My Neighbor Raymond Part 41

Introduced by Raymond, you will be welcome."

"Do you think that I might venture?"

"Why, of course! So long as a man is hilarious and tells amusing stories, he's sure of being well received at Grandmaison's; that's why he's so fond of me."

"Oh! if it's only a matter of providing amus.e.m.e.nt, I promise you some for this evening."

"You're our man; it's agreed, then. Meet me at the Cafe Anglais at ten o'clock; that's the hour of meeting."

"I will be there, I give you my word."

"But if you will accept my advice, you'll take a little orange-flower water to calm your nerves."

"Never fear! I shan't have another attack."

"Good-bye, then, until ten o'clock to-night!"

Raymond left me, and I reflected long upon all that I had learned. The woman was Caroline; I could not doubt it; and yet a feeble ray of hope still gleamed in the depths of my heart. I determined to go to her, but to conceal my feelings, and to try, if possible, to read her heart, to detect her treachery in her eyes. But, above all, I would be sensible, philosophical, and try to penetrate myself with the truth of these two lines:

"Let dandies rage, let fools cry lack-a-day; The wise man, cozened, silent goes away."

XXII

THE LITTLE SUPPER PARTY

I arrived at her apartment. My appearance did not seem to embarra.s.s her; she greeted me with a smile and spoke to me as usual. Could it be that I had suspected her wrongfully? But she did not observe my agitation! The secret excitement which I strove to conceal would not have escaped the eyes of love! They see everything, divine everything! And Caroline asked me no questions, although I was on fire and talked at random; although I was momentarily on the point of exploding and could hardly refrain from outward manifestations of the torments I was undergoing!--No, she did not love me.

I told her that I intended to pa.s.s the day with her. I fancied that I could detect embarra.s.sment in her glance; but she speedily recovered herself.

"You always give me pleasure by staying with me," she said at last, in that soft voice which had fascinated me at our meeting on the boulevard.

Ah! such voices are as deceitful as the others!

In vain did I try to compose my features and a.s.sume a cheerful air; I could not manage it. I felt as if something were choking me, suffocating me. I had had that feeling so often!--I went to the window, but instantly turned away; I must not run the risk of being recognized in the evening. Oh! what a tedious day it was! I put forward the dinner hour; never, I think, was a dinner so dreary to me! Caroline complained of a headache; but I did not complain. If I could only have made love to her! I tried; but her replies seemed commonplace beyond words to me. A conversation between two people who have ceased to love each other is woefully stupid.

I suggested that we go to the theatre. She declined; her headache was growing worse, and she felt very uncomfortable.

"Perfidious creature!" I said to myself; "I understand! Why not say to me frankly: 'I no longer love you'? I should be less angry with you if you did that. But, no, falsehood and dissimulation must needs be added to inconstancy; you must always deceive us!"

"Would you like me to stay with you?" I asked, pretending to be anxious about her health.

"No, no, thanks! All I need is rest; I shall have forgotten all about it to-morrow."

She could not conceal the fright caused by my proposition, which would have upset all her plans. It was in my power to prevent their execution that evening by remaining with her; but what would the result be? I should simply postpone the catastrophe, and I should not have the pleasure of confounding her an hour or two hence! Ah! I had no desire to postpone that moment! I wished that it had already arrived. When we know that we are to undergo a painful trial, the moments that precede it are more cruel than those that follow it.

The clock struck eight; she went to bed, in order to try to sleep. That was the signal for me to retire. I bade her good-night. She came to me to kiss me; she pressed my hand, and her eyes were dry, her heart beat no faster!--I left the house; it was high time, for I was on the point of breaking out!

I was not sorry to have two hours before me previous to meeting Raymond.

I had time to calm myself and to decide what course to pursue. I felt at once that the fresh air did me good. I have had that experience hundreds of times; an atmosphere more or less heavy has a great influence on our way of looking at things, especially when we are so unfortunate as to have excitable nerves. A little rain, a little wind, calms or arouses our pa.s.sions; those which are natural are submissive to nature, and, thank heaven! I know no other pa.s.sions and do not agree with those persons who declare that all pa.s.sions are natural.

For my sake she left her aunt, her little Jules, and many others! Why should she not leave me as well? She had ceased to love me: that was not a crime. But she had deceived me: that, I believe, was what distressed me most; for it humiliates one to be deceived, especially when one is old enough one's self to deceive.

However, such a liaison is bound to end, a little sooner or later. What did it matter? I was no longer in love with her. That, I believe, was why I was so incensed with her. I was vexed because I had allowed her to antic.i.p.ate me. Love forgives many things that self-esteem refuses to forgive.

If Nicette should deceive me! then, I felt that my grief would be a very different matter. I remembered how disturbed, how agitated, I was when I learned that she had taken a shop; and yet, I was only her friend. I tried to think of Nicette; that was the best remedy for Caroline's treatment of me.

I walked the whole length of the boulevards. I had had time to reason with myself, and I had fully decided upon my course of action. I realized what an idiot a man must be to torment himself over the treachery of a woman who has thrown others over for him. Indeed, how can one rely on the word of a person who has no other guaranty to offer than previous infidelities.

I decided, therefore, to amuse myself at Mademoiselle Caroline's expense. That is the most satisfactory vengeance one can wreak on a woman who deceives one. Every vengeance which savors of hatred, jealousy, or anger denotes a lingering remnant of love; it is not real vengeance.

At ten o'clock I was at the Cafe Anglais. I ordered a gla.s.s of punch, pending Raymond's arrival. I did not propose to muddle my wits, but I desired to attain that degree of excitement which makes one less sensible of the folly of other people. My neighbor appeared, in the careful neglige of a lady killer. One would have thought, from his radiant expression, that he was the hero of the evening's festivities.

"We shall have great sport," he said, taking a seat by my side, and resting his elbow on the next table, regardless of the fact that he put it in the dish of rice and milk of an old habitue.

"What the devil, monsieur! be careful what you're doing!" said the old gentleman, putting down his newspaper. Raymond apologized profusely, and removed his thoroughly drenched elbow from the bowl with such vivacity that he rolled it onto the white trousers of a dandy who was reading the _Journal des Modes_.

The dandy made a great outcry, the old habitue scolded Raymond roundly, and I saw that his apologies would soon bring matters to a climax. As I did not propose that any fresh sc.r.a.pe should interfere with our going to Monsieur de Grandmaison's, I made haste to intervene, striving to pacify the two gentlemen and to restore peace. I succeeded at last, and, dreading some new mishap, I dragged Raymond out of the cafe.

"The evening seems to open inauspiciously," I said, as I led him toward Rue Caumartin.

"Pshaw! far from it! this incident promises sport. It wasn't my fault that that old politician stuck his rice right under my arm; he ought to have eaten it, instead of reading his newspaper; and then it wouldn't have happened.--But it's half-past ten; let's make haste; I'll bet they're waiting for us."

"For you, you mean."

"Oh! I wrote Grandmaison a line to tell him I should bring one of my friends; so he expects you."

We arrived at Rue Caumartin and entered a pretentious mansion; it was directly opposite Caroline's rooms. We ascended a superb staircase; we pa.s.sed through several antechambers, lighted by globes suspended from the ceiling, where half a dozen lackeys were yawning. Everything denoted opulence and ostentation. I had not all that to offer her. I had thought that I was doing a great deal for her: I had straitened myself and run into debt; and what had I to show for it?--Ah! I was not likely to forget my experience as a protector!

My heart beat fast as I drew near the little salon where the company awaited us; but I soon recovered my self-possession. We entered the room, where I saw four men, but the host was not among them.

"Ah! good-evening, my friends!" said Raymond, running from one to another of the guests to shake hands. "Allow me to present a friend of mine, a good fellow, who has a fancy to enjoy himself with us to-night.--But where's Grandmaison?"

"In the boudoir; he's taming his pet before supper."

"Ah! to be sure! to be sure! they are making their final arrangements, perfecting their agreement. Have you seen her, messieurs?"

"Not yet. They say she's charming!"

"Fascinating; and almost a novice!"

"The deuce! that's a marvel!"

"So Grandmaison wishes us to be less indecent than usual."

"Good! We'll proceed by degrees, so as not to frighten her. But still, this little one must be trained, and, really, Grandmaison is not the man to do it!"