Nature and Human Nature Part 37

"'I am not tired, dear.'

"'Well, you don't look well; is anything the matter with you?'

"'I didn't say I wasn't well, and it's very rude to remark on one's looks that way.'

"'Something seems to have put you out of sorts, ma, I will run and call pa. Dear me, I feel frightened. Shall I ask Mrs Bawdon for her salts?'

"'You know very well what's the matter; it's Captain De la Cour.'

"'Well, now, how strange,' said Sarah Matilda. 'I told him he had better go and walk with you; I wanted him to do it; I told him you liked attention. Yes, I knew you would be angry, but it isn't my fault. It ain't, indeed.'

"'Well, I am astonished,' replies the horrified mother. 'I never in all my life. So you told him I liked attention. I, your mother, your father's wife, with my position in societee; and pray what answer did he make to this strange conduct?'

"'He said, No wonder, you were the handsomest woman in town, and so agreeable; the only one fit to talk to.'

"'And you have the face to admit you listened to such stuff?'

"'I could listen all day to it, ma, for I knew it was true. I never saw you look so lovely, the new bishop has improved your appearance amazingly.'

"'Who?' said the mother, with an hysterical scream; 'what do you mean?'

"'The new bustler, ma.'

"'Oh,' said she, quite relieved, 'oh, do you think so?'

"'But what did you want of me, ma?'

"'To fasten my gown, dear, there is a hook come undone.'

"'Coming,' she said, in a loud voice.

"There was n.o.body calling, but somebody ought to have called; so she fastens the hook, and flies back as fast as she came.

"Sarah Matilda, you were not born yesterday; first you put your mother on the defensive, and then you stroked her down with the grain, and made her feel good all over, while you escaped from a scolding you know you deserved. A jealous mother makes an artful daughter. But, Sarah Matilda, one word in your ear. Art ain't cleverness, and cunning ain't understanding. Semblance only answers once; the second time the door ain't opened to it.

"Henrietta is all adrift, too; she is an old maid, and Di nicknamed her 'the old hen.' She has been shamefully neglected today. The young men have been flirting about with those forward young girls--children--mere children, and have not had the civility to exchange a word with her. The old ladies have been whispering gossip all day, and the old gentlemen busy talking about freights, the Fall-catch of mackarel, and s.h.i.+p-building. Nor could their talk have been solely confined to these subjects, for once when she approached them, she heard the head of the firm say:

"'The 'lovely la.s.s' must be thrown down and sc.r.a.ped, for she is so foul, and her knees are all gone.'

"And so she turned away in disgust. Catch her at a pic-nic again! No, never! It appears the world is changed; girls in her day were never allowed to romp that way, and men used to have some manners. Things have come to a pretty pa.s.s!

"'Alida, is that you, dear? You look dull.'

"'Oh, Henrietta! I have torn my beautiful thread-lace mantilla all to rags; it's ruined for ever. And do you know--oh, I don't know how I shall ever dare to face ma again! I have lost her beautiful little enamelled watch. Some of these horrid branches have pulled it off the chain.' And Alida cries and is consoled by Henrietta, who is a good-natured creature after all. She tells her for her comfort that n.o.body should ever think of wearing a delicate and expensive lace mantilla in the woods; she could not expect anything else than to have it destroyed; and as for exposing a beautiful gold watch outside of her dress, n.o.body in her senses would have thought of such a thing. Of course she was greatly comforted: kind words and a kind manner will console any one.

"It is time now to re-a.s.semble, and the party are gathered once more; and the ladies have found their smiles again, and Alida has found her watch; and there are to be some toasts and some songs before parting.

All is jollity once more, and the head of the firm and his vigilant partner and the officers have all a drop in their eye, and Henrietta is addressed by the junior partner, who is a bachelor of about her own age, and who a.s.sures her he never saw her look better; and she looks delighted, and is delighted, and thinks a pic-nic not so bad a thing after all.

"But there is a retributive justice in this world. Even pic-nic parties have their moral, and folly itself affords an example from which a wise saw may be extracted. Captain de Courlay addresses her, and after all, he has the manners and appearance of a gentleman, though it is whispered he is fond of practical jokes, pulls 'colt ensigns' out of bed, makes them go through their sword exercise standing s.h.i.+rtless in their tubs, and so on. There is one redeeming thing in the story, if it be true, he never was known to do it to a young n.o.bleman; he is too well bred for that. He talks to her of society as it was before good-breeding was reformed out of the colonies. She is delighted; but, oh! was it stupidity, or was it insolence, or was it cruelty? he asked her if she recollected the Duke of Kent. To be sure it is only fifty-two years since he was here; but to have recollected him! How old did he suppose she was? She bears it well and meekly. It is not the first time she has been painfully reminded she was not young. She says her grandmother often spoke of him as a good officer and a handsome man; and she laughs, though her heart aches the while, as if it was a good joke to ask her. He backs out as soon as he can. He meant well, though he had expressed himself awkwardly; but to back out shows you are in the wrong stall, a place you have no business in, and being out, he thinks it as well to jog on to another place.

"Ah, Henrietta! you were unkind to Alida about her lace mantilla and her gold watch, and it has come home to you. You ain't made of gla.s.s, and nothing else will hold vinegar long without being corroded itself.

"Well, the toasts are drunk, and the men are not far from being drunk too, and feats of agility are proposed, and they jump up and catch a springing bow, and turn a somerset on it, or over it, and they are cheered and applauded when De Courlay pauses in mid-air for a moment, as if uncertain what to do. Has the bough given way, or was that the sound of cloth rent in twain? Something has gone wrong, for he is greeted with uproarious cheers by the men, and he drops on his feet, and retires from the company as from the presence of royalty, by backing out and bowing as he goes, repeatedly stumbling, and once or twice falling in his retrograde motion.

"Ladies never lose their tact--they ask no questions because they see something is amiss, and though it is hard to subdue curiosity, propriety sometimes restrains it. They join in the general laugh however, for it can be nothing serious where his friends make merry with it. When he retires from view, his health is drank with three times three. Di, who seemed to take pleasure in annoying the spinster, said she had a great mind not to join in that toast, for he was a loose fellow, otherwise he would have rent his heart and not his garments. It is a pity a clever girl like her will let her tongue run that way, for it leads them to say things they ought not. Wit in a woman is a dangerous thing, like a doctor's lancet, it is apt to be employed about matters that offend our delicacy, or hurt our feelings."

"'What the devil is that?' said the head, of the firm, looking up, as a few drops of rain fell. 'Why, here is a thunder-shower coming on us as sure as the world. Come, let us pack up and be off.'

"And the servants are urged to be expeditious, and the sword-knots tumble the gla.s.ses into the baskets, and the cold hams atop of them, and break the decanters, to make them stow better, and the head of the firm swears, and the sleeping partner says she will faint, she could never abide thunder; and Di tells her if she does not want to abide all night, she had better move, and a vivid flash of lightning gives notice to quit, and tears and screams attest the notice is received, and the retreat is commenced; but alas, the carriages are a mile and a half off, and the tempest rages, and the rain falls in torrents, and the thunder stuns them, and the lightning blinds them.

"'What's the use of hurrying?' says Di, 'we are now wet through, and our clothes are spoiled, and I think we might take it leisurely.

Pistol, take my arm, I am not afraid of you now.'

"'Why?'

"'Your powder is wet, and you can't go off. You are quite harmless.

Target, you had better run.'

"'Why?'

"'You will be sure to be hit if you don't--won't he, Trigger?'

"But Pistol, and Target, and Trigger are alike silent. G soft has lost his softness, and lets fall some hard terms. Every one holds down his head, why, I can't understand, because being soaked, that att.i.tude can't dry them.

"'Uncle,' says Di, to the head of the firm, 'you appear to enjoy it, you are b.u.t.toning up your coat as if you wanted to keep the rain in.'

"'I wish you would keep your tongue in,' he said, gruffly.

"'I came for a party of pleasure,' said the unconquerable girl, 'and I think there is great fun in this. Hen, I feel sorry for you, you can't stand the wet as those darling ducks can. Aunt will shake herself directly, and be as dry as an India rubber model.'

"Aunt is angry, but can't answer--every clap of thunder makes her scream. Sarah Matilda has lost her shoe, and the water has closed over it, and she can't find it. 'Pistol, where is your corkscrew? draw it out.'

"'It's all your fault,' sais the sleeping partner to the head of the firm, 'I told you to bring the umbrellas.'

"'It's all yours,' retorts the afflicted husband, 'I told you these things were all nonsense, and more trouble than they were worth.'

"'It's all Hen's fault,' said Di, 'for we came on purpose to bring her out; she has never been at a pic-nic before, and it's holidays now.

Oh! the brook has risen, and the planks are gone, we shall have to wade; Hen, ask those men to go before, I don't like them to see above my ancles.'

"'Catch me at a pic-nic again,' said the terrified spinster.

"'You had better get home from this first, before you talk of another,' sais Di.

"'Oh, Di, Di,' said Henrietta, 'how can you act so?'

"'You may say Di, Di, if you please, dear,' said the tormentor; 'but I never say die--and never will while there is life in me. Letty, will you go to the ball to-night? we shall catch cold if we don't; for we have two miles more of the rain to endure in the open carriages before we reach the steamer, and we shall be chilled when we cease walking.'

"But Letty can do nothing but cry, as if she wasn't wet enough already.