The Legend of Ulenspiegel Volume I Part 24

He went and offered himself as servant to Jan of Zuursmoel, who being a captain of landsknechts, had narrowly escaped hanging in default of ransom and had an utter horror of hemp, which in the Fleming tongue was then called kennip.

One day, Jan of Zuursmoel, wis.h.i.+ng to show Ulenspiegel his tasks, brought him to the end of his garden and there they saw a cantle of land, next to the garden, all planted over with green kennip.

Jan of Zuursmoel said to Ulenspiegel:

"Every time you see this ugly plant, you must entreat it shamefully, for this it is that serveth for rack and gallows."

"I will shamefully entreat it," replied Ulenspiegel.

Jan of Zuursmoel being one day at table with certain gourmand friends of his, the cook said to Ulenspiegel:

"Go to the cellar and get some zennip," which is mustard.

Ulenspiegel, cunningly taking it kennip instead of zennip, foully and shamefully entreated the pot of zennip in the cellar and came back to put it on the table, not without laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" asked Jan of Zuursmoel. "Do you think that our nostrils are made of bra.s.s? Eat of this zennip, since it is you that dressed it yourself."

"I like better things grilled with cinnamon," answered Ulenspiegel.

Jan of Zuursmoel got up to beat him.

"There is," said he, "foulness in this pot of mustard."

"Baes," said Ulenspiegel, "have you no mind of the day when I went at your heels to the far end of your garden? There, you bade me, showing the zennip: 'Everywhere you see that plant, entreat it foully, for this it is that serveth for rack and gallows.' I did entreat it so, baes, I did entreat it shamefully with great affronting; do not now go to murder me for my obedience."

"I said kennip and not zennip," shouted Jan of Zuursmoel in a fury.

"Baes, you said zennip and not kennip," retorted Ulenspiegel.

Thus they argued loud and long, Ulenspiegel speaking humbly, Jan of Zuursmoel screaming like an eagle and mixing up zennip, kennip, kemp, zemp, zemp, kemp, zemp, like a skein of ravelled silk.

And the guests laughed like devils eating cutlets of Dominican friars and inquisitors' kidneys.

But Ulenspiegel must needs leave Jan of Zuursmoel.

XLVIII

Nele was still always miserable for the sake of herself and her witless mother.

Ulenspiegel hired himself to a tailor who said to him:

"When you sew, sew close, so that I can see nothing."

Ulenspiegel went and sat under a cask and there began to sew.

"That is not what I mean," cried the tailor.

"I am close in a cask; how do you think any one can see in it?" answered Ulenspiegel.

"Come," said the tailor, "take your seat there on the table and make your st.i.tches close one to the other and make the coat like this wolf--" wolf was the name of a peasant's jerkin.

Ulenspiegel took the jerkin, cut it in pieces and sewed it so as to give it the semblance and shape of a wolf.

The tailor, seeing this, cried out:

"What have you made, in the devil's name?"

"A wolf," replied Ulenspiegel.

"Evil mocker," said the tailor, "I had told you a wolf, it is true, but you know that wolf is said of a peasant's jerkin."

Sometime after he said:

"Boy, cast these sleeves on to this doublet before you go to your bed."

Ulenspiegel hung up the doublet on a nail and spent the whole night throwing the sleeves at it.

The tailor came down to the noise.

"Good-for-naught," said he, "what new ill trick are you playing me now?"

"Is that an ill trick?" answered Ulenspiegel. "See those sleeves, I have thrown them all night long against the doublet, and they don't stick to it yet."

"That is natural," said the tailor. "And that is why I am throwing you out into the street: see if you will stick there better than the sleeves did."

XLIX

Meanwhile Nele, when Katheline was in the house of some kindly neighbour, and well looked after, Nele used to go far far afield, all alone, as far as Antwerp, all along by the Scheldt or elsewhere, ever seeking, both on the river banks and on the dusty highways, if she could not see her friend Ulenspiegel.

One fair-day, being at Hamburg, he saw merchants everywhere, and among them certain old Jews living on usury and old clothes.

Ulenspiegel, desiring to be a merchant, too, saw lying on the ground some lumps of horse dung and brought them to his lodging, which was a bastion of the rampart wall. There he dried them, and then bought red silk and green silk and made little bags with them, and put the horse dung in the bags and tied them with ribbon, as if they had been full of musk.

Then with some pieces of board he made himself a pedlar's tray, hung it about his neck by means of old cords and came into the market, carrying in front of him his tray filled with these sachets. In the evening to light them up he had a little candle burning in their midst.

When any came and asked him what he had for sale, he would reply mysteriously:

"I will tell you, but let us not speak too loud."

"What is it then?" the customers would say.