The Merry Wives of Windsor Part 2

There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is 125 myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

_Page._ We three, to hear it and end it between them.

_Evans._ Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause 130 with as great discreetly as we can.

_Fal._ Pistol!

_Pist._ He hears with ears.

_Evans._ The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He hears with ear'? why, it is affectations. 135

_Fal._ Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

_Slen._ Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two s.h.i.+lling and two pence a-piece of 140 Yead Miller, by these gloves.

_Fal._ Is this true, Pistol?

_Evans._ No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

_Pist._ Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine, 145 I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

Word of denial in thy labras here!

Word of denial: froth and sc.u.m, thou liest!

_Slen._ By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

_Nym._ Be avised, sir, and pa.s.s good humours: I will 150 say 'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it.

_Slen._ By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an a.s.s. 155

_Fal._ What say you, Scarlet and John?

_Bard._ Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

_Evans._ It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

_Bard._ And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cas.h.i.+ered; 160 and so conclusions pa.s.sed the careires.

_Slen._ Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, G.o.dly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of G.o.d, and not 165 with drunken knaves.

_Evans._ So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

_Fal._ You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

_Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following._

_Page._ Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink 170 within. [_Exit Anne Page._

_Slen._ O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

_Page._ How now, Mistress Ford!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [_Kisses her._ 175

_Page._ Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

[_Exeunt all except Shal., Slen., and Evans._

_Slen._ I had rather than forty s.h.i.+llings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here. 180

_Enter SIMPLE._

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?

_Sim._ Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore 185 Michaelmas?

_Shal._ Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me? 190

_Slen._ Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason.

_Shal._ Nay, but understand me.

_Slen._ So I do, sir.

_Evans._ Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will 195 description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

_Slen._ Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

_Evans._ But that is not the question: the question is 200 concerning your marriage.

_Shal._ Ay, there's the point, sir.

_Evans._ Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

_Slen._ Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable 205 demands.

_Evans._ But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth.

Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the 210 maid?

_Shal._ Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

_Slen._ I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.

_Evans._ Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must 215 speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

_Shal._ That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

_Slen._ I will do a greater thing than that, upon your 220 request, cousin, in any reason.

_Shal._ Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?