Nature and Human Nature Part 4

And he gave a knowing jupe of his head, as much as to say, ain't that grand?

"Now our new captain is a strait-laced sort of man, you see; but the cantin' fellow of a master you had on board before, warn't above a dodge of this kind. If it comes to the scratch, you must take the command again, for Cutler won't have art nor part in this game; and we may be reformed out afore we know where we are."

"Well," sais I, "there is no occasion, I guess; put us somewhere a little out of sight, and we won't break the treaty no more. I reckon the 'Spitfire,' after all, would just as soon be in port as looking after us. It's small potatoes for a man-of-war to be hunting poor game, like us little fore and afters."

"As you like," he said, "but we are prepared, you see, for the mate and men understand the whole thing. It ain't the first time they have escaped by changing their sign-board."

"Exactly," said I, "a s.h.i.+p ain't like a dog that can only answer to one name; and 'Sary Ann' is as good as the 'Black Hawk,' every mite and morsel. There is a good deal of fun in altering sign-boards. I recollect wunst, when I was a boy, there was a firm to Slickville who had this sign over their shop:

'Gallop and More,

Taylors.'

"Well, one Sat.u.r.day-night brother Josiah and I got a paintbrush, and altered it in this way:

'Gallop and 8 More

Taylors

Make a man.'

"Lord, what a commotion it made. Next day was Sunday; and as the folks were going to church, they stood and laughed and roared like anything.

It made a terrible hulla-bulloo.

"'Sam,' said Minister to me, 'what in natur is all that ondecent noise about so near the church-door.'

"I told him. It was most too much for him, but he bit in his breath, and tried to look grave; but I see a twinkle in his eye, and the corner of his mouth twitch, the way your eyelid does sometimes when a nerve gets a dancing involuntarily.

"'A very foolish joke, Sam,' he said; 'it may get you into trouble.'

"'Why, Minister,' said I, 'I hope you don't think that--'

"'No,' said he, 'I don't think at all, I know it was you, for it's just like you. But it's a foolish joke, for, Sam:

"'Honour and worth from no condition rise--'

"'Exactly,' sais I.

"'St.i.tch well your part, there all the honour lies.'

"'Sam, Sam,' said he, 'you are a bad boy,' and he put on a serious face, and went in and got his gown ready for service.

"The 'Sary Ann' for the 'Black Hawk,'" sais I to myself, "well that ain't bad either; but there are more chests of tea and kegs of brandy, and such like, taken right by the custom-house door at Halifax in loads of hay and straw, than comes by water, just because it is the onlikeliest way in the world any man would do it. But it is only some of the Bay of Fundy boys that are up to that dodge. Smugglers in general haven't the courage to do that. Dear me!" sais I to myself, "when was there ever a law that couldn't be evaded; a tax that couldn't be shuffled off like an old slipper; a prohibition that a smuggler couldn't row right straight through, or a treaty that hadn't more holes in it than a dozen supplemental ones could patch up? It's a high fence that can't be scaled, and a strong one that can't be broke down. When there are accomplices in the house, it is easier to get the door unlocked than to force it. Receivers make smugglers. Where there are not informers, penalties are dead letters. The people here like to see us, for it is their interest, and we are safe as long as they are friendly. I don't want to smuggle, for I scorn such a pettifogin'

business, as Josiah would call it; but I must and will see how the thing works, so as to report it to the President."

"Well, Eldad," sais I, "I leave all this to you. I want to avoid a sc.r.a.pe if I can, so put us in a place of safety, and be careful how you proceed."

"I understand," said he. "Now, Mr Slick, look yonder," pointing towards the sh.o.r.e. "What is that?"

"A large s.h.i.+p under full sail," said I, "but it is curious she has got the wind off sh.o.r.e, and just dead on end to us."

"Are you sure," said he, "it is a s.h.i.+p, for if we get foul of her, we shall be sunk in a moment, and every soul on board perish."

"Is it a cruiser?" sais I; "because if it is, steer boldly for her, and I will go on board of her and show my commission as an officer of our everlastin' nation. Captain," said I, "what is that stranger?"

He paused for a moment, shaded his eyes with his hand, and examined her. "A large square-rigged vessel," he said, "under a heavy press of canvas," and resumed his walk on the deck.

After a while the pilot said: "Look again, Mr Slick, can you make her out now?"

"Why," sais I, "she is only a brigantine; but ask the skipper."

He took his gla.s.s and scrutinized her closely, and as he replaced it in the binnacle said: "We are going to have southerly weather I think; she loomed very large when I first saw her, and I took her for a s.h.i.+p; but now she seems to be an hermaphrodite. It's of no consequence to us however what she is, and we shall soon near her."

"Beyond that vessel," said the pilot, "there is a splendid harbour, and as there has been a head wind for some time, I have no doubt there are many coasters in there, from the masters of whom you can obtain much useful information on the object of your visit, while we can drive a profitable trade among them and the folks ash.o.r.e. How beautifully these harbours are situated," he continued, "for carrying on the fisheries, and Nova Scotian though I be, I must say, I do think in any other part of the world there would be large towns here."

"I think so too, Eldad," sais I, "but British legislation is at the bottom of all your misfortunes, after all, and though you are as lazy as sloths, and as idle as that fellow old Blowhard saw, who lay down on the gra.s.s all day to watch the vessels pa.s.sing, and observe the motion of the crows, the English, by breaking up your monopoly of inter-colonial and West India trade and throwing it open to us, not only without an equivalent, but in the face of our prohibitory duties, are the cause of all your poverty and stagnation. They are rich and able to act like fools if they like in their own affairs, but it was a cruel thing to sacrifice you, as they have done, and deprive you of the only natural carrying trade and markets you had. The more I think of it the less I blame you. It is a wicked mockery to lock men up, and then taunt them with want of enterprise, and tell them they are idle."

"Look at that vessel again, Sir," said Eldad; "she don't make much headway, does she?"

"Well, I took the gla.s.s again and examined her minutely, and I never was so stumpt in my life.

"Pilot," said I, "is that the same vessel?"

"The identical," said he.

"I vow to man," sais I, "as I am a livin' sinner, that is neither a s.h.i.+p, nor a brigantine, nor a hermaphrodite, but a topsail schooner, that's a fact. What in natur' is the meanin' of all this? Perhaps the captain knows," so I called him again.

"Cutler, that vessel is transmografied again," sais I; "look at her."

"Pooh," said he, "that's not the same vessel at all. The two first we saw are behind that island. That one is nothing but a coaster. You can't take me in, Slick. You are always full of your fun, and taking a rise out of some one or another, and I shall be glad when we land, you will then have some one else to practise on."

In a short time the schooner vanished, and its place was supplied by a remarkable white cliff, which from the extraordinary optical delusion it occasions gives its name to the n.o.ble port which is now called s.h.i.+p Harbour. I have since mentioned this subject to a number of mariners, and have never yet heard of a person who was not deceived in a similar manner. As we pa.s.sed through the narrows, we entered a s.p.a.cious and magnificent basin, so completely land-locked that a fleet of vessels of the largest size may lay there unmoved by any wind. There is no haven in America to be compared with it.

"You are now safe," said the pilot; "it is only twelve leagues from Halifax, and n.o.body would think of looking for you here. The fact is, the nearer you hide the safer you be."

"Exactly," sais I; "what you seek you can't find, but when you ain't looking for a thing, you are sure to stumble on it."

"If you ever want to run goods, Sir," said he, "the closer you go to the port the better. Smugglers ain't all up to this, so they seldom approach the lion's den, but go farther and fare worse. Now we may learn lessons from dumb animals. They know we reason on probabilities, and therefore always do what is improbable. "We think them to be fools, but they know that we are. The fox sees we always look for him about his hole, and therefore he carries on his trade as far from it, and as near the poultry yard, as possible. If a dog kills sheep, and them Newfoundlanders are most uncommon fond of mutton, I must say, he never attacks his neighbour's flock, for he knows he would be suspected and had up for it, but sets off at night, and makes a foray like the old Scotch on the distant borders.

"He washes himself, for marks of blood is a bad sign, and returns afore day, and wags his tail, and runs round his master, and looks up into his face as innocent as you please, as much as to say, 'Squire, here I have been watchin' of your property all this live-long night, it's dreadful lonely work, I do a.s.sure you, and oh, how glad I am to see the s.h.i.+ne of your face this morning.'