Valerie Part 34

"The Colonel was mistaken. There is nothing settled or unsettled."

"And do you, really, not like him?"

"I really _do_ like him, Adele, as a very pleasant companion for an hour or two, and as a very perfect gentleman."

"Yes, he told me all that. But, if you like him so well, why not like him better? Why not love him?"

"I will be plain and true with you, Adele. I do not choose to consider at all, whether I could or could _not_, love him. He has never asked me, has never spoken of love to me; and putting it out of the question that it is unmaidenly to love unasked, I am sure it is unwise."

"I understand, I understand. But he _will_ ask you, that is certain; and, when he does ask, what shall you say?"

"It will be time enough to consider when that time shall come."

"Another way of saying, 'I shall say _yes_!' But come, Valerie, you must promise me that if you need my a.s.sistance, you will call upon me for it. You _know_ that anything I can do for you will be done without a thought but how I best may serve you; and Jervis will do likewise, since he, as I do, considers that under Heaven, we owe our happiness to you."

"I promise it."

"Enough; I will ask no more. Now come up to my room, and I will give you Madame d'Albret's letters, and some pretty presents she has sent you. Do you know, Valerie, nothing could exceed her kindness to us. I believe she repents bitterly her unkindness to you. I cannot repeat the terms of praise and admiration which she applied to you."

"And do you know, Adele, that it was her infamous and miserable husband, Monsieur G--, whom the Count horsewhipped this very day, for insulting me?"

"Indeed? was it indeed? That man's enmity to you will never cease, so long as he has life. No, Jervis did not tell me who it was, thinking, I fancy, that neither you nor I would have so much as known his name. But never care about the wretch. Here is Madame's letter."

It was as kind a letter as could be written, full of thanks for the favour I had shown her in introducing my friends to her, and of hopes that we should one day meet again, when all the past should be forgotten, and I should resume my own place and station in the society of my own land. She begged my acceptance of the pretty dresses she sent, which she said she had selected, not for their value, but because they were pretty; and, in her postscript, she added, what of course outweighed all the rest of her letter, both in interest and importance, that she had recently been informed through a strange channel, and, as it were, by accident, that my mother's health was failing, seriously, and that, although not attacked by any regular disorder, nor in any immediate danger, it was not thought probable that she could live much longer. "In that case, Valerie," she continued, "for, although no one could be so unnatural as to _wish_ for a mother's death, how cruel and unmotherly she might be soever, it cannot be expected that you should regard her decease with more than decent observation, and a proper seriousness, and I shall look to see you dwelling again among us, and spending the little fortune which I understand you have so bravely earned, in the midst of your friends, and in your own country."

"That I shall never do," I said, speaking aloud, though in answer partly to her letter, partly to my own words; "that I shall never do. Visit France I may, once and again; but in England I shall dwell. France banished and repudiated me like a step-mother--England received me, kinder than my own, like a mother. In England I shall dwell."

"Wait till you see the lord of your destinies; and learn where he shall dwell. You will have to say, like the rest of us, 'Your country shall be my country, and your G.o.d my G.o.d,'"--observed Adele interrupting my musings.

"The first perhaps--the last never! never! Catholic I was born, Catholic I will die. I do _not_ say that I will never marry any but a Catholic, but I _do_ say that I will never marry but one who will approve my adoring my own G.o.d, according to my own conscience."

"Is the Count de Chavannes a Catholic?"

"Indeed, I know not. But he is a Breton, and the Bretons are a loyal race, both to their king and their G.o.d."

I now turned to finish my reading, which had been for the moment interrupted.

"Indeed, my dear Valerie," she concluded her letter, "I have long felt that although we were certainly justified by the circ.u.mstances of your situation, in taking the steps we did at that time, we have been hardly pardonable in persisting so long in the maintenance of a falsehood, which has certainly been the cause of great pain and suffering to both your parents, the innocent no less than the guilty. I know that your mother can never forgive me for aiding you in your escape from her authority; but for my part, I am willing to bear her enmity, rather than persist in further concealment, so that you need not in any degree consider me in any steps which you may think it wise or right to take towards revelation and reconciliation. Indeed I think, Valerie, that if it can be done with due regard to your own safety and happiness, you ought to discover yourself to both your parents, and, if possible, even to visit the most unhappy, because the guiltier of the two, before her dissolution, which I really believe to be now very near at hand.

Everyone knows so well what you have undergone, that no blame will attach to you in the least degree. Allow me to add, that should you return to France, as I hope you will do, I shall never forgive you if you do not make my house your home."

This postscript, as will readily be believed, gave me more cause for thought than all the letter beside, and rendered me exceedingly uneasy.

If I had felt ill-satisfied before with my condition and my concealment, much more was I now discontented with myself, and unhappy. I was almost resolved to return at all hazards with Auguste; and, indeed, when I consulted with Adele, she leaned very much towards the same opinion. I would not, however, do anything rashly, but determined to consult not only with my brother, but with the Judge, in whose wisdom I had no less confidence than I had in his friends.h.i.+p and integrity.

Things, however, were destined to occur, which in some degree altered and hastened all my proceedings, for that very evening when the Gironacs had retired, on my beginning to consult Auguste, "Listen to me a moment, before you tell me about your letters from France, or anything about returning, and I entreat you answer me truly, and let no false modesty, or little missish delicacy, prevent your doing so. Many a life has been rendered miserable by such foolishness, I have heard say; and being, as it were, almost alone in the world, as if an only brother with an only sister, to whom, if not to one another, should we speak freely?"

"You need not have made so long a preamble, dear Auguste," I replied with a smile; "of course, I will answer you; and, when I say that, of course I will answer truly."

"Well, then, Valerie, do you like this Count de Chavannes?"

"It is an odd question, but--Yes. I do like him."

"Do you love him, Valerie?"

"Oh! Auguste--that is not fair. Besides, he has never spoken to me of love. He has never--I do not know whether he loves me--I have no reason to believe that he does."

"No reason!"--he exclaimed, half surprised, half indignant--"no reason!

I should think--but never mind--answer me this; if he did love you, do you love him or like him enough to take him for your husband?"

"He has spoken to you, Auguste--he has spoken to you!" I exclaimed, blus.h.i.+ng very deeply, but unable to conceal my gratification.

"I am answered, Valerie, by the sparkle of those bright eyes. Yes, he has spoken to me, dearest sister; and asked my influence with you, and my permission to address you."

"And you replied--?"

"And I replied, that my permission was a matter of no consequence, for that you were entirely your own mistress, and that my influence would be exerted only to induce you to follow your own judgment and inclinations, and to consult for your own happiness."

"Answered like a good and wise brother. And then he--?"

"Asked, whether I could form any opinion of the state of your feelings.

To which I replied, that I could only say that I had reason to suppose that your hand and heart were neither of them engaged, and that the field was open to him if he chose to make a trial. But that I had no opportunity of judging how you felt toward him. I also said, that I thought you knew very little of each other, and that his attachment must have grown up too rapidly to have taken a very strong root. But there I found I was mistaken. For he a.s.sured me that it was from esteem of your character, and admiration of your energy, courage, and constancy under adversity, not from the mere prettiness of your face, or niceness of your manners, that he first began to love you. And I since ascertained that there is scarce an incident of your life with which he has not made himself acquainted, and that in the most delicate and guarded manner. I confess, Valerie, that it has raised him greatly in my estimation to find that he looks upon marriage as a thing so serious and solemn, and does not rush into it from mere fancy for a pretty face and lady-like accomplishments."

"I think so too, Auguste," I replied. "But I wish we knew a little more about him. His character and principles, I mean."

Auguste looked at me for a moment, in great surprise. "What an exceedingly matter-of-fact girl you are, Valerie; I never knew any one in the least like you. Do you know I am afraid you are a little--" and he paused a moment, as if he hardly knew how to proceed.

"A little hard and cold, is it not, dear Auguste?" said I, throwing my arms about him. "No, no, indeed I am not; but I have been cast so long on my own sole resources, and obliged to rely only on my own energy and clear-sightedness, that I always try to look at both sides of the question, and not to let my feelings overpower me, until I have proved that it is good and wise to do so. Consider, too, Auguste, that on this step depends the whole happiness or misery of a girl's existence."

"You are right, Valerie, and I am wrong. But tell me, do you love him?"

"I do, Auguste. I like him better than any man I have ever seen. He is the only man of whom I could think as a husband--and I have for some time past been fearful of liking him--loving him, too much, not knowing, though I did believe and hope, that he reciprocated my feelings. And now, if I knew but a little more of his principles and character, I would not hesitate."

"Then you need not hesitate, dearest Valerie; for, as if to obviate this objection, he showed me, in the most delicate manner, private letters from his oldest and most intimate friends, and especially from Mr --, a most respectable clergyman, who lives at Hendon, by whom he was educated, and with whom he has maintained constant intercourse and correspondence ever since. This alone speaks very highly in his favour, and the terms in which he writes to his pupil, are such as prove them both to be men of the highest character for worth, integrity, and virtue. He has proposed, moreover, that I should ride down with him to-morrow to Hendon, to visit Mr --, and to hear from his own lips yet more of his character and conduct, that is to say, if I can give him any hopes of ultimate success."

"Well, Auguste," I replied, "I think with you, that all this speaks very highly in favour of your friend; and I think that the best thing you can do, is to take this ride which he proposes, and see his tutor. In the meantime, I will drive down to Kew, and speak with our good friend, Judge Selwyn, on the subject. To-morrow evening I will see the Count, and hear whatever he desires to say to me."

This was a very matter-of-fact way of dealing with the affair, certainly; but what Auguste had said, was in some sort true. I was in truth rather a matter-of-fact girl, and I never found that I suffered by it in the least; for I certainly was not either worldly or selfish, and the feelings do, as certainly, require to be guided and controlled by sober reason.

After coming to this conclusion, I showed Madame d'Albret's letter to Auguste, and we came to the decision, also, that, under the circ.u.mstances, Auguste should immediately, on his return, communicate the fact of my being alive and in good circ.u.mstances, to my father; leaving it at his discretion to inform my mother of the facts or not, as he might judge expedient.

At a very early hour next morning, I took a gla.s.s-coach and drove down to Kew, where I arrived, greatly to the astonishment of the whole family, just as they were sitting down to breakfast; and, when I stated that I had come to speak on very urgent business with the Judge, he desired my carriage to return to town, and proposed to carry me back himself, so that we might kill two birds, as he expressed it, with one stone, holding a consultation in his carriage, while on his way to court.

As soon as we got into the coach, while I was hesitating how to open the subject, which was certainly a little awkward for a young girl, the Judge took up the discourse--

"Well, Valerie," he said, "I suppose you want to know the result of the inquiries which you were so unwilling that I should make about the Count de Chavannes. Is not that true?"

"It is perfectly true, Judge--though I do not know how you ever have divined it."

"It is lucky, at least, that I consulted my own judgment, rather than your fancy; for otherwise I should have had no information to give you."