Mr. Punch's Life in London Part 20

A LOVE SONG OF THE MONEY-MARKET

I will not ask thee to be mine, Because I love thee far too well; Ah! what I feel, who thus resign All hope in life, no words can tell.

Only the dictate I obey Of deep affection's strong excess, When, dearest, in despair, I say Farewell to thee and happiness.

Thy face, so tranquil and serene, To see bedimmed I could not bear, Pinched with hard thrift's expression mean, Disfigured with the lines of care, I could not brook the day to see When thou would'st not, as thou hast now, Have all those things surrounding thee That light the eye and smooth the brow.

Thou wilt smile calmly at my fear That want would e'er approach our door; I know it must to thee appear A melancholy dream: no more.

Wilt thou not be with riches blest?

Is not my fortune ample too?

Must I not, therefore, be possessed, To feel that dread, of devils blue?

Alas! my wealth, that should maintain, My bride in glory and in joy, Is built on a foundation vain, Which soon a tempest will destroy.

Yes, yes, an interest high, I know My capital at present bears; But in a moment it may go: It is invested all in shares.

The company is doomed to fall, Spreading around disaster dire, I hear that the directors all Are rogues--the greatest rogue thy sire!

Go--seek a happier, wiser mate, Who had the wit to be content With the returns of his estate, And with Consols at three per cent!

THE FEAST OF ALL FOOLS.--More than is good for them.

THE "LAP" OF LUXURY.--Genuine milk in London.

DISH FOR DIDDLED SHAREHOLDERS.--Bubble and squeak.

SCIENCE GOSSIP.--"A City Clerk and a Naturalist" asks whether there is not a bird called the _ditto ditto_. Is he not thinking of our old acquaintance, the do-do?

HOW TO MAKE MONEY.--Get a situation in the Mint.--_Economist._

STRANGE COIN.--Forty _odd_ pounds!

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MOMENTOUS QUESTION.--_Paterfamilias (who is just beginning to feel himself at home in his delightfully new suburban residence) interrupts the wife of his bosom._ "'Seaside!' 'Change of air!!' 'Out of town!!!' What nonsense, Anna Maria! Why, good gracious me! what on earth can you want to be going '_out of town_' for, when you've got such a garden as _this_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SUGGESTIVE

_Dissipated Ballad Howler._ "Sweet spirit, 'ear my prayer!"]

A CORRECTOR OF THE PRESS.--A policeman at a crowded crossing.

NEVER ON ITS LEGS.--The most constant faller in the metropolis: the Strand, because it is always being picked up.

THE MARKETS.--There was a good deal of liveliness in hops, and a party of strangers, who seemed to act together, took off the contents of all the _pockets_ they could lay hold of. There was little doing in corn, and what barley came in was converted into barley-water for a large consumer. Peas were distributed freely in small samples through the market, by means of tin tubes; and as usual there was a good deal of roguery in grain, which it was found necessary to guard against.

THE FORTNIGHTLY REVIEW.--The account day on the Stock Exchange.

A REGULAR MAKE-s.h.i.+FT.--The sewing machine.

CITY INTELLIGENCE.--We read, in a great aldermanic authority, that "a dinner is on the _tapis_." The _tapis_ alluded to is, of course, Gob'lin?

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE RESULT OF CARELESS BILL-POSTING]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SKETCH NEAR PICCADILLY]

[Ill.u.s.tration: MADAME CHRYSANTHeME

(_With apologies to "Pierre Loti."_)]

A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION.--_Mrs. Griddleton._ What are those square things, coachman, you put over the poor horse's eyes?

_Driver._ Blinkers, ma'am.

_Mrs. G._ Why do you put them on, coachman?

_Driver._ To prevent the 'orse from blinking, ma'am.