Charles Lever, His Life in His Letters Volume Ii Part 18

"I hope you'll like it, as also the sterner one on 'Hospitalities _ex-officio_.'

"The post here is now very irregular,--indeed since we're a capital the place has gone to the devil. I don't know whether the dulness or the dearness be greatest.

"The Radicals, waiting for reform and taking the destruction of the Irish Church meanwhile, remind one of Nelson's c.o.xwain's saying when asked if he would have a gla.s.s of rum or a tumbler of punch, that 'he'd be drinking the rum while her ladys.h.i.+p was mixing the punch.' Ireland is to be complimented for her projected rebellion by fresh concessions.

Never was there such a splendid policy.

"The Italians say, 'The toad got no tail at the creation of the world because he never asked for one.' Certes, my countrymen won't be deficient in their caudal appendages on such grounds.

"I am hipped by bad weather, undeveloped gout, and other ills too numerous to mention, but still------"

_To Mr John Blackwood._

"Spezzia, _Dec_. 4, 1866.

"In reply to your note, and its enclosure referring to a pa.s.sage in one of my late 'O'Dowds' that an admiral is a sort of human rhinoceros, &c., I have simply to say that the joke is a very sorry one, and one of the worst I have ever uttered, if it give offence; but I most distinctly declare that I never entertained the most distant idea of a personality.

Indeed my whole allusion was to the externals of admirals,--a certain gruffness, &c., which in itself is much too superficial a trait to include a personality.

"That I could say anything offensive to or of a service from which I have received nothing but politeness and courtesy, and some of whose members I regard as my closest and best friends, seems so impossible a charge against me that I know not how to answer it. Indeed nothing is left for me but a simple denial of intention. It then remains, perhaps, to apologise for an expression which may be misapprehended. I do so just as frankly. I think the men who so read me, read me _wrongfully_. No matter; my fault it is that I should be open to such misconstruction, and I ask to be forgiven for it.

"So much of reparation is in my power (if time permit), and I would ask you to a.s.sist me to it--to omit the entire pa.s.sage when you republish the papers in a volume.

"Will you, in any form that you think best, convey the explanation and the amends to the writer of the note you have enclosed?"

_To Mr John Blackwood._

"Villa Morelli, Florence, _Dec._ 4, 1866.

"I have just read the note you enclosed me calling my attention to my having said that an admiral was a sort of 'human rhinoceros.' I beg to recant the opinion, and when opportunity serves I will do so publicly, and declare that I believe them to be the most thin-skinned of mortals, otherwise there was nothing in the paragraph referred to which could give the slightest offence.

"To impute a personality to it would be for the reader to attach the pa.s.sage to some one to whom he thought it applicable, if there be such.

"When they mentioned vice or bribe, It's so pat to all the tribe, Each cried that was levelled at me.

"Now I had not the vaguest idea of a personality; I was simply chronicling a sort of professional gruffness and mysteriousness,--both admirable in the way of discipline, doubtless, but not so agreeable socially as the gifts of younger and less responsible men.

"Omit the whole pa.s.sage, however, when you republish the papers; and accept my a.s.surance that if ever I mention an admiral again, I will insert the word 'bishop' in my MS., and only correct it with the proof.

"It is not easy to be serious in replying to such a charge of 'doing something prejudicial to the service.' There is no accounting, however, for phraseology, as Mr Carter called the loss of his right eye 'a domestic calamity.'

"Once more, I never meant offence. I never went within a thousand miles of a personality; and if ever I mention the sea-service again, I hope I may be in it.

"P.S.--Make the fullest disclaimer on my part, if you can, to the quarter whence came the letter, as to either offence or personality,--but more particularly the latter. I am only sorry that the letter, not being addressed to myself, does not enable me to reply to the writer with this a.s.surance."

_To Mr John Blackwood._

"Florence, Dec. 7.

"Out of deference to my wife's opinion I wrote a mild disclaimer that might satisfy Admiral Kellett as to my intentions, &c. I have, since I wrote, heard confidentially that the Maltese authorities are trying to bring the matter before F. O. Now I am resolved not to make a very smallest submission, or even to go to the barest extent of an explanation.

"The only 'personality in the article was the reference to an admiral that I respected and admired. I am perfectly ready to maintain that this was not Admiral Kellett.

"If you like to forward my first note, do so, but on no account let the civil one reach him. Indeed very little reconsideration showed me that such an appeal as K.'s bespoke a consummate a.s.s, and ought not to be treated seriously. This will explain why I despatched a telegram to you this morning to use the first, not the amended, letter. My first thoughts are, I know, always my best.

"I shall be delighted if they make an F. O. affair of it: to have an opportunity of telling the cadets there what I think of the 'Authority.'

and how much respect I attach to their 'opinion,' would cure me of the attack that is now making my foot fizz with pain.

"I am annoyed with myself for being so much annoyed as all this; but if you knew to what lengths I went to make these bluejackets enjoy themselves,--what time, money, patience, pleasantry, and bitter beer I spent in their service,--you would see that this sort of requital is more than a mere worry."

_To Mr John Blackwood._

"Florence, _Dec_. 1865.

"My wife is miserable at the sharp note I sent in reply to the admiral. She says it was all wrong, "_because_, as I never did mean a personality, I ought to have no hesitation in saying as much, &c, &c.

"In fact, she makes me send the enclosed, and ask you to forward it to Kellett--that is, if _you_ agree with her. For myself, I own I am the aggrieved party; I was d------d civil to the whole menagerie, rhinoceros included. I half ruined myself in entertaining them, and now I am rebuked for a little very mild pleasantry and very weak joking.

"What! is it because ye are bluejackets there shall be no more 'O'Dowds'? Ay, marry, and very hot ones too--and sharp in the mouth.

"All right as to the new tariff. It is a great [? nuisance] to me that the public does not like its devilled kidneys in wholesale, but perhaps we may make the palate yet: I'll try a little longer, at all events.

But if the Tories come in and make me a tide-waiter, I'll forswear pen-and-ink and only write for 'The Hue and Cry.'"

_To Mr John Blackwood._

"_Dec_. 11,1865.

"Your first objection to Cave's 'spoonyness'* I answer thus. Cave was heartily ashamed of himself for having played at stakes far above his means, and, like a man so overwhelmed, was ready to do, say, or approve of anything in his confusion. I was drawing from life in this sketch.

* In 'Sir Brook Fossbrooke.' of doctrine by the opposite poles--Exeter and Cashel, Colenso and Carlisle; but you will see that I never instanced these men, or any other individuals, as likely to offer their pulpits.

"2nd, Sewell's addressing the men in his town so carelessly. He never saw them before; they came, hundreds, to see a race, and his acquaintances and the public were so mingled. He addressed them with an insolence not infrequent in Englishmen towards 'mere Irish,' and only corrected himself when pulled up.

"I am deep in thinking over the story; and though I have not written a line, I am _at it_ night and day." To Mr John Blackwood.

"Florence, _Dec_. 12,1865.

"I have just got your note. I need not say it has not given me pleasure, for I really thought--so little are men judges of their own work--that there were some of these O'Ds. equal to any I ever wrote. The paper that requires either explanation or defence can't be good, and so I accept the adverse verdict. I make no defence, but I must make explanation.