Why Marry? Part 17

JUDGE

[_jumps_]

What do _you_ know about that?

HELEN

I know all about it! [_Others jump._] I have been reading up on the subject.

[_All relax, relieved, but now gather about the young woman._

THEODORE } } Come now, simply because many young people } rush into marriage without thinking-- } } } LUCY } [_Together_]

} Simply because these New Women-- } } } JOHN } } Simply because one marriage in a } thousand ends in divorce-- }

HELEN

Wait!... One in a thousand? Dear me, what an idealist you are, John! In America, one marriage in every eleven now ends in divorce. And yet you wonder why I hesitate.

JOHN

One in eleven--rot! [_To JUDGE._] All this muck-raking should be suppressed by the Government. "One in eleven!" Bah!

HELEN

[_demurely_]

The Government's own statistics, John.

[_They all turn to the JUDGE for denial, but he nods confirmation, with a complacent smile, murmuring: "Two souls with but a single thought."_

LUCY

[_sweetly knitting_]

Well, I may be old-fas.h.i.+oned, but it seems to _me_ that nice girls shouldn't _think_ of such things.... Their husbands will tell them all they ought to know about marriage--after they're married.

HELEN

Ah, I see. Nice girls mustn't think until after they rush in, but they mustn't rush in until after they think. You married people make it all so simple for us.

JUDGE

Right! The way to cure all evil is for nice people to close their minds and mouths to it. It's "unpleasant" for a pure mind, and it "leaves a bad taste in the mouth." So there you are, my dear.

JOHN

[_coming in strong_]

Oh, talk, talk, talk! I've had enough. See here, young lady, I offered to pay all your expenses abroad for a year. You didn't seem to appreciate it--well, the trustees of the inst.i.tute are now to give Doctor Hamilton a year abroad. How do you like that?

[_All turn and look at HELEN._

HELEN

Splendid! Just what he needs! Doctor Metchnikoff told me in Paris that America always kills its big men with routine. When do we start?

[_She tries to look very businesslike._

JOHN

[_springing to his feet_]

"We!" Do you think _you_ are going?

HELEN

Of course! I'm his a.s.sistant--quite indispensable to him.... [_To all._]

Oh, well, if you don't believe me, ask him!

JOHN

[_pacing to and fro_]

What next! Paris! Alone, with a man!--Here's where I call a halt!

HELEN

But if my work calls me, I don't really see what you have to say about it, John.

JOHN

Better not defy me, Helen.