The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts Part 18

_Bill._ When did it happen?

_Policeman._ In the night.

_Bill._ And where's Schmidt?

_Policeman._ He's in jail.

_Bill._ In jail?

_Policeman._ Sure, the firemen smelled kerosene.

_Bill._ Holy smoke! The poor old Dutchie! He set fire to his place!

_Policeman._ That's what they say. I wasn't here.

_Bill._ Well, I'll be switched! If I'd been here I might a' got some charlotte russes!

_Policeman._ With kerosene on them, belike! _(Starts Right.)_

_Bill._ Say, mister! Youse know that guy that was waiter here?

_Policeman._ Yes.

_Bill._ They didn't jug him, did they?

_Policeman._ No. He's lookin' for his week's wages! _(Laughs; exit Right.)_

_Bill._ Holy smoke! _(A murmur is heard from the child on cot Right.

The Play-play begins to fade. Faint light on the Real-play.)_

_Peggy (rises and goes over to cot; then returns to Will)._ He seems to be more restless. Oh, I hope he's not going to be sick!

_Will (In agitation)._ Don't let's get to thinking about that now!

_Peggy._ All right, dear.

_Will._ We're coming to the big scenes. I want to show the tenement where Belle and Dolly live. _(The Play-play begins to appear.)_ There's a room adjoining, where Jack stays. It's a few days after the fire. Belle has gone out to get something for supper. Meantime the land-lady comes. I used our landlady.

_Peggy._ That ought to make a lively scene!

_Will._ We're ent.i.tled to a little vengeance, I think imagine her--with her ostrich feathers and her greasy old blue dress, her sharp red nose and her fighting voice. I've got our landlady, you bet!

_Peggy._ Give it here. _(Full light on the Play-play. Peggy makes secret exit. Repeated knocks at the door of Play-play Left.)_

_Landlady (opens door)._ Now, where's them people? _(Looks about suspiciously.)_ Haven't skipped, I hope! _(Goes to room Right.)_ Anybody in here? Humph! Looks like they're hard up! A b.u.m lot!

_(Belle appears Left with shawl over shoulders and a loaf of bread in her hand.)_ Oh! Here you are! I want that rent.

_Belle._ Why do you come for it to-night? _(She stands in doorway, as if afraid of the woman.)_

_Landlady._ Ain' it been due two weeks?

_Belle._ But I told you we'd have it to-morrow.

_Landlady._ Well, it's nearly to-morrow. I want to get it before it's gone.

_Belle._ But Dolly doesn't get home until very late.

_Landlady._ You keep telling me about Dolly----

_Belle._ She said she'd have some money. I'll bring it to your room as soon as she gets home.

_Landlady._ All right. I've got sick of waitin' for that money! If you haven't got it you can just move on, that's all! You might as well understand----

_Belle (with gesture of distraction)._ Oh, all right! All right!

I've told you we're doing our best! _(Turns and rushes off Left.)_

_Landlady._ Well, now. Will you look at that! _(Paces up and down.)_ They come and use your rooms and if you ask what's due you, they turn and run! That's what it is to be a landlady! That's the way they treat you! _(Calls.)_ Here! You don't need to move to-night!

_(Follows off Left; calling.)_ What are you running for? I'm not going to eat you! But I want you to know I got to have that money--I got my own bills to pay. _(A bell sounds in the Real-play and the Play-play fades instantly.)_

_Will._ G.o.d! It seems to me that bell rings all day and all night!

_Peggy (rising)._ Wait, dear. I'll answer it.

_(Rises and goes to door. Will continues absorbed in ma.n.u.script.)_

_Landlady (at door of Real-play)._ Good-evening. I've come for the rent.

_Peggy._ I'm sorry, but you know I told you it would be a few days yet.

_Landlady._ How many days do you call a few?

_Peggy._ Well, a day or two more.

_Landlady._ That rent's overdue a month. You'll have to get it somehow or quit.

_Will (looking up from ma.n.u.script)._ Didn't I tell you you could have it when Dolly gets home?

_Landlady._ Dolly! Who's Dolly?

_Will._ Oh, I----_(Laughs.)_ I beg pardon!

_Peggy (laughing with him)._ You see, my husband's writing a play, and Dolly is one of the characters in it. We're putting you in, too.

_Landlady._ _Me?_

_Peggy._ Yes--I hope you won't mind. You see, he wanted somebody that was interesting, that people would like to see on the stage----

_Will._ And when it comes out you can go and see it.