peas too large, the salad too sour, and the beaune too new. An exceedingly agreeable guest was Monsieur de la Thoma.s.siniere; but a very rich man must never seem content with what is put before him. The idea! that would make people think that he had never eaten anything good.

It was dark when they reached the dessert, because it was late when they sat down. The sky was heavily overcast; the heat became more intense, and the flashes that rent the clouds from time to time indicated an impending storm.

Monsieur Monin made haste to eat his cheese, because his wife was afraid of the thunder, and his orders were to go home to her whenever a storm was brewing. La Thoma.s.siniere asked if the house was provided with lightning rods. Monsieur Destival ordered all the windows closed at the first clap of thunder, and the sight of the lightning made him forget to present arms with his gla.s.s. As for the pet.i.te-maitresse, she declared that she was terribly afraid of a thunder storm, and she hid her face upon Auguste's shoulder at every flash.

"The deuce! the deuce! the weather is very threatening!" said Monsieur Destival. "Come, messieurs, a gla.s.s of champagne; that will scatter the clouds and make us forget.--Baptiste, have you shut everything tight?"

"Yes, monsieur."

"Be very careful that there's no draught."

"But you are stifling us, monsieur."

"Windows must be closed when it thunders, madame; that is only prudent."

"Then why don't you have a lightning-rod?" said La Thoma.s.siniere; "I have three on my country-house, two on the house I live in in Paris, and one on my other fine house on Rue de Buffaut."

"Yes, I shall have one put on at once.--Come, messieurs, your gla.s.ses, there goes the cork."