A Spaniard in the Works Part 2

'I'll leave you now sir,' said the dog, 'But just before I go I must advise you,' said his friend 'This boat to careflee row.'

'I thank you kindly friendly pal, I will,' and so he did, And floated down towards the land Where all the secrets hid.

What larfs aplenty did he larf, It seeming so absurd; Whilst losing all his oars, On his head he found a bird.

'h.e.l.lo,' the bird said, larfing too, 'I hope you don't mind me, I've come to guide you here on in, In case you're lost at sea.'

Well fancy that, the boy thought, I never knew till now That birds could speak so plainly.

He wondered - wonder how?

'What kind of bird are you sir?'

He said with due respect, 'I hope I'm not too nosey But I didn't not expect.'

'I am a wumberlog you see,'

The bird replied - all coy, 'The highly feathered species lad, You ought to jump for joy.'

'I would I would, if only, but You see - well - yes, oh dear, The thing is dear old Wumberlog I'm petrified with fear! '

'Now don't be silly' said the bird, 'I friendly - always - and I'm not like Thorpy Grumphlap, I'll show you when we land.'

And soon the land came interview, A 'tastic sight for sure, An island with an eye to see To guide you into sh.o.r.e.

'Hard to starboard' said a tree, 'Yer focsle mainsle blast s.h.i.+vver timbers wayard wind At last yer've come at last.'

'You weren't expecting me, I hope'

The boy said, puzzled now.

'Of course we are' a thing said, Looking slightly like a cow.

'We've got the kettle going lad,'

A cheerful apple say, 'I'll bring a bag of friends along Wot you can have for tay.'

A teawell ate, with dog and tree Is not a common sight, Especially when the dog himself Had started off the flight.

'How did you get here curlew friend?'

The boy said all a maze.

'The same way you did, in a boat,'

The dog yelled through the haze.

'Where are all the peoble, please, Wot live when they are dead?

I'd like to see them if I may Before I'm back in bed.'

'You'll see them son,' a carrot said, "Don't hurry us; you know You've got to eat a plate of me Before we let you go!'

Then off to see the peoble whom The lad had come to see And in the distance there he saw A group of tweilve or three.

A little further on at last There were a lot or more, All digging in the ground and that, All digging in the floor.

'What are you digging all the time?'

He asked them like a brother.

Before they answered he could see They really dug each other,

In fact they took it turns apiece To lay down in the ground And shove the soil upon the heads Of all their friends around.

Well, what a sight! I ask you now.

He had to larf out lnud.

Before he knew what happened He'd gathered quite a crowed.

Without a word, and spades on high, They all dug deep and low, And placed the boy into a hole Next to his Uncle Joe.

'I told you not to come out here,'

His uncle said, all sad.

'I had to Uncle,' said the boy.

'You're all the friend I had.'

With just their heads above the ground They bade a fond goodbye, With all the people shouting out "Here's mud into your eye! '

(And there certainly was.)

ARAMINTA DITCH.

Araminta Ditch was always larfing. She woof larf at these, larf at thas. Always larfing she was. Many body peofle woof look atat her saying, 'Why does that Araminta Ditch keep larfing?'

They could never understamp why she was ever larfing about the place. 'I hope she's not at all larfing at me,' some peokle would say, 'I certainly hope that Araminta Ditch is not larfing at me.'

One date Araminta rose up out of her duffle bed, larfing as usual with that insage larf peojle had come to know her form.

'Hee! hee! hee! ' She larfed all the way down to breakfart.

'Hee! hee! hee! ' She gurgled over the morman papiers.

'Hee! hee! hee! ' Continude Araminta on the buzz to wirk.

This pubbled the pa.s.sages and condoctor equally both. 'Why is that boot larfing all the time?' Inqueered an elderberry pas- sengeorge who trabelled regularge on that roof and had a write to know.

'I bet n.o.body knows why I am always larfing.' Said Ara- minta to herself privately, to herself. 'They would dearly love to know why I am always larfing like this to myselve privately to myselve. I bet some peoble would really like to know.' She was right, off course, lots of peotle would.

Araminta Ditch had a boyfred who could never see the joke.

'As long as she's happy,' he said. He was a good man. 'Pray tell me, Araminta, why is it that you larf so readily. Yeaye, but I am sorly troubled sometimes when thy larfter causes sitch tribulation and embarresment amongst my family and elders.'

Araminta would larf alI the more at an outburp like this, even to the point of hysteriffs. 'Hee! hee! hee!' She would scream as if possessed by the very double himself.

'That Araminta Ditch will have to storp orl these larfing; she will definitely have to storp it. I will go crazy if she don't storp it.' This was the large voice of her goodly neighbore, Mrs Cramsby, who lived right next door and looked after the cats whilst Araminta was at work. 'Takes a good deal of looking after these cat when she's at work - and that's nothing to larf about! '

The whole street had beginning to worry about Araminta's larfter. Why? hadn't she been larfing and living there for nye- bevan thirty years, continually larfing hee! hee! and annoying them? They began to hold meters to see what could be done - after all they had to live with her hadn't they? It was them who had to always keep hearing her inane larftor. At one such meetinge they deciple to call on the help of Aramintas' boy- fiend who was called Richard (sometimes Richard the t.u.r.d, but thats another story). 'Well I dont know dear friends,' said Richard, who hated them all. This was at the second meetink!

Obvouslieg samting hed tow be doon - and quickly. Ara- mintas' face was spreading aboon the country, peochle fram all walks of leg began to regarden her with a certain insight left.

'What canon I do that would quell this mirth what is gradu-, ally drying me to drink, have I not bespoken to her often, betting her to cease, threatling - cajolson - arsking, pleases stop this larftor Araminta. I am at the end of my leather - my cup kenneth conner,' Richard say. The people of the street mub-.

bered in agreement, what could he do? He was foing his vest.

'We will ask the Vicar,' said Mrs Crambsey, 'Surely he can exercise it out of her? ' The peodle agreed - 'Surely the Vicar can do it if anybotty can.' The Vicar smiled a funny little smile wholst the goo people splained the troumer. When they had had finished speaching he rose up grandly from his barthchair and said loud and clear 'What do you mean exactly?' The peodle sighed an slowlies started to start again telling him about the awful case of Araminta's larfing.

'You mean she just keeps larfing fer no a parent season?' he said brightly. 'Yess that's it fazackerly Vicar,' said Richard, 'morning noon and nige, always larfing like a mad thin.' The Vicar looked up from his knitting and opened. his mouths.

'Something will have to be done about that girl larfing all the time. It's not right.'

'I really doughnut see that it is any concervative of thiers whether i larf or nament,' sighed Araminta over a lengthy vic- tim. 'The trifle with the peomle around here is that they have forG.o.den how, I repeat, how to larf, reverend, that's what I think anyhow.'

She was of corset talking to the extremely reverend LIONEL HUGHES. She had gone to see him in case he could help her in any small way, considering he was always spouting off about helping peouple she thought she'd give him a try as it were.

'What can I say my dear, I mean what can I say? ' Araminta looked at the holy fink with disbelief. 'What do you mean - what can I say - don't ask me what to say. I cam here to ask you for help and you have the audacidacidity to ask me what to say - is that all you have to say?' she yellowed. 'I know exactly how you feel Samantha, I had a cousin the same way, couldn't see a thin without his glasgows.'

Araminta stood up in a kind of suit, she picked up her own mongels and ran seriously out of the room. 'No wonder he only gets three in on Sunday! ' she exclaimed to a small group of wellwishers.

A year or more pa.s.sedover with no changei in Araminta's strange larfing. 'Hee! hee! hee! she went drivan herself and everone around her insane. THERE SEEMED NO END TO THE PROBLEM. This went on for eighty years until Araminta died larfing. This did not help her neighbers much. They had all died first, - which was one of the many things that Araminta died larfing off.

Ca.s.sANDLE.