Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honor Part 97

Then how on earth do you occupy your leisure?

d.i.c.k.

For the last three months I've been laboriously piecing together the fragments of a broken heart.

MRS. CROWLEY.

If you hadn't been so certain that I was going to accept you, I should never have refused. I couldn't resist the temptation of saying "No" just to see how you took it.

d.i.c.k.

I flatter myself that I took it very well.

MRS. CROWLEY.

You didn't. You showed an entire lack of humour. You might have known that a nice woman doesn't marry a man the first time he asks her. It's making oneself too cheap. It was very silly of you to go off to Scotland as if you didn't care.... How was I to know that you meant to wait three months before asking me again?

d.i.c.k.

I haven't the least intention of asking you again.

MRS. CROWLEY.

Then why in heaven's name did you invite me to tea?

d.i.c.k.

May I respectfully remind you, first, that you invited yourself ...

MRS. CROWLEY.

[_Interrupting._] You're so irrelevant.

d.i.c.k.

And, secondly, that an invitation to tea is not necessarily accompanied by a proposal of marriage.

MRS. CROWLEY.

I'm afraid you're lamentably ignorant of the usages of good society.

d.i.c.k.

I a.s.sure you it's not done in the best circles.

MRS. CROWLEY.

[_With a little pout._] I shall be very cross with you in a minute.

d.i.c.k.

Why?

MRS. CROWLEY.

Because you're not behaving at all prettily.

d.i.c.k.

D'you know what I'd do if I were you? Propose to me.

MRS. CROWLEY.

Oh, I couldn't do anything so immodest.

d.i.c.k.

I have registered a vow that I will never offer my hand and heart to any woman again.

MRS. CROWLEY.

On the head of your maternal grandmother?

d.i.c.k.

Oh no, far more serious than that. On the grave of my maiden aunt, who left me all my money.

MRS. CROWLEY.

What will you say if I do?

d.i.c.k.

That depends entirely on how you do it. I may remind you, however, that first you go down on your bended knees.

MRS. CROWLEY.

Oh, I waived that with you.

d.i.c.k.

And then you confess you're unworthy of me.

MRS. CROWLEY.

Mr. Lomas, I am a widow. I am twenty-nine and extremely eligible. My maid is a treasure. My dressmaker is charming. I am clever enough to laugh at your jokes, and not so learned as to know where they come from.

d.i.c.k.