Continuous Vaudeville Part 15

There was a deep sigh of relief went up from the whole room, a sigh which swelled to an almost articulate cry of joy as Mother-in-law chimed in, "I think I will too."

The two sisters voted with the majority and George made it unanimous.

Every person in the room, guests, musicians and waiters, as if they could not really believe it yet, watched the drinks brought, and disposed of. Then Mother arose and majestically and calmly led her little flock to the door and out on to the street again. As the parade turned on to Broadway, George looked back, and every doorway and window in Bohemia was crowded with faces. And as the cavalcade pa.s.sed from sight the Orchestra struck up their wild discordant clamor, the voices and the laughter broke out again, and Bohemia became herself again.

One day in June three sweet country Maids Decided at home no more they'd reside.

So all three together sat out on a tramp And the tramp died.

I asked the old Gate Tender at a park in Columbus, Ohio, what time the electric cars left for the city.

"Quarter past--half past--quarter of and 'at,'" he replied.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Vengeance Is Mine."]

Gene Ellsworth (Ellsworth & Burt) was playing the part of Dunston Kirk in the play of _Hazel Kirk_. At the end of the last act Dunston, who is supposed to be blind, strikes down the villain with his cane. On this occasion, just as 'Gene had his cane raised to strike him, a horseshoe fell from the flies above, struck the villain square on the top of the head, and knocked him cold. 'Gene saw the climax of his scene going, but quick as a flash raised his hand on high and said solemnly,

"Struck down by the hand of an outraged Providence."

[Ill.u.s.tration: One Sure (?) Fire Revolver.]

James J. Corbett was indulging in one of his semi-annual attacks of acting, and it came along to a place where the villain was to say--

"Then die, you dog," and shoot Jim, who fell, wounded, to the floor.

Upon this occasion the villain spoke the line, pulled the trigger, and Jim fell. _But the gun did not go off._ Instantly Jim raised himself on his elbow and said in agonized tones--

"My G.o.d; shot with an air gun."

Mrs. Filson (Filson & Errol) had lost a ring in the Pullman car; after quite a search the porter found it and brought it to her.

"My Goodness, Lady," he said, "but you certainly is mighty lucky; there was some acters in this cyar las' night, an' ef one of _them_ had found it--_good-by ring_."

BREAKS

Marshall P. Wilder had just come off the stage at Shea's in Buffalo. His act had not gone at all to suit him, and he stood shaking his head and wondering what was the matter. A big, fat acrobat who was closing the show noticed him and said,

"What's the trouble, Kid?"

"I don't know," said Wilder, "but I can't seem to make them laugh."

"Augh, don't you worry about that; you ain't supposed to; you draw 'em in; _we'll_ make 'em laugh."

A girl who was opening the show at Keith's Providence house stood in the wings watching the Four Fords in their wonderful dancing act. At the end they came off, panting and gasping from their violent exercise. The girl watched them a moment pityingly, then said,

"Tough work, ain't it? I used to do all that stuff; but I found there wasn't any money in it, and I cut it out."

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Give 'Em the Gravy."]

Robert Hilliard came off the stage at the Fifth Avenue Theater in New York; the house was small and he had not gone very well. A big, rough, knockabout comedian stood waiting his own turn to go on, and seeing Hilliard looked worried, said to him,

"What's the matter, Bo?"

"They did not seem to care much for my offering," said Hilliard.

"Why sure they don't; you don't hand it to 'em right. Give 'em the Gravy, Cull, give 'em the Gravy. _I do._"

William Hawtry had made his debut in Vaudeville and his friends at the Lambs' Club were asking him how he liked it.

"Well," said Mr. Hawtry, "I must say I found the audience very responsive; and the theater employes were very kind; but I met some of the strangest people, among the Artists, that I ever saw."

Upon being asked wherein they were strange, he replied,

"Why, there is a fellow dressing with me who has the largest diamonds and the dirtiest underwear I ever saw."

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEW YORK AND CANANDAIGUA

We were touring in our auto from New Hamps.h.i.+re out to Buffalo. For several days everything had gone well. And then, within ninety miles of Buffalo, everything went wrong at once. I had had two blow-outs the previous day, and had bought two casings. Then, just as we were coming into Canandaigua my whole transmission went. This was ten or twelve years ago, and the nearest thing Canandaigua had to a garage was a tin shop. I got the car pulled in under a wagon shed and put in eighteen hours building a new transmission out of an old copper pump and a rainspout.

Buying the two casings had "broke" me, and now I had a two-days' hotel bill for four people, and nothing to pay it with. Fine! But with my most winning way I went up to the desk and said to the old landlord,

"Mr. Landlord, I am in rather an embarra.s.sing fix. I owe you a bill and I have no money."

The landlord was a quaint, silent old fellow, with thick gla.s.ses and a very disconcerting stare. He now used this stare hard and said nothing.

So I hastened to add--