Mr. Punch's Life in London Part 5

_Distaff Lane._--Full of spinsters.

_Farm Street._--Highly sensitive to the fluctuations of the corn market.

_Fas.h.i.+on Street._--Magnificent sight in the height of the season.

_First Street._--Of immense antiquity.

_Friday Street._--Great jealousy felt by all the other days of the week.

_Garlick Hill._--Make a little _detour_.

_Gla.s.shouse Street._--Heavily insured against hailstorms.

_G.o.dliman Street._--Irreproachable.

_Great Smith Street._--Which of the Smiths is this?

_Grundy Street._--Named after that famous historic character--Mrs.

Grundy.

_Hercules Buildings._--Rich in traditions and stories of the "Labours"

of the Founder.

_Homer Street._--Literally cla.s.sic ground. The house pointed out in connection with "the blind old bard" has long since disappeared.

_Idol Lane._--Where are the Missionaries?

_Ivy Lane._--This, and Lillypot Lane, and Woodp.e.c.k.e.r Lane, and Wheatsheaf Yard, and White Thorn Street, all sweetly rural. It is difficult to make a selection.

_Lamb's Conduit Street._--Touching description (by the oldest inhabitant) of the young lambs coming to drink at the conduit.

_Liquorpond Street._--See Philpot Lane.

_Love Lane._--What sort of love? The "love of the turtle?"

_Lupus Street._ } } Both dangerous.

_Maddox Street._}

_Milk Street._--Notice the number of pumps.

_Mincing Lane._--Mincing is now mostly done elsewhere, by machinery.

_Orchard Street._--The last apple was gathered here about the time that the last coursing match took place in Hare Court.

_Paper Buildings._--Wonderfully substantial! Brief paper extensively used in these buildings.

_Paradise Street._ } } Difficult to choose between the two.

_Peerless Street._ }

_Poultry._ } } Crowded at Christmas.

_Pudding Lane._ }

_Quality Court._--Most aristocratic.

_Riches Court._--Not a house to be had for love or money.

_Shepherdess Walk._--Ought to be near Shepherds' Bush.

_Trump Street._--Noted for whist.

_Type Street._--Leaves a most favourable impression.

_World's End Pa.s.sage._--Finis.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A QUALIFIED GUIDE.--_Befogged Pedestrian._ "Could you direct me to the river, please?" _Hatless and Dripping Stranger._ "Straight ahead. I've just come from it!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: FAs.h.i.+ONABLE AND SEASONABLE.

Where to sup _al fresco_ in the hottest weather. The "_Whelkome_ Club"]

"THE ROUND OF THE RESTAURANTS."--Beef.

[Ill.u.s.tration: SACRIFICE.--_Good Templar._ "Tut--t--t--really, Swizzle, it's disgraceful to see a man in your position in this state, after the expense we've incurred and the exertions we've used to put down the liquor traffic!" _Swizzle._ "Y' may preash as mush as y' like, gen'l'm'n, bur I can tell y' I've made more persh'nal efforsh to (_hic_) purrown liquor than any of ye!"]

A LONDON FOG

A fog in London daytime like the night is, Our fellow-creatures seem like wandering ghosts, The dull mephitic cloud will bring bronchitis; You cannon into cabs or fall o'er posts.

The air is full of pestilential vapours, Innumerable "blacks" come with the smoke; The thief and rough cut unmolested capers, In truth a London fog's no sort of joke.

You rise by candle-light or gaslight, swearing There never was a climate made like ours; If rashly you go out to take an airing, The soot-flakes come in black plutonian show'rs.

Your carriage wildly runs into another, No matter though you go at walking pace; You meet your dearest friend, or else your brother And never know him, although face to face.

The hours run on, and night and day commingle, Unutterable filth is in the air; You're much depressed, e'en in the fire-side ingle, The hag dyspepsia seems everywhere.

Your wild disgust in vain you try to bridle, Mad as March hare or hydrophobic dog, You feel, in fact, intensely suicidal: Such things befall us in a London fog!

THE MOST LOYAL OF CUP-BEARERS.--A blind man's dog.