Pointed Roofs: Pilgrimage Part 30

"You are brought here together, each and all of you here together in the time of your youth. It is, it should be for you the most beautiful occasion. Can you find anything more terrible than that such occasion where all may work and influence each other--for all life--in purity and goodness--that such occasion should be used--impurely? Like a dawn, like a dawn for purity should be the life of a maiden. Calm, and pure and with holy prayer."

Miriam repeated these words in her mind trying to dwell on the beauty of Fraulein's middle tones. "And the day shall come, I shall wish, for all of you, that the sanct.i.ty of a home shall be within your hands. What then shall be the shame, what the regret of those who before the coming of that sacred time did think thoughts of men, did speak of them?

_Shame, shame,"_ whispered Fraulein amidst the sobbing girls.

"With the thoughts of those who have this impure nature I can do nothing. For them it is freely to acknowledge this evil in the heart and to pray that the heart may be changed and made clean.

"But a thing I can do and I do.... I will have no more of this talking.

In my school I will have no more.... Do you hear, all? Do you hear?"

She struck the table with both fists and brandished them in mid-air.

"Eh-h," she sneered. "I know, _I_ know who are the culprits. I have always known." She gasped. "It shall cease--these talks--this vile talk of men. Do you understand? It shall cease. I--will--not--have it.... The school shall be clean... from pupil to pupil... from room to room....

Every day... every hour.... Shameless!" she screamed. "Shameless. Ah!

I know. I know you." She stood with her arms folded, swaying, and gave a little laugh. "You think to deceive me. You do not deceive me. I know. I have known and I shall know. This school is mine. Mine! My place! I will have it as I will have it. That is clear and plain, and you all shall help me. I shall say no more. But I shall know what to do."

Mechanically Miriam went downstairs with the rest of the party. With the full force of her nerves she resisted the echoes of Fraulein's onslaught, refusing to think of anything she had said and blotting out her image every time it rose. The essential was that she would be dismissed as Mademoiselle had been dismissed. That was the upshot of it all for her. Fraulein was a mad, silly, pious female who would send her away and go on glowering over the Bible. She would have to go, go, _go_ in a sort of disgrace.

The girls were talking all round her, excitedly. She despised them for showing that they were disturbed by Fraulein's despotic nonsense. As they reached the bas.e.m.e.nt she remembered the letter crushed in her hand and sat down on the last step to glance through it.

12

"Dearest Mim. I have a wonderful piece of news for you. I wonder what you will say? It is about Harriett. She has asked me to tell you as she does not like to write about it herself."

With steady hands Miriam turned the closely-written sheets reading a phrase here and there... "regularly in the seat behind us at All Saints'

for months--saw her with the Pooles at a concert at the a.s.sembly Rooms and made up his mind then--the moment he saw her--joined the tennis-club--they won the double handicap--a beautiful Slazenger racquet--only just over sixteen--for years--of course Mother says it's just a little foolish nonsense--but I am not sure that she really thinks so--Gerald took me into his confidence--made a solemn call--_admirably_ suited to each other--rather a long melancholy good-looking face--they look such a contrast--the big Canadian Railway--not exactly a clerk--something rather above that, to do with making drafts of things and so on. Very sweet and charming--my own young days--that I have reached the great age of twenty-three--resident post in the country--two little girls--we think it very good pay--I shall go in September--plenty of time--that you should come home for the long holidays. We are all looking forward to it--the tennis-club--your name as a holiday member--the American tournament in August--Harry was the youngest lady member like you--of course Harry could not let you come without knowing--find somebody travelling through--Fraulein Pfaff--expect to see you looking like a flour-sack with a string tied round its waist--all the dwarf roses in bloom--hardly any strawberries--we shall see you soon--everybody sends."

Miriam got up and swung the half-read letter above her head like a dumb-bell.

She looked about her like a stranger--everything was as it had been the day she came--the little cramped bas.e.m.e.nt hall--the strange German girls--small and old looking, poking about amongst the baskets. She hardly knew them. She pa.s.sed half-blindly amongst them with her eyes wide. The little dressing-room seemed full of bright light. She saw everyone at once clearly. All the English girls were there. She knew every line of each of them. They were her old friends. They knew her.

Looking at none of them she felt she embraced them all, closely, and that they knew it. They shone. They were beautiful. She wanted to cry aloud. She was English and free. She had nothing to do with this German school. Baskets at her feet made her pick her way. Solomon was kneeling at one, sorting and handing out. At a little table under the window Millie stood jotting pencil notes on a pocket-book. Judy was at her side. The others were grouped about the piano. Gertrude sat on the keyboard her legs dangling.

Miriam plumped down on a full basket.

"Hullo, Hendy, old chap, _you_ look all right!"

Miriam looked fearlessly up at the faces that were turned towards her.

Again she seemed to see all of them at once. The circle of her vision seemed huge. It was as if the confining rim of her gla.s.ses were gone and she saw equally from eyes that seemed to fill her face. She drew all their eyes to her. They were waiting for her to speak. For a moment it seemed as if they stood there lifeless. She had drawn all their meaning and all their happiness into herself. She could do as she wished with them--their poor little lives.

They stood waiting for some word from her. She dropped her eyes and caught the flash of Gertrude's swinging steel buckles.

"Wasn't Fraulein angry?" she said carelessly.

Someone pushed the door to.

"Sly old bird."

"Fancy imagining we shouldn't see through Mademoiselle leaving."

"H'm," said Miriam.

"I knew Mademoiselle _would_ sneak if she had half a chance."

"Yes, ever since she got so thick with Elsa."

"Oh!--Elsa."

"You bet Fraulein looks down on the two of them in her heart of hearts."

"M'm--she's fairly sick, Jemima, with the lot of us this time."

"Mademoiselle told her some pretty things," laughed Gertrude. "Lily thinks we're lost souls--nearly all of us."

"Onny swaw, my dears, onny swaw."

"It's all very well. But there's no knowing what Mademoiselle would make her believe. She'd got reams about you, Hendy--nothing bad enough."

"H'm," said Miriam, "I can imagine----"

Her thoughts brought back a day when she had shown Mademoiselle the names in her birthday-book and dwelt on one page and let Mademoiselle understand that it was the page--brown eyes--les yeux brunes foncees.

Why did Mademoiselle and Fraulein think that bad--want to spoil it for her? She had said nothing about the confidences of the German girls to anyone. Elsa must have found that out from Clara.

"Oh, well it's all over now. Let's be thankful and think no more about it."

"All very fine, Jemima. You're going home."

"Thank goodness."

"And not coming back. Lucky Pigleinchen."

"Well, so am I," said Miriam, "and I'm not coming back."

"I say! Aren't you coming to Norderney?" Gertrude flashed dark eyes at her.

"Can't you come to Norderney?" said Judy thickly, at her elbow.

"Well, you see there are all sorts of things happening at home. I must go. One of my sisters is engaged and another going away. I _must_ go home for a while. Of course I _might_ come back."

"Think it over, Henderson, and see if you can't decide in our favour."

"We shall have another Miss Owen."

Miriam struggled up out of her basket. "But I thought you all _liked_ Miss Owen!"

"Ho! Goodness! Too simple for words."