Peregrine's Progress Part 31

"I was not!"

"Oh!" he exclaimed, "then if not, why not? Yah, ye can't gammon me!

She's a Eve, ain't she, an' all Eves loves a bit o' kissy-cuddly. An'

she looks a nice warm armful, so why not try? Better soon nor late!"

"What d' you mean?" I demanded, trembling with indignation.

"I mean as she's a Eve, an' all Eves loves a bit o' kissy-cuddly an'--"

"That will do!" cried I, clenching my fists. "I've told you I can purchase none of your wares, so pray have the goodness to cease your importunities and go."

"Go?" said the Peddler. "An' why should I go? I ain't a-trespa.s.sin' on your private property, am I? No, because 'tis a public 'ighway. Very good! An' England's a free country, ain't it? It is! Very good again!

I ain't a-goin' to go until I wants to go; you can't make me go nor n.o.body else. So 'ere I waits till your Eve comes back. An' why? 'Cause if you ain't got no money--she 'as, I'll lay, an' I've ribbands an'

laces, rings an' garters as no Eve can say 'No' to. Besides, she looks a fine gal as Eves go, an' there's enough o' the old Adam inside o' me to--"

"Are you going?" I demanded.

"Not me!" he answered, turning to spit at a b.u.t.terfly that hovered near. "I'm a free-born Briton, I am, as scorns the furrin' yoke!"

Hereupon I rose, that is to say, I forced my unwilling body upon my shaking legs and faced him.

"Then I must do my best to make you!" said I, with as much stern resolution in voice and look as I could summon.

"What--you?" exclaimed the Peddler, regarding me with eye of scorn.

"You--eh?" he repeated. "Well, burn my neck, there's imperence for ye!"

"Put up your hands!" said I.

"What--fight, is it?"

"It is!" said I. "Unless you prefer to depart immediately."

"Well, twist my innards!" exclaimed the Peddler, laying aside his brooms. "The owdacious young willin'! Wants t' fight! An' 'im sich a young whipper-snapper!"

He was a middle-aged man, squat of figure with short, plump legs, but I thought him formidable enough and felt the old nauseating fear growing upon me as I watched the determined manner in which he prepared for the approaching combat. Having removed his pack and the multifarious articles that draped his person, he took off his coat, folded it neatly and laid it by, which done, he slowly rolled up his s.h.i.+rt sleeves, eyeing me fiercely and scowling portentously the while.

Now as I watched him, my sweating palms tight-clenched, my jaws hard-locked to prevent my teeth from chattering, the thought occurred to me that the hurts I was about to endure and endeavour to inflict should not only save Diana from evil, but might also prove to her (and myself) if I were indeed possessed of that thing she called 'game-pluck.'

At this moment my opponent rapped himself soundly upon the chest and nodded fiercely; quoth he:

"I'm a-goin' t' gi'e ye two more black heyes to start wi', and 'aving draw'd your claret an' knocked out a tusk or so, I'll finish the job by leatherin' ye wi' one o' my best leather belts wi' a fine, steel buckle made in Brum--"

But here I launched myself at him and, forgetting all caution in my trembling eagerness, beset the fellow with a wild hurly-burly of random blows, one or two of which found their mark, judging by his grunts; then his fist crashed into my ribs, driving me reeling back so that I should have fallen but for the friendly tree. This steadied me (in more senses than one) for in this moment I remembered Diana's admonition, and, seeing him rush in to finish me, I stepped aside and as his fist shot by my ear, I smote him flush upon the side of his bristly chin; and lo, to my wonder and fearful joy, he spun round and came violently to earth in a sitting posture! For a moment he sat thus, staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular; then I stepped forward and tendered him my hand.

"What now?" he gasped.

"Let me help you up!" I panted.

"Whaffor?" he demanded.

"That I may--knock you down again--as speedily as possible," I answered.

"Not me!" he answered, feeling his chin in gentle, tentative fas.h.i.+on.

"I'm jolted sufficient an' the ground's danged 'ard 'ereabouts! An'

wot's more--why, burn my neck--it's Anna!" he broke off and pointed with stubby finger. Turning about, I beheld Diana on the other side of the hedge. And she was looking at me!

"Ha, well done, Peregrine!" she exclaimed; at which, and because of the expression in her eyes, I felt again that strange sense of joyous exhilaration which had thrilled me once before, insomuch that I felt almost sorry the combat was ended so soon. Then, before I might aid her, she was through the hedge and shaking my hand as a man might have done.

"Lord love me!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the Peddler, scrambling to his feet. "So you've turned into a Eve at last, 'ave yer, Anna? You as couldn't abide a man! An' 'ere you be in a nice little garden o' Eden along o'

your Adam, eh? Found yourself a lad at last for kissy-cuddly, eh? You as was so prim! What'll folks say when I tell 'em?"

"That you'm a liar, Gabbing d.i.c.k, as big a liar as ever you was."

"When I tells folk as Anna's took up wi' a lad at last--an' 'im such a whipper-snapper! When I tell 'em as 'ow you--"

"That's enough!" cried I pa.s.sionately. "Take your things and go before I endeavour to kill you--"

"Lord, Peregrine!" said Diana, viewing me in big-eyed wonder. "'T is only Gabbing d.i.c.k, and he must talk dirt, but n.o.body minds."

"Well, I do, and if he doesn't depart immediately--"

"Depart's th' word!" nodded the Peddler, and taking up his pack he adjusted it, shouldered his brooms and then paused to spit thoughtfully. "What'll folk say when I tell 'em as I see you kissy-cuddlin' a whipper-snapper--"

Clenching my fists I took a step towards him; saw him shrink away, staring, not at me, but the knife in Diana's hand.

"Hop, d.i.c.k, hop!" said she, making the blade flash and glitter evilly, whereupon the fellow, clutching his wares, made off with sudden alacrity; but being at a distance he stopped and turned.

"I 'opes," he cried, "I do 'ope as your Adam tires o' ye an' leaves ye despairin'--danged soon, an' that's for you, Anna! An' I 'opes as she pokes out both your eyes for ye--both on 'em, mind--an' that's for you, young whipper-snapper!"

Then he spat towards us, nodded, and hasted off along the road.

"And now, let's have dinner!" said Diana.

"Dinner?" I repeated, frowning after my late antagonist.

"Beef, Peregrine!"

CHAPTER XX

OF THE TONGUE OF A WOMAN AND THE FEET OF A G.o.dDESS

Roast beef is now, has been, and probably will be, long acclaimed and proclaimed by every true-born Englishman as his own peculiar diet; _vide_ the old song:

"When mighty Roast Beef was the Englishman's food It enn.o.bled our hearts and enriched our blood.