Fanny and the Servant Problem Part 3

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. My dear boy!

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But we didn't expect you -

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. And your wife, dear?

VERNON. She's here!

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Here?

f.a.n.n.y, from behind the screen, laughs.

VERNON. We'll have some light. [He whispers to them.] Not a word-- haven't told her yet. [Feeling his way to the wall, he turns on the electric light.]

f.a.n.n.y is revealed, having slipped out from behind the screen. There is a pause. Vernon, standing near the fire, watches admiringly.

f.a.n.n.y. Hope you are going to like me.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. My dear, I am sure we shall.

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It is so easy to love the young and pretty. [They have drawn close to her. They seem to hesitate.]

f.a.n.n.y [laughs]. It doesn't come off, does it, Vernon, dear? [Vernon laughs. The two ladies, laughing, kiss her.] I'm so glad you think I'm pretty. As a matter of fact, I'm not. There's a certain charm about me, I admit. It deceives people.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We were afraid--you know, dear, boys-- [she looks at Vernon and smiles] sometimes fall in love with women much older than themselves--especially women--[She grows confused.

She takes the girl's hand.] We are so relieved that you--that you are yourself, dear,

f.a.n.n.y. You were quite right, dear. They are sweet. Which is which?

VERNON [laughs]. Upon my word, I never can tell.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon! And you know I was always your favourite!

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Dear!

VERNON. Then this is Aunt Alice.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. No dear, Edith.

[Vernon throws up his hands in despair. They all laugh.]

f.a.n.n.y. I think I shall dress you differently; put you in blue and you in pink. [She laughs.] Is this the drawing-room?

VERNON. Your room, dear.

f.a.n.n.y. I like a room where one can stretch one's legs. [She walks across it.] A little too much desk [referring to a ma.s.sive bra.s.s- bound desk, facing the three windows].

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It belonged to the elder Pitt.

f.a.n.n.y. Um! Suppose we must find a corner for it somewhere. That's a good picture.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It is by Hoppner.

f.a.n.n.y. One of your artist friends?

VERNON. Well--you see, dear, that's a portrait of my great- grandmother, painted from life.

f.a.n.n.y [she whistles]. I am awfully ignorant on some topics. One good thing, I always was a quick study. Not a bad-looking woman.

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We are very proud of her. She was the first -

VERNON [hastily]. We will have her history some other time.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [who understands, signs to her sister].

Of course. She's tired. We are forgetting everything. You will have some tea, won't you, dear?

f.a.n.n.y. No, thanks. We had tea in the train. [With the more or less helpful a.s.sistance of Vernon she divests herself of her outdoor garments.]

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [she holds up her hands in astonishment].

Tea in the train!

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We were not expecting you so soon. You said in your telegram -

VERNON. Oh, it was raining in London. We thought we would come straight on--leave our shopping for another day.

f.a.n.n.y. I believe you were glad it was raining. Saved you such a lot of money. Old Stingy!

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Then did you walk from the station, dear?

f.a.n.n.y. Didn't it seem a long way? [She laughs up into his face.]

He was so bored. [Vernon laughs.]

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I had better tell--[She is going towards the bell.]

VERNON [he stops her]. Oh, let them alone. Plenty of time for all that fuss. [He puts them both gently side by side on the settee.]

Sit down and talk. Haven't I been clever? [He puts his arm round f.a.n.n.y, laughing.] You thought I had made an a.s.s of myself, didn't you? Did you get all my letters?

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I think so, dear.

f.a.n.n.y [she is sitting in an easy-chair. Vernon seats himself on the arm]. Do you know I've never had a love-letter from you?

VERNON. You gave me no time. She met me a month ago, and married me last week.

f.a.n.n.y. It was quick work. He came--he saw--I conquered! [Laughs.]

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. They say that love at first sight is often the most lasting.

VERNON [he puts his arm around her]. You are sure you will never regret having given up the stage? The excitement, the -