A Word to Women Part 11

One of the most beautiful women I know, whose hair is prematurely white, with an exquisitely picturesque effect of snowiness above the pink of soft cheeks, and the youthful light of deep grey eyes, was a little over forty when, talking one day with a comparatively new acquaintance, she was astonished to hear her say, "My husband says you are a dear old lady."

"Old lady!" The husband was, himself, her elder. The remark rankled for a long time, though I tried to convince her that only the most superficial and careless of observers would ever connect the idea of age with her.

[Sidenote: Time, the thief.]

The reason that women feel growing old so much more than men is that they know very well that they are more or less failures if they are not ornamental. Even the plainest of women can be decorative in her home surroundings so long as she has the bright eyes, fresh cheeks, and the rounded, yet slight contours of youth. But after awhile Time begins "throwing white roses at us" instead of red, and every pa.s.sing year puts into his laden wallet a little light from the eyes, a little bloom and softness from the cheeks, a little gloss and colour from the hair, a little lightness from the step, a little blitheness from the smile, and bestows upon us, in their stead, a varied a.s.sortment of odds and ends, which are, as to value, exactly what we choose to make them. It needs a little moral alchemy to turn them to gold and diamonds, pearls and opals; and, failing this transforming touch, Time's exchanges seem sorry enough.

_THREE WAYS OF GROWING OLD._

[Sidenote: The best way.]

[Sidenote: Growing old in thought.]

[Sidenote: Regions to be conquered.]

There are three ways of growing old. In two of them there lies a possibility of benefiting by the New Year's gifts of the old man with the scythe. The best way is to face things, and deliberately accept the situation, stepping out briskly to climb that steep bit of hill, and enter the shadows that lie beyond the crest. It is a good time to be optimistic.

Like Mark Tapley's cheerfulness, it is most valuable in moments of depression. To believe, with Browning, that--

"G.o.d's in His heaven! All's well with the world,"

is the best restorative for sinking spirits that see the best and brightest part of life behind them, and shrink from the bleakness of old age that lies before them. To feel young in one's own thoughts and emotions is not always a consolation. The young ones have interests of their own, apart from ours. They may be too kind and gentle to let us perceive it, but there is almost always some _gene_ or constraint upon them in the presence of the middle-aged. They enjoy themselves more when in the society of their contemporaries. The expression of their faces, bright and sunny, tells us that. It clouds over with seriousness, if not with gloom, when they leave the young ones and share the companions.h.i.+p of the elders. The latter, if young at heart, feel this with many a recurrent pang; but if they are elderly in their thoughts it gives them no trouble.

They accept it calmly, as in the natural course of things. But with some of us it seems most unnatural that we should grow old. The whole being cries out against it, almost as urgently rebellious as we feel against an injustice. But all this emotion has to be conquered, and we have only to take ourselves in hand, once for all, and the thing is done. Let the young ones be happy in their own way. We had our day! Let them have theirs. It will, at best, be sadly brief. Let them make the most of it.

_THE SECOND WAY._

[Sidenote: Too easy submission.]

[Sidenote: Middle age and dress.]

[Sidenote: Good sense.]

[Sidenote: A crus.h.i.+ng conspiracy.]

But there is a way of too freely submitting to grow old. A friend of mine sometimes says, "If you will insist on making yourself into a doormat you need not feel surprised if people wipe their boots on you." Quite so.

Well, if we women lie down and regard friendly old Time as an inimical Juggernaut there is nothing to prevent us from sinking into dreary dowdiness, from wearing prunella shoes, and filling our husbands with the consternation that is inseparable from this elderly kind of footgear and false fronts. We need not too literally accept the warnings of disinterested friends, who think we should be told that we "dress too young," or that the fas.h.i.+on of our coiffure is inappropriate to advancing years. Far better is it to dress too young than too old; to keep our heads in consonance with the coiffures of the day than to date ourselves in any conspicuous way. The women of our upper cla.s.ses are sensible in this matter. So long as they can cover their heads with hair they do not wear caps. Not until seventy or so do they envelop themselves in the c.u.mbrous mantles that once were devised especially for middle age, a period of life which, after all, is not adapted to weight-carrying. In travelling they wear hats or toques, and for everyday costume the tailor-made suit is generally adopted; while for afternoon wear handsome and elaborate dresses are prepared. There is no reason why elderly women should carry weight for age when the latter becomes a disability instead of an advantage. And yet, in the fas.h.i.+on journals, as well as in the shops, all the heaviest and ugliest gowns, and all the least attractive of the mantles, to say nothing of the most hopelessly hideous bonnets, are presented to the elderly customer for her choice.

[Sidenote: s.h.i.+ning examples.]

And with regard to other things, middle-aged women make themselves into doormats for Time to tread upon. Because no enterprise or variety in life is expected of them, they never dream of originating any. There is no thought of foreign travel, of seeing all the interesting places where history is made, of keeping alive and awake and intent. It is only exceptional women, like the d.u.c.h.ess of Cleveland, Lord Rosebery's wonderful mother, who go round the world at seventy, and begin to write a book involving a visit to the eastern lands, where Lady Esther Stanhope, her great aunt, lived such a romantic life. Our Queen began to learn Hindustani when nearly seventy years of age. These s.h.i.+ning examples are the ones to follow!

_THE THIRD WAY._

[Sidenote: Defying time.]

The third way of growing old is to attempt to defy Time--regard him as an enemy to be thwarted, and endeavour to hide his detested ravages under a false array of cosmetics, dyes, and other appliances. It is a despicable and silly way, but one cannot refuse a meed of compa.s.sion to those who practise it. They are generally women who have been beautiful, and it is so hard to let beauty go without an attempt to detain her. It is a great gift, and to lose it is, to those who have possessed it, a terrible thing.

Small wonder that they hug its remnants close, and wrap its rags about them. And, after all, the day must come when the tawdry imitations stand revealed for the useless things they are, even to those who pinned their faith upon them.

[Sidenote: "The best is yet to be."]

But time gives us all something in return; a growing patience which brings sweetness and gentleness in its train; a wider outlook on the world and a deeper insight into the hearts of friends; a tender sympathy with those who suffer, and a truer sense of comrades.h.i.+p with our fellow-travellers on life's road. And all these things write themselves clearly enough on the ageing faces, sometimes beautifying what once was almost dest.i.tute of charm; and sometimes spiritualising what once was beautiful in form and colour, but lacked the loveliness that results from an equal balance of mind and heart.

UNWIN BROTHERS, PRINTERS, WOKING AND LONDON.

_Uniform with this Volume:_

_Long 8vo, cloth, round corners, ONE s.h.i.+LLING._

MANNERS FOR WOMEN.

By MADGE of "TRUTH."

(Mrs. HUMPHRY.)

TWENTIETH THOUSAND.

_The Daily Telegraph_ says:--"In the knowledge of the etiquette of society as it concerns her s.e.x Mrs. Humphry is not surpa.s.sed by any writer of the day. No one knows better than she how girls ought to behave in 'company,'

and here she gives them most useful information and excellent advice....

Mrs. Humphry knows as much about dinners as about dress, and is competent to tell her fair reader what to provide as well as what to wear."

_The Court Journal_ says:--"Full of valuable points and sound common sense."

_The Star_ says:--"'Manners for Women' gives us some help we can heartily appreciate. Just what to do at all times is let drop while we are carried along by each interesting chapter. The friend you would like to ask, but are afraid to, about a simple little matter on which you have some doubt is here ready to speak from out the pages of a book."

_Truth_ says:--"Upon such a subject neither s.e.x could have a better 'guide, philosopher, and friend' than 'Madge.'"

_The Morning Leader_ says:--"Written with sound judgment and in excellent taste, therein differing from the usual handbook on Manners; it forms an admirable guide on points on etiquette."

_The Manchester Courier_ says:--"The book is another proof of the theory that good feeling and good sense are the basis of good manners, and its information is given with a tact, freshness, and vigour that cannot fail to commend themselves."

_The Gentlewoman_ says:--"Anxious mothers will find Mrs. Humphry's advice of much help in the turmoil of wedding arrangements, and her menus will be of a.s.sistance to hostesses undecided what to set before their guests."

_Uniform with this Volume:_

MANNERS FOR MEN.

By MADGE of "TRUTH."

(Mrs. HUMPHRY.)

THIRTY-SIXTH THOUSAND.