Evil God Average Commemoration SS: Autobiography – “Anri and Her Happy Friends”

“…Nothing to do.”

A mutter left my mouth.
But it couldn’t be helped. There really was nothing to do.

The money I got from the me that I left in the Temple was quite a sum. Enough to live on for a while yet. Because of that, there was no need to work.
Unlike when I was a dungeon master, there was n.o.body aiming for my life either.
The peaceful life that I wished for was… Although there were the occasional disturbances, it was mostly a peaceful everyday for me.

It was basically everything I had wished for, so I do think it was being extravagant to complain about it now, but I really, really had nothing to do.

Because I was just so free, I even tried things I would normally never even consider doing.

“I know. I’ll write an autobiography.”

Later, when I calmed down a little, I realised that I should have thought about it a little more carefully.

Far from being thrown into a world with only the clothes on my back, I was abandoned in a forest with not even a shred of fabric on me. Then I joined a guild, became a dungeon master, became a G.o.d, got into an argument with the G.o.d of Light and G.o.d of Darkness, and finally, after all that, went back to being a human. Thinking about it, you could say that my life was the perfect ill.u.s.tration of ‘filled with ups and downs’...
Or so I’d like to say, but considering my age, it feels a little early to be reflecting over my life like this. On the other hand, just this year alone was eventful enough to last me a lifetime.

Thinking about it now, a lot of the events were actually headache inducing──or rather, pretty much everything that happened was headache inducing──but considering how colorful (or perhaps intense) all my experiences were, I’d say that at least my autobiography won’t be lacking in content.
Thinking that, I went to find the stationery that I used the time I was writing the scriptures, but when I did, I suddenly realised that I had overlooked a grave problem.

“What am I going to do about the enchantment curse?”

Last time, I wrote up some scriptures about living a virtuous lifestyle, but it ended up turning into a cursed book that was cla.s.sified worldwide as belonging to the most terrifying cla.s.s of dangerous items.
It happened because of the divine enchantment skill that I was given when I came to this world. An annoying skill that allowed me to instantly enchant something with the divine protection of an evil G.o.d, but that would also activate on its own after about an hour of contact.
If the target was a living being, then they would need to accept the divine protection, but if it was inanimate like a stationery set, then it would activate by itself.
Even a book of morals turned into a cursed scripture, so I couldn’t even imagine what my autobiography might turn into. I couldn’t imagine it, but I could say with certainty that it would be nothing good.

Learning from my previous mistakes, this time I was careful not to activate the enchantment.

“…This is hard.”

I decided to avoid contact with the paper and write with my pen hand held up in the air, but it turned out to be quite hard.
Normally I would write with my left hand holding the paper down, and with the pinkie of my right hand on the sheet, so writing like this ended up harder than expected. If you don’t believe me, just try it.
My hand wouldn’t stop shaking, and my handwriting turned into squiggles.
But it was obvious that giving up would be the same as screaming “Second cursed book, here we come!” so I continued writing as I corrected things over and over again.

“The heck are you doing?”

Leonora happened to wander in. She made an astounded look as she saw me seriously battling with the paper with my shaky hands, but I decided not to mind it.
Admittedly, I want to ask myself the same question, but it feels like I’d lose somehow if I gave up at this point, so I’ve decided not to look back.

“A new game?”

No, Lili, I’m writing very seriously here. It might look like some punishment game to an outsider, but I need to ignore that.

“Please don’t push yourself, Anri-sama.”

Tena’s kindness filled my heart so much that my vision blurred, and I couldn’t see the paper anymore.

With everybody’s warm (and somewhat stuffy) encouragement, I somehow managed to finish my autobiography.
Its t.i.tle was──

This was a short, short story to commemorate the publication of Evil G.o.d Average.
Today, on the 7th of September, 2015, the first volume was published by Takarajimasha.
It is thanks to all my readers, and I am grateful.
If you see it in the store, please pick up a copy.

– Kitaseno Yunaki

Incidentally, Anri-san was desperately writing with trembling hands, but she honestly could have just taken a break every hour, and the curse wouldn’t have activated.

– Kitaseno Yunaki

Remember to buy the books! I’ll immortalise you in my hall of fame! If there are enough people, I’ll move the page to the front!

Buy the Book of Evil!
Satisfaction, guaranteed!
Buy the Book of G.o.d!
Prove your piety, today!

– Grand Arbiter and 5th Holy Sheeprabbit, Estelion Sharlulu Asheel Vinchance Celenalia di ef Falufiluu’Luufilaafee (The 35th)