Vivian Grey Part 11

The dismayed young gentleman of the Foreign Office was about to mince a repartee, when Vivian left his seat, for he had a great deal of business to transact. "Mr. Leverton," said he, accosting a flouris.h.i.+ng grazier, "I have received a letter from my friend, M. De Noe. He is desirous of purchasing some Leicesters.h.i.+res for his estate in Burgundy. Pray, may I take the liberty of introducing his agent to you?"

Mr. Leverton was delighted.

"I also wanted to see you about some other little business. Let me see, what was it? Never mind, I will take my wine here, if you can make room for me; I shall remember it, I dare say, soon. Oh! by-the-bye: ah! that was it. Stapylton Toad; Mr. Stapylton Toad; I want to know all about Mr.

Stapylton Toad. I dare say you can tell me. A friend of mine intends to consult him on some parliamentary business, and he wishes to know something about him before he calls."

We will condense, for the benefit of the reader, the information of Mr.

Leverton.

Stapylton Toad had not the honour of being acquainted with his father's name; but as the son found himself, at an early age, apprenticed to a solicitor of eminence, he was of opinion that his parent must have been respectable. Respectable! mysterious word! Stapylton was a diligent and faithful clerk, but was not so fortunate in his apprentices.h.i.+p as the celebrated Whittington, for his master had no daughter and many sons; in consequence of which, Stapylton, not being able to become his master's partner, became his master's rival.

On the door of one of the shabbiest houses in Jermyn Street the name of Mr. Stapylton Toad for a long time figured, magnificently engraved on a broad bra.s.s plate. There was nothing however, otherwise, in the appearance of the establishment, which indicated that Mr. Toad's progress was very rapid, or his professional career extraordinarily prosperous. In an outward office one solitary clerk was seen, oftener stirring his office fire than wasting his master's ink; and Mr. Toad was known by his brother attorneys as a gentleman who was not recorded in the courts as ever having conducted a single cause. In a few years, however, a story was added to the Jermyn Street abode, which, new pointed and new painted, began to a.s.sume a mansion-like appearance. The house-door was also thrown open, for the solitary clerk no longer found time to answer the often agitated bell; and the eyes of the entering client were now saluted by a gorgeous green baize office door; the imposing appearance of which was only equalled by Mr. Toad's new private portal, splendid with a bra.s.s knocker and patent varnish. And now his brother attorneys began to wonder "how Toad got on! and who Toad's clients were!"

A few more years rolled over, and Mr. Toad was seen riding in the Park at a cla.s.sical hour, attended by a groom in a cla.s.sical livery. And now "the profession" wondered still more, and significant looks were interchanged by "the respectable houses:" and flouris.h.i.+ng pract.i.tioners in the City shrugged up their shoulders, and talked mysteriously of "money business," and "some odd work in annuities." In spite, however, of the charitable surmises of his brother lawyers, it must be confessed that nothing of even an equivocal nature ever transpired against the character of the flouris.h.i.+ng Mr. Toad, who, to complete the mortification of his less successful rivals, married, and at the same time moved from Jermyn Street to Cavendish Square. The new residence of--Mr. Toad had previously been the mansion of a n.o.ble client, and one whom, as the world said, Mr. Toad "had got out of difficulties." This significant phrase will probably throw some light upon the nature of the mysterious business of our prosperous pract.i.tioner. n.o.ble Lords who have been in difficulties will not much wonder at the prosperity of those who get them out.

About this time Mr. Toad became acquainted with Lord Mounteney, a n.o.bleman in great distress, with fifty thousand per annum. His Lords.h.i.+p "really did not know how he had got involved: he never gamed, he was not married, and his consequent expenses had never been unreasonable: he was not extraordinarily negligent; quite the reverse: was something of a man of business, remembered once looking over his accounts; and yet in spite of his regular and correct career, found himself quite involved, and must leave England."

The arrangement of the Mounteney property was the crowning stroke of Mr.

Stapylton Toad's professional celebrity. His Lords.h.i.+p was not under the necessity of quitting England, and found himself in the course of five years in the receipt of a clear rental of five-and-twenty thousand per annum. His Lords.h.i.+p was in raptures; and Stapylton Toad purchased an elegant villa in Surrey, and became a Member of Parliament. Goodburn Park, for such was the name of Mr. Toad's country residence, in spite of its double lodges and patent park paling, was not, to Mr. Toad, a very expensive purchase; for he "took it off the hands" of a distressed client who wanted an immediate supply, "merely to convenience him," and, consequently, became the purchaser at about half its real value.

"Attorneys," as Bustle the auctioneer says, "have _such_ opportunities!"

Mr. Toad's career in the House was as correct as his conduct out of it.

After ten years' regular attendance, the boldest conjecturer would not have dared to define his political principles. It was a rule with Stapylton Toad never to commit himself. Once, indeed, he wrote an able pamphlet on the Corn Laws, which excited the dire indignation of the Political Economy Club. But Stapylton cared little for their subtle confutations and their loudly expressed contempt. He had obliged the country gentlemen of England, and ensured the return, at the next election, of Lord Mounteney's brother for the county. At this general election, also, Stapylton Toad's purpose in entering the House became rather more manifest; for it was found, to the surprise of the whole country, that there was scarcely a place in England; county, town, or borough; in which Mr. Stapylton Toad did not possess some influence. In short, it was discovered, that Mr. Stapylton Toad had "a first-rate parliamentary business;" that nothing could be done without his co-operation, and everything with it. In spite of his prosperity, Stapylton had the good sense never to retire from business, and even to refuse a baronetcy; on condition, however, that it should be offered to his son.

Stapylton, like the rest of mankind, had his weak points. The late Marquess of Almack's was wont to manage him very happily, and Toad was always introducing that minister's opinion of his importance. "'My time is quite at your service, General,' although the poor dear Marquess used to say, 'Mr. Stapylton Toad, your time is mine.' He knew the business I had to get through!" The family portraits also, in ostentatious frames, now adorned the dining-room of his London mansion; and it was amusing to hear the worthy M.P. dilate upon his likeness to his respected father.

"You see, my Lord," Stapylton would say, pointing to a dark, dingy picture of a gentleman in a rich court dress, "you see, my Lord, it is not in a very good light, and it certainly is a very dark picture, by Hudson; all Hudson's pictures were dark. But if I were six inches taller, and could hold the light just there, I think your Lords.h.i.+p would be astonished at the resemblance; but it's a dark picture, certainly it is dark; all Hudson's pictures were."

CHAPTER XIV

The Cavaliers have left the ancient Hall, and the old pictures frown only upon empty tables. The Marquess immediately gained a seat by Mrs.

Million, and was soon engrossed in deep converse with that ill.u.s.trious lady. In one room, the most eminent and exclusive, headed by Mrs. Felix Lorraine, were now winding through the soothing mazes of a slow waltz, and now whirling, with all the rapidity of Eastern dervishes, to true double Wien time. In another saloon, the tedious tactics of quadrilles commanded the exertions of less civilised beings: here Liberal Snake, the celebrated political economist, was lecturing to a knot of alarmed country gentlemen; and there an Italian improvisatore poured forth to an admiring audience all the dulness of his inspiration. Vivian Grey was holding an earnest conversation in one of the recesses with Mr.

Stapylton Toad. He had already charmed that worthy by the deep interest which he took in everything relating to elections and the House of Commons, and now they were hard at work on the Corn Laws. Although they agreed upon the main points, and Vivian's ideas upon this important subject had, of course, been adopted after studying Mr. Toad's "most luminous and convincing pamphlet," still there were a few minor points on which Vivian "was obliged to confess" that "he did not exactly see his way." Mr. Toad was astonished, but argumentative, and, of course, in due time, had made a convert of his companion; "a young man," as he afterwards remarked to Lord Mounteney, "in whom he knew not which most to admire, the soundness of his own views, or the candour with which he treated those of others." If you wish to win a man's heart, allow him to confute you.

"I think, Mr. Grey, you must admit that my definition of labour is the correct one?" said Mr. Toad, looking earnestly in Vivian's face, his finger just presuming to feel a b.u.t.ton.

"That exertion of mind or body which is not the involuntary effect of the influence of natural sensations," slowly repeated Vivian, as if his whole soul was concentrated in each monosyllable. "Y-e-s, Mr. Toad, I do admit it."

"Then, my dear sir, the rest follows of course," triumphantly exclaimed the member; "don't you see it?"

"Although I admit the correctness of your definition, Mr. Toad, I am not free to confess that I am ex-act-ly convinced of the soundness of your conclusion," said Vivian, in a musing mood.

"But, my dear sir, I am surprised that you don't see that--"

"Stop, Mr. Toad," eagerly exclaimed Vivian; "I see my error. I misconceived your meaning: you are right, sir; your definition is correct."

"I was confident that I should convince you, Mr. Grey."

"This conversation, I a.s.sure you, Mr. Toad, has been to me a peculiarly satisfactory one. Indeed, sir, I have long wished to have the honour of making your acquaintance. When but a boy, I remember, at my father's table, the late Marquess of Almack's--"

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

"One of the ablest men, Mr. Toad, after all, that this country ever produced."

"Oh, poor dear man!"

"I remember his observing to a friend of mine, who was at that time desirous of getting into the House: 'Hargrave,' said his Lords.h.i.+p, 'if you want any information upon points of practical politics;' that was his phrase; you remember, Mr. Toad, that his Lords.h.i.+p was peculiar in his phrases?"

"Oh! yes, poor dear man; but you were observing, Mr. Grey--"

"Ay, ay! 'If you want any information,' said his Lords.h.i.+p, 'on such points, there is only one man in the kingdom whom you should consult, and he is one of the soundest heads I know, and that is Stapylton Toad, the member for Mounteney;' you know you were in for Mounteney then, Mr. Toad."

"I was, and accepted the Chilterns to make room for Augustus Clay, Ernest Clay's brother, who was so involved, that the only way to keep him out of the House of Correction was to get him into the House of Commons. But the Marquess said so, eh?"

"Ay, and much more, which I scarcely can remember;" and then followed a long dissertation on the character of the n.o.ble statesman, and his views as to the agricultural interest, and the importance of the agricultural interest; and then a delicate hint was thrown out as to "how delightful it would be to write a pamphlet together" on this mighty agricultural interest; and then came a panegyric on the character of country gentlemen, and English yeomen, and the importance of keeping up the old English spirit in the peasantry, &c. &c. &c. &c.; and then, when Vivian had led Mr. Toad to deliver a splendid and patriotic oration on this point, he "just remembered (quite apropos to the sentiments which Mr.

Toad had just delivered, and which, he did not hesitate to say, 'did equal honour to his head and heart') that there was a little point, which, if it was not trespa.s.sing too much on Mr. Toad's attention, he would just submit to him;" and then he mentioned poor John Conyers'

case, although "he felt convinced, from Mr. Toad's well-known benevolent character, that it was quite unnecessary for him to do so, as he felt a.s.sured that it would be remedied immediately it fell under his cognisance; but then Mr. Toad had really so much business to transact, that perhaps these slight matters might occasionally not be submitted to him," &c. &c. &c.

What could Stapylton Toad do but, after a little amiable grumbling about "bad system and bad precedent," promise everything that Vivian Grey required?

"Mr. Vivian Grey," said Mrs. Felix Lorraine, "I cannot understand why you have been talking to Mr. Toad so long. Will you waltz?"

Before Vivian could answer, a t.i.ttering, so audible that it might almost be termed a shout, burst forth from the whole room. Cynthia Courtown had stolen behind Lord Alhambra, as he was sitting on an ottoman a la Turque, and had folded a cashmere shawl round his head with a most Oriental tie. His Lords.h.i.+p, who, notwithstanding his eccentricities, was really a very amiable man, bore his blus.h.i.+ng honours with a gracious dignity worthy of a descendant of the Abencerrages. The sensation which this incident occasioned favoured Vivian's escape from Mrs. Felix, for he had not left Mr. Stapylton Toad with any intention of waltzing.

But he had hardly escaped from the waltzers ere he found himself in danger of being involved in a much more laborious duty; for now he stumbled on the Political Economist, and he was earnestly requested by the contending theorists to a.s.sume the office of moderator. Emboldened by his success. Liberal Snake had had the hardihood to attack a personage of whose character he was not utterly ignorant, but on whom he was extremely desirous of "making an--impression." This important person was Sir Christopher Mowbray, who, upon the lecturer presuming to inform him "what rent was," d.a.m.ned himself several times from sheer astonishment at the impudence of the fellow. I don't wish to be coa.r.s.e, but Sir Christopher is a great man, and the sayings of great men, particularly when they are representative of the sentiment of a species, should not pa.s.s unrecorded.

Sir Christopher Mowbray is member for the county of ----; and member for the county he intends to be next election, although he is in his seventy-ninth year, for he can still follow a fox with as pluck a heart and with as stout a voice as any squire in Christendom. Sir Christopher, it must be confessed, is rather peculiar in his ideas. His grandson, Peregrine Mowbray, who is as pert a genius as the applause of a common-room ever yet spoiled, and as sublime an orator as the cheerings of the Union ever yet inspired, says "the Baronet is not up to the nineteenth century;" and perhaps this phrase will give the reader a more significant idea of Sir Christopher Mowbray than a character as long and as laboured as the most perfect of my Lord Clarendon's. The truth is, the good Baronet had no idea of "liberal principles," or anything else of that school. His most peculiar characteristic is a singular habit which he has got of styling political economists French Smugglers.

n.o.body has ever yet succeeded in extracting a reason from him for this singular appellation, and even if you angle with the most exquisite skill for the desired definition, Sir Christopher immediately salutes you with a volley of oaths, and d.a.m.ns French wines, Bible Societies, and Mr. Huskisson. Sir Christopher for half a century has supported in the senate, with equal sedulousness and silence, the const.i.tution and the corn laws; he is perfectly aware of "the present perilous state of the country," and watches with great interest all "the plans and plots" of this enlightened age. The only thing which he does not exactly comprehend is the London University. This affair really puzzles the worthy gentleman, who could as easily fancy a county member not being a freeholder as an university not being at Oxford or Cambridge. Indeed to this hour the old gentleman believes that the whole business is "a hoax;" and if you tell him that, far from the plan partaking of the visionary nature he conceives, there are actually four acres of very valuable land purchased near White Conduit House for the erection, and that there is little apprehension that, in the course of a century, the wooden poles which are now stuck about the ground will not be as fair and flouris.h.i.+ng as the most leafy bowers of New College Gardens, the old gentleman looks up to heaven, as if determined not to be taken in, and leaning back in his chair, sends forth a sceptical and smiling "No! no!

no! that won't do."

Vivian extricated himself with as much grace as possible from the toils of the Economist, and indeed, like a skilful general, turned this little rencontre to account in accomplis.h.i.+ng the very end for the attainment of which he had declined waltzing with Mrs. Felix Lorraine.

"My dear Lord," said Vivian, addressing the Marquess, who was still by the side of Mrs. Million, "I am going to commit a most ungallant act; but you great men must pay a tax for your dignity. I am going to disturb you. You are wanted by half the county! What could possibly induce you ever to allow a Political Economist to enter Chateau Desir? There are.

at least, three baronets and four squires in despair, writhing under the tortures of Liberal Snake. They have deputed me to request your a.s.sistance, to save them from being defeated in the presence of half their tenantry; and I think, my Lord," said Vivian, with a serious voice, "if you could possibly contrive to interfere, it would be desirable. That lecturing knave never knows when to stop, and he is actually insulting men before whom, after all, he ought not to dare open his lips. I see that your Lords.h.i.+p is naturally not very much inclined to quit your present occupation, in order to act moderator to a set of brawlers; but come, you shall not be quite sacrificed to the county. I will give up the waltz in which I was engaged, and keep your seat until your return."

The Marquess, who was always "keeping up county influence," was very shocked at the obstreperous conduct of Liberal Snake. Indeed he had viewed the arrival of this worthy with no smiling countenance, but what could he say, as he came in the suit of Lord Pert, who was writing, with the lecturer's a.s.sistance, a little pamphlet on the Currency?

Apologising to Mrs. Million, and promising to return as soon as possible and lead her to the music-room, the Marquess retired, with the determination of annihilating one of the stoutest members of the Political Economy Club.

Vivian began by apologising to Mrs. Million for disturbing her progress to the Hall by his sudden arrival before dinner; and then for a quarter of an hour poured forth the usual quant.i.ty of piquant anecdotes and insidious compliments. Mrs. Million found Vivian's conversation no disagreeable relief to the pompous prosiness of his predecessor.

And now, having succeeded in commanding Mrs. Million's attention by that general art of pleasing which was for all the world, and which was, of course, formed upon his general experience of human nature, Vivian began to make his advances to Mrs. Million's feelings by a particular art of pleasing; that is, an art which was for the particular person alone whom he was at any time addressing, and which was founded on his particular knowledge of that person's character.

"How beautiful the old Hall looked to-day! It is a scene which can only be met with in ancient families."