Jeppe on the Hill Part 7

=Nille= (alone)--There, you drunken beast! Sleep till you get sober, then we shall talk further about this matter. Such swine as you are don't get into Paradise. Only think how that beast has drunk his senses away! But if he has been enjoying himself at my expense then he shall certainly suffer for it. For two days he shall get neither food nor drink. Before that time has pa.s.sed he will get over his notions of Paradise.

Scene 4.

Three armed men. Nille.

=First Soldier=--Is there a man living here by the name of Jeppe?

=Nille=--Yes, there is.

=Soldiers=--Are you his wife?

=Nille=--Yes, I am sorry to say. G.o.d help me!

=Soldiers=--We must see him.

=Nille=--He is quite drunk.

=Soldiers=--That makes no difference, away! Bring him out, or the whole house will get into trouble.

(Nille goes in, kicks Jeppe out with such force that he knocks down all three men.)

Scene 5.

Three armed men. Jeppe.

=Jeppe=--Ah! Ah! Now you see, my good fellows, what kind of wife I have to live with.

=Soldiers=--You don't deserve any other treatment, for you are a felon.

(They take Jeppe away.)

=Jeppe=--What harm have I done?

=Soldiers=--You shall find that out soon enough when the court is held.

(They bind him.)

Scene 6.

Two lawyers. The judge. Jeppe.

(The judge comes in with an attendant and seats himself by a table, while Jeppe is tied by the hands and brought before the court. One of the lawyers steps forward and makes his charge thus:)

=First Lawyer=--Here is a man, your honor, who, we can testify, has stolen into the Baron's house, pretended he was the Baron, put on his clothes, tyrannized over his servants, which, since it is an outrageous act, we insist, on behalf of our client that it should be punished severely, so that other criminals may take warning from him.

=Judge=--Are you guilty of the offence which is charged against you? Speak up. What have you to say in your own defence, for we do not wish to judge until we hear both sides?

=Jeppe=--Ah, my poor soul! What shall I say? I admit that I have deserved punishment, but only for the money which I drank up and which I was to have bought soap with; I confess, also, that I have lately been at a castle, but how I got there and how I got away from there, I do not know.

=Plaintiff (First Lawyer)=--Your honor hears from his own confession that he has drunk to excess, and in his intoxication committed such an unheard-of misdemeanor. And it now only remains to determine whether such a serious crime can be excused on the ground of drunkenness. I say no! Since if that is the case, no crime would be punished. Everyone would be seeking some such excuse and say that it was done in drunkenness; and even if he can prove himself to have been drunk, his case will not thereby be improved; for it is a rule in law that what a man does in drunkenness he shall be held responsible for when he becomes sober.

=Defendant (Second Lawyer)=--Your honor! This matter appears so strange to me that I can hardly believe it, even if there were more witnesses. How could a guileless peasant steal in upon his lords.h.i.+p's estate, and a.s.sume his position, without being able to a.s.sume his face or his form!

How could he come into my lord's sleeping-chamber? How could he get to his wardrobe without some one seeing him? No, your honor, one can see that it is a conspiracy hatched up by the poor man's enemies. I hope, therefore, that he will be acquitted.

=Jeppe= (weeping)--Ah! G.o.d bless your lips! I have a plug of tobacco in my pocket, if you would like some; it is good enough for any honest man.

=Second Lawyer=--No thanks, keep your tobacco, Jeppe. I am defending you not for money or gifts but only from a sense of Christian charity.

=Jeppe=--I beg your pardon, Mr. Lawyer, I had not thought that lawyers were so honest!

=First Lawyer=--That which my colleague adduces for the acquittal of this felon is based entirely on guess work. The question in this case is not whether it is probable that such a thing could occur, for it has already been proved, by witnesses as well as by his own confession, that it did occur.

=Second Lawyer=--What a man confesses through fear and intimidation cannot be considered in law. I ask, therefore, that this poor man be given time for reflection, and that he be asked the same questions once more.

Listen, Jeppe, mind now what you say. Do you confess that of which you are accused?

=Jeppe=--No! I make my oath that everything which I have said before is a lie; for I have not been out of my house for three days!

=First Lawyer=--Your honor, I am firmly of the opinion that anyone who has first been proved guilty by witnesses, and later has confessed his own misdeeds should not be permitted to make a sworn statement.

=Second Lawyer=--I say yes,--

=First Lawyer=--I say no!

=Second Lawyer=--When the case is of such a peculiar nature.

=First Lawyer=--No circ.u.mstances can prevail against witnesses and the defendant's own confession.

=Jeppe= (aside)--Ah, if they could only get into a sc.r.a.p with each other!

In the meantime I should get hold of the judge and pound him, so he would forget both law and justice.

=Second Lawyer=--But listen, Herr Colleague! Although he confesses the deed, he has not deserved punishment; for he has committed no crime on the estate, neither murder nor robbery.

=First Lawyer=--That makes no difference; intentio furandi is the same as furtum.

=Jeppe=--Talk Danish, you dirty dog! Then we'll be able to defend ourselves all right.

=First Lawyer=--For whether it is found that a person intends to steal, or does steal, he is a thief.

=Jeppe=--Ah, my gracious judge, I should gladly be hanged, if that lawyer could be hanged at my side.

=Second Lawyer=--Don't talk that way, Jeppe, you only injure your own cause by it.

=Jeppe=--Why don't you answer, then? (Aside.) He stands there like a dumb fool.

=Second Lawyer=--But how do you prove furandi propositum?

=First Lawyer=--Quic.u.mque in aedes alienas noctu irrumpit, tanquam fur aut nocturnus gra.s.sator existimandus est, atqui reus hic ita, ergo.