Paul and His Dog Volume Ii Part 42

"I want--I want above all things that you shouldn't call me Chamoureau again!"

"Oh! as for that, I can't promise."

"If you call me that at our party to-morrow, it will be infinitely disagreeable to me."

"Why did you invite me then?"

"It wasn't I who invited you, it was my wife."

"Ah! thanks! I recognize you there. Well, my amiable friend, as you were not the one who invited me, I am perfectly justified in telling you that I am going to your fete to-morrow solely from curiosity, to laugh a little; because I am persuaded that there will be some amusing sights there--not counting you--and lastly because I am curious to see how you receive your old friends now that you are rich and n.o.ble and have a palace!--There! are you content with me? Ha! ha! you must tell your wife not to invite me another time."

Chamoureau bit his lips.

"We will receive our old friends very cordially," he muttered, "when they don't make fun of us.--Look you, a few days ago, a German baron arrived here, a former friend of my wife; and a man of the highest extraction, and he paid me the most flattering compliments on my marriage."

"The deuce! he must have a fine German accent, must this baron!"

"Why, no, not very much; he swears in German, that's all. Well, since he has been here, he dines and breakfasts with us almost every day; he dined with us to-day again, and we drank a certain pomard--ah! such pomard!--he drinks straight, does the baron--and I held my own with him."

"Ah! I am not surprised that you didn't see where you were going just now."

"Nonsense! I never get drunk myself."

"What are you looking for now?"

"I am looking for Monsieur de Schtapelmerg."

"Good G.o.d! what did you say?"

"I said I was looking for Monsieur de Schtapelmerg; that's the baron's name."

"He has a name that requires study to be p.r.o.nounced in a becoming manner.--So he was with you, was he?"

"Yes, we came out together after dinner--to take a look at the country.

He probably left me, at the call of nature; and I was so absorbed in my search that I didn't notice that I was alone."

"Have you lost anything, pray, that you were engaged in such an absorbing search?"

"Oh, no! I am seeking a method of ascertaining the age of trees simply by looking at the trunk."

"I should never have suspected that that was what you were seeking. You are getting to be beyond me; I am no longer on your level. Was it your wife who commissioned you to ascertain that?"

"As if women ever meddled in science! It's an idea that came into my head as I contemplated the magnificent lindens in our avenue. You haven't seen our avenue yet, have you?"

"I have seen nothing, as I have just arrived; but when you have found out the age of a tree, what will you do with it?"

"Oh! you distress me, Freluchon! When one makes a scientific discovery, one endows one's country with it, and the country rewards one. It may lead to anything!"

At that moment a vinous voice arose in the distance, calling:

"Hallo there! Belleville! d.a.m.nation! Belleville! What in the deuce has become of our friend? Ho there! you fellows!"

"Hark! it seems to me that I hear the baron's voice!" said Chamoureau; "he is looking for me.--This way, baron, this way! It's getting dark, and this village isn't lighted with gas as yet."

Croque was tipsy; but as he was accustomed to being in that condition, he was quite firm on his legs, and even essayed to twirl his cane from time to time. However, as he walked toward Chamoureau, he failed to notice rather a deep rut, and he fell at full length in the road.

Thereupon he emitted a string of oaths calculated to appall a carter.

"Bless my soul!" cried Chamoureau, "I believe that Monsieur de Schtapelmerg has made a false step!"

"I am inclined to think that he has fallen altogether," observed Freluchon.

And the two gentlemen went to a.s.sist Croque, who could not succeed in extricating himself from the rut.

"Ah! _cre nom, tarteiff!_ a thousand million colored pipes! What in the devil's the sense of roads like this! this is a vile hole of a place, this village of yours. When you dig holes, you ought to put lamps by 'em. Isn't there any mayor here--_cre coquin_?"

"I hope you're not hurt, my dear baron?"

"_Ouiche!_ do I ever hurt myself? I've fallen farther than that--when I jumped from a first-floor, yes, and a second-floor window!"

"Take hold of me, monsieur; there, that's right."

"Hallo! there's somebody else! is it neighbor Luminot?"

"No, dear baron, it isn't our neighbor Luminot; it's one of my friends from Paris, Freluchon, who has come down this evening so as to come to our fete to-morrow."

"Oh! it seems he was afraid of missing the coach, was friend Tirebouchon!"

"I didn't say Tirebouchon, baron, but Freluchon."

"And if I should choose to murder your name, monsieur," retorted the diminutive youth, "I might call you something extremely vulgar!"

Croque, who was once more on his feet, rubbed his nose and strove to recover his self-possession, muttering:

"Monsieur, I had no intention--I didn't mean--however, a name's a name, and after all, if I've offended you--ten thousand sauerkrauts! I am all here; I don't retreat, at cards or at table."

"Monsieur le baron, I am persuaded that you do not retreat anywhere; but you have not offended me; call me Tirebouchon if it amuses you, and I will join in the laughter."

"A thousand kirschwa.s.sers! if you're not satisfied----"

"But I tell you, on the contrary, that I am perfectly satisfied. I am not like Chamoureau, who doesn't want to be called by his own name."

"Cha--Cha--Chamou--what's that you say? De Belleville's name is Chamou?"

"Formerly--before my marriage," stammered Chamoureau, "I may have had another name, but the moment I dropped it, I ceased to have it!"

"I say, that's a good one! My sister didn't tell me that, the hussy!"