Told by the Death's Head Part 41

The breeding-thaler was not of much use to me, for I was in a region where there was nothing I cared to purchase.

I was with the French camp in front of the city of Lille, where I had been a.s.signed to the artillery, because I had admitted that I knew something about the management of cannon.

It was a miserable existence: crouched day and night in the trenches; or, on the lookout for the grenades, which were hurled into our camp from the city we were besieging.

But I could have endured all the hards.h.i.+ps if I had had enough to eat.

The French general would not allow any vivandieres with spiritous liquors to enter the battery; the gunners, he said, must remain sober; and that they might not want to drink, they were given very little to eat, as eating promotes thirst. If I sent a sapper with a jug to the canteen for beer, he would invariably return with the empty jug, and swear he had lost the thaler I had given him on the way--which was true; for, no matter how often I tried it, the coin would be back in my pocket before the messenger had been gone five minutes. The consequence was I was in a continual state of hunger and thirst.

The officers, on the contrary, had plenty to eat and drink. They were always feasting and making merry in their tents.

My captain had in camp with him a companion of the gentler s.e.x, who was not his wife, nor was she his sister, daughter, or mother--nor yet his grand-mother. This lady would sometimes accompany him on his tours of inspection, riding by his side, in a long silk habit, with a plumed cap on her head. She was a beautiful creature.

One day the general, who had got tired seeing so many women about, gave orders that every one not having a legal husband among his troops should leave the camp within twenty-four hours. That day my captain came to me, and after making believe he was come on business about the guns, said: "By the way, gunner, you look to me like a chap who was used to something better than loading cannon and sleeping on the ground--"

"And gnawing dry bread," I ventured to append.

He laughed, and said again:

"I've half a mind to appoint you my adjutant--how would that suit you?"

"I shouldn't object."

"Will you do me a small favor in return?"

"Whatever I can, sir."

"I should want you to keep a well-supplied table, and invite me to dine and sup. I, of course, will pay all expenses."

"That doesn't sound like a very hard task, sir," I replied.

"It isn't--only there's a condition goes with it. In order to entertain properly an officer of my rank, there will have to be a lady to do the honors of the table."

"But, where can I get the lady, sir?"

"I'll find one for you--the lady you have seen riding with me. She has long possessed my deepest respect."

I scratched my head back of the right ear:

"If you respect the lady so much, sir, why don't you marry her?"

"Stupid fellow!--because I already have a wife."

"Look here, sir," I said after a moment's deliberation, "I have eaten all sorts of ammunition bread during my experience as a soldier; I have cheated and stolen; but I have never occupied a position so low as the one you want me to accept."

"But, my lad, consider the advantages: Plenty to eat, and drink, and nothing to do--that is one alternative; the other: in the trenches night and day, bread and water! I will give you half an hour to think it over; if you refuse I shall offer the position to some one else--some one who is not so squeamish as you."

That was a long half hour!

I thought over what I had to lose if I accepted the position: Honor? I had very little left; but, if I had squandered it I had done so with my sword and musket, idled it away in a hundred ways--though never in the despicable manner suggested to me by my captain.

But I had been persecuted and cursed for trying to do good--what use to try again? Besides, I hadn't anything to lose: I might as well eat and drink away the little self-respect and honor I still possessed.

At the end of the half hour, the captain came for my decision. I said:

"I accept your offer, sir--here's my hand on it!"

I held out my hand, and so did he; but, before they came together, each of us drew back--each prompted by the same thought: "This fellow's hand is more soiled than mine--I cannot take it!"

But, I married the donna that afternoon, bestowing on her one of my numerous names; and after the chaplain of the regiment had performed the ceremony, this thought involuntarily suggested itself to me: "Hugo, my lad, you are not the only one cheated in this business."

From that hour it went well with my body--and luckily one's stomach does not possess a conscience! In addition to a well-filled larder and cellar, I had a t.i.tle--I was called "adjutant."

I saw my bride only at table; how frequently the captain visited my quarters I cannot say. When he was obliged to absent himself on duty connected with the campaign, he would always try to surprise her by an unexpected return.

One day she was more than surprised when her lover was brought back to camp minus his head; he had had the misfortune to get within range of a cannon shot from the enemy's lines.

My situation now became anything but agreeable. I ceased to be an adjutant, but I was still the husband of my wife--a role I found it exceedingly difficult to continue. The woman had been accustomed to every luxury; but, as money does not fall from the sky, I found great difficulty in providing her with the bare necessities of life. One after another of the costly ornaments she had received from the captain were disposed of to supply her numerous demands, until all were gone. Then she began to quarrel with me and accused me with trying to starve her.

I bethought me of the magic coin I had carried in my pocket all this time, merely as a souvenir of the demon-a.s.sembly in the Black Forest.

I said to it: "Now, thaler, show what you can do!" and gave it to the woman to buy what was necessary.

I did not know then that if a breeding-thaler were given away it would not return; and when I placed it in the woman's hand I believed, of course, I should find it again in a few minutes in my pocket.

But I never saw the thaler again!

When, at the expiration of several hours, it did not return to me, I consoled myself with thinking it must be in the woman's pocket. But it had not returned to her--she had given it to an ensign who had been an admirer of hers for a long time. So, the magic thaler was gone for good, and I had nothing but the woman I had married to please my captain--and he was dead!

What was to be done? Should I run away from my wife, and my flag?--become a two-fold deserter? I pondered over this question for three days; for three long days I endured the taunts of my wife, and the ridicule of my comrades, and on the third I fled--

"I should have run away the first day!" emphatically exclaimed the prince, giving the table a thump with his fist.

The mayor's eye twinkled as he added:

"Consequently, desertion may also be stricken from the register!"

(_Quod dixi dixi._)

PART XIII.

THE EXCHANGE OF BODIES.

CHAPTER I.