The Biography of Robert Murray M'Cheyne Part 2

O ye that fain would find the joy-- The only one that wants alloy-- Which never is deceiving; Come to the Well of Life with me, And drink, as it is proffered, free, The gospel draught receiving.

I come to Christ, because I know The very worst are called to go; And when in faith I find Him, I'll walk in Him, and lean on Him, Because I cannot move a limb Until He say, "Unbind him."

"_July 3._--This last bitter root of worldliness that has so often betrayed me has this night so grossly, that I cannot but regard it as G.o.d's chosen way to make me loathe and forsake it forever. I would vow; but it is much more like a weakly worm to pray. Sit in the dust, O my soul!" I believe he was enabled to keep his resolution. Once only, in the end of this year, was he again led back to gaiety; but it was the last time.

"_July 7_, Sat.u.r.day.--After finis.h.i.+ng my usual studies, tried to fast a little, with much prayer and earnest seeking of G.o.d's face, remembering what occurred this night last year." (Alluding to his brother's death.)

"_July 22._--Had this evening a more complete understanding of that self-emptying and abas.e.m.e.nt with which it is necessary to come to Christ,--a denying of self, trampling it under foot,--a recognizing of the complete righteousness and justice of G.o.d, that could do nothing else with us but condemn us utterly, and thrust us down to lowest h.e.l.l,--a feeling that, even in h.e.l.l, we _should_ rejoice in his sovereignty, and say that all was rightly done."

"_Aug. 15._--Little done, and as little suffered. Awfully important question, Am I redeeming the time?"

"_Aug. 18._--Heard of the death of James Somerville[2] by fever, induced by cholera. O G.o.d, thy ways and thoughts are not as ours! He had preached his first sermon. I saw him last on Friday, 27th July, at the College gate; shook hands, and little thought I was to see him no more on earth."

[2] Son of the minister of Drumelzier,--very promising and very amiable.

"_Sept. 2_, Sabbath evening.--Reading. Too much engrossed, and too little devotional. Preparation for a fall. Warning. We may be too engrossed with the sh.e.l.l even of heavenly things."

"_Sept. 9._--Oh for true, unfeigned humility! I know I have cause to be humble; and yet I do not know one-half of that cause. I know I am proud; and yet I do not know the half of that pride."

"_Sept. 30._--Somewhat straitened by loose Sabbath observance. Best way is to be explicit and manly."

"_Nov. 1._--More abundant longings for the work of the ministry. Oh that Christ would but count me faithful, that a dispensation of the gospel might be committed to me!" And then he adds, "Much peace.

_Peaceful, because believing_."

_Dec. 2._--Hitherto he used to spend much of the Sabbath evening in extending his notes of Mr. Bruce's sermons, but now, "Determined to be brief with these, for the sake of a more practical, meditative, resting, sabbatical evening."

"_Dec. 11._--Mind quite unfitted for devotion. Prayerless prayer."

"_Dec. 31._--G.o.d has in this past year introduced me to the preparation of the ministry,--I bless Him for that. He has helped me to give up much of my shame to name his name, and be on his side, especially before particular friends,--I bless Him for that. He has taken conclusively away friends that might have been a snare,--must have been a stumbling-block,--I bless Him for that. He has introduced me to one Christian friend, and sealed more and more my amity with another,--I bless Him for that."

_Jan. 27_, 1833.--On this day it had been the custom of his brother David to write a "Carmen Natale" on their father's birth-day. Robert took up the domestic song this year; and in doing so, makes some beautiful and tender allusions.

Ah! where is the harp that was strung to thy praise, So oft and so sweetly in happier days?

When the tears that we shed were the tears of our joy, And the pleasures of home were unmixed with alloy?

The harp is now mute--its last breathings are spoken-- And the cord, though 'twas threefold, is now, alas, broken!

Yet why should we murmur, short-sighted and vain, Since death to that loved one was undying gain?

Ah, fools! shall we grieve that he left this poor scene, To dwell in the realms that are ever serene?

Through he sparkled the gem in our circle of love, He is even more prized in the circles above.

And though sweetly he sung of his father on earth, When this day would inspire him with tenderest mirth, Yet a holier tone to his harp is now given, _As he sings to his unborn Father in heaven_.

Feb. 3.--Writing to a medical friend of his brother William's, he says, "I remember long ago a remark you once made to William, which has somehow or other stuck in my head, viz. that medical men ought to make a distinct study of the Bible, purely for the sake of administering conviction and consolation to their patients. I think you also said that you had actually begun with that view. Such a determination, though formed in youth, is one which I trust riper years will not make you blush to own."

"_Feb. 11._--Somewhat overcome. Let me see: there is a creeping defect here. Humble purpose-like reading of the word omitted. What plant can be unwatered and not wither?"

"_Feb. 16._--Walk to Corstorphine Hill. Exquisite clear view,--blue water, and brown fields, and green firs. Many thoughts on the follies of my youth. How many, O Lord, may they be? Summed up in one--unG.o.dliness!"

"_Feb. 21._--Am I as willing as ever to preach to the lost heathen?"

"_March 8._--Biblical criticism. This must not supersede heart-work.

How apt it is!"

"_March 12._--Oh for activity, activity, activity!"

"_March 29._--To-day my second session (at the Divinity Hall) ends. I am now in the middle of my career. G.o.d hold me on with a steady pace!"

"_March 31._--The bull tosses in the net! How should the Christian imitate the anxieties of the worldling!"

_April 17._--He heard of the death of one whom many friends had esteemed much and lamented deeply. This led him to touch the strings of his harp again, in a measure somewhat irregular, yet sad and sweet.

"WE ALL DO FADE AS A LEAF."

SHE LIVED--

So dying-like and frail, That every bitter gale Of winter seemed to blow Only to lay her low!

She lived to show how He, Who stills the stormy sea, Can overrule the winter's power, And keep alive the tiniest flower-- Can bear the young lamb in his arms And shelter it from death's alarms.

SHE DIED--

When spring, with brightest flowers, Was fresh'ning all the bowers.

The linnet sung her choicest lay, When her sweet voice was hush'd for aye The snowdrop rose above the ground When she beneath her pillow found, Both cold, and white, and fair,-- She, fairest of the fair, She died to teach us all The loveliest must fall.

A curse is written on the brow Of beauty; and the lover's vow Cannot retain the flitting breath, Nor save from all-devouring death.

SHE LIVES--

The spirit left the earth; And he who gave her birth Has called her to his dread abode, To meet her Saviour and her G.o.d.

She lives, to tell how blest Is the everlasting rest Of those who, in the Lamb's blood laved, Are chosen, sanctified, and saved!

How fearful is their doom Who drop into the tomb Without a covert from the ire Of Him who is consuming fire!

SHE SHALL LIVE--

The grave shall yield his prize, When, from the rending skies, Christ shall with shouting angels come To wake the slumberers of the tomb.

And many more shall rise Before our longing eyes.

Oh! may we all together meet, Embracing the Redeemer's feet!

"_May 20._--General a.s.sembly. The motion regarding Chapels of Ease lost by 106 to 103. Every shock of the ram is heavier and stronger, till all shall give way."

"_June 4._--Evening almost lost. Music will not sanctify, though it make feminine the heart."

"_June 22._--Omissions make way for commissions. Could I but take effective warning! A world's wealth would not make up for that saying, 'If any man sin, we have an Advocate with the Father.' But how shall we that are dead to sin live any longer therein?"

"_June 30._--Self-examination. Why is a missionary life so often an object of my thoughts? Is it simply for the love I bear to souls?

Then, why do I not show it more where I am? Souls are as precious here as in Burmah. Does the romance of the business not weigh anything with me?--the interest and esteem I would carry with me?--the nice journals and letters I should write and receive? Why would I so much rather go to the East than to the West Indies? Am I wholly deceiving my own heart? and have I not a spark of true missionary zeal? Lord, give me to understand and imitate the spirit of those unearthly words of thy dear Son: 'It is enough for the disciple that he be as his Master, and the servant as his Lord.' 'He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me.' _Gloria in excelsis Deo!_

"_Aug. 13._--Clear conviction of sin is the only true origin of dependence on another's righteousness, and therefore (strange to say!) of the Christian's peace of mind and cheerfulness."

"_Sept. 8._--Reading _Adams' Private Thoughts_. Oh for his heart-searching humility! Ah me! on what mountains of pride must I be wandering, when all I do is tinctured with the very sins this man so deplores; yet where are my wailings, where my tears, over my love of praise?"