Report of the Special Committee on Moral Delinquency in Children and Adolescents Part 6

_X. The Home Environment_

=(1) Feelings of Insecurity: The Unloved Child=

A harmonious emotional development during childhood is one of the most important factors influencing human behaviour. Any child who feels unloved, unwanted, or jealous of the care and attention given to other members of the household suffers from a feeling of insecurity. This feeling of insecurity renders the child more susceptible to influences leading to delinquency.

The mother's att.i.tude to the child is of prime importance. There is a psychological link between mother and child from the very moment of birth--a link that can be substantially strengthened by breast feeding as far as it is practicable. The att.i.tude of the mother to the child, even before birth, may well have a marked effect upon the child's sense of security. If pregnancy was not welcomed by the mother, her child may come into the world under a distinct handicap, that of being an unwanted child. Subsequent adjustment may not be as satisfactory as she imagines it to be.

There is often, however, a vast difference between the parents' love of a child and the child's subsequent idea of being loved. The love that every child needs is affection combined with wisdom--a wisdom that will show itself in a watchful concern for the child's well-being throughout childhood to late adolescence. It can be summed up as the kind of love found in a warm family life where all the members--father, mother, and children--are in a proper relations.h.i.+p the one to the other. This relations.h.i.+p is mere difficult to obtain where the child was unwanted or where one parent becomes unwilling to share with the child the love which he or she formerly alone received from the other parent.

A child living in an abnormal family environment, whether that abnormality arises from the birth of the child or the maladjusted personality of a parent, is the type of child which may later seek compensation in irregular s.e.xual behaviour. But the child who, during its early years, lives in an environment where it feels secure, loved, and accepted is not likely to become a deviant.

Evidence has been presented to the Committee of many cases of delinquency which may fairly be traced to one of the following causes:

_(a) Emotional Disturbances_ that have arisen out of a divorce, separation, or remarriage. An emotional upset may arise from a home that is broken by a divorce or separation or, equally important, from a home in which tension follows discord between the parents.

_(b) Poor Discipline_ arising out of a parental notion that love for the child can be shown by gifts in money or kind, or by allowing the child to do what it wants to do. Many of the parents of delinquent children are in that category of people who have been far too indulgent with their children and have been unable to say 'No'. It is a big mistake to suppose that the respect and love of a child will be lost by firm, kindly guidance. The Committee has evidence that a large group of delinquents detained in an inst.i.tution attributed their situation to the failure of their parents to be firm with them in early life.

_(c) Lack of Training for Parenthood:_ It was somewhat alarming to find that many parents have found the responsibilities of home life too much for them. They had entered into matrimony without having had their attention drawn to the ways in which a home can, and should, be managed.

The duties which one spouse legally owes to the other are fairly well known. Thanks particularly to the efforts of the Plunket Society, great help is available in the rearing and management of babies. But there is a big gap in the knowledge of the art of home-making possessed by many parents. Much of that gap has been filled in by the school, the church, and various youth organizations, but the more these outside agencies do the less inclined are some parents to shoulder their own personal responsibilities. The home should be the place in which all these activities are co-ordinated: they should supplement home training and not subtract from it.

_(d) Lack of Responsibility:_ There was no need for anybody to stress this factor before the Committee--it stood out as a matter of grave concern. Many of the parents of children affected by recent happenings throughout the Dominion showed a deplorable lack of concern for their responsibilities not only to their own children, but to the a.s.sociates of their children. It is one thing to trust a youth; it is quite another thing for parents to go away for a day of golf or to spend their week-ends away from home leaving the boy to his own devices. It is one thing for Mrs A to give her daughter permission to stay the week-end with Mrs B's daughter, and for Mrs B, to give permission for her daughter to stay the same week-end with Mrs A's daughter. It is quite another thing when neither Mrs A nor Mrs B shows that interest in their daughter which would prevent their being shocked on finding from the police weeks later that the week-end was spent with other adolescents in the house of Mr and Mrs X, while those parents in turn had trusted their son. A simple inquiry by the parents of A, B, or X during or after the week-end could not be resented, and, indeed, children would respect their parents more if such an inquiry were made.

Of lesser import, but still indicative of a lack of awareness of responsibility, is the att.i.tude of parents who give money to their children to go to the pictures in order to get them out of the way without even bothering to look at the programme to see if it is a suitable one for children.

Admittedly, parenthood, if it is not to end in disaster or the fear of disaster, is a great responsibility. It involves a continual struggle against harmful influences from outside. It demands also parental interest in the activities of the children and sometimes a measure of self-denial for the children's sake.

Wisdom and experience combine in suggesting to all parents that they should guide their children, and not be governed by them.

Those who read this report might usefully ponder the question whether the ever-increasing way in which responsibilities in character building are being a.s.sumed by schools, libraries, clubs, and many other organizations has not made parents less heedful of their own personal responsibilities for the training of their children.

While the Committee realizes that the care shown by some parents for their children has proved to be inadequate, there are many parents who are examples of what parents ought to be. Above all, the Committee wishes to stress that parents should not suffer from feelings of inadequacy owing to a spate of modern knowledge often expressed in semi-technical terms. Parents should enjoy their children, and this enjoyment will lead to increasing co-operation within the family.

=(2) Absent Mothers and Fathers=

Many persons have expressed the opinion that s.e.xual immorality among young people arises, in part, from the fact that mothers are frequently absent from their homes at times when their children need their care and guidance.

Mothers who leave children to their own devices are in three categories:

(_a_) Nearly one-third of the delinquent children whose cases were considered by the Committee belonged to homes where the mother worked for wages. Another survey showed that, in a closely populated area, 25 per cent of the mothers of pupils of a post-primary school went out to work. Some mothers may need to work; but many of them work in order to provide a higher standard of living than can be enjoyed on the wages earned by their husbands, or because they prefer the company at an office, shop, or factory to the routine of domestic duties.

(_b_) The second category comprises those wives and mothers who extend their social, and even their public, activities beyond the hour at which they should be home to welcome their children on return from school. Happy and desirable is the home where the children burst in expectantly or full of news concerning something that interests them!

(_c_) The third category of absentee mothers consists of those who give their children money to go to the pictures, while they themselves go to golf, or to a football match, or pay a visit to friends.

When dealing with this kind of thoughtlessness it should be pointed out that fathers are not free from blame. As breadwinners they have necessarily to be away from home throughout the day, but they have opportunities in the evenings and at week-ends to identify themselves with their children's interests and activities.

A satisfactory home life can be attained only by the co-operation of both parents in the upbringing of their children.

=(3) High Wages=

In striking contrast to the contention that the cost of living is so high that mothers are obliged to work is the complaint that many young people have too much money. This applies both to school children and to boys and girls who have commenced working.

It cannot be denied that many children have too much spending money, and that others show too great a desire to have it.

It is also a well-known fact that many children are not content to do normal tasks at home when they are able to obtain good pocket money by doing odd jobs for others.

The starting wage for adolescents is often somewhat high, and thrift is not practised by them. A few years hence, these adolescents may be in the ranks of those who complain of their inability to obtain homes. This has prompted people to urge that a compulsory savings scheme should be inst.i.tuted to guard young people from the evils of misspent leisure and to develop in them that sense of reliability which is so often lacking.

There is certainly something wrong when mothers work to increase the income of the household while youths, who may be paid nearly as much as parents with family responsibilities, spend their earnings on expensive luxuries.

If juvenile delinquents were admitted to probation instead of being admonished or placed under supervision, it might be practicable for the Courts, in suitable cases to make it a condition of probation that the offender paid a portion of his earnings into a compulsory savings scheme. Even if such a procedure could be devised it would apply only to those who have become delinquents when the major consideration should be given to the problem of the pre-delinquents. This is a matter to be considered further in Section XVI of this report.

_XI. Information on s.e.x Matters_

For many years the expression "s.e.x instruction" has been used and understood by most people. The Committee makes clear its appreciation of the fact that the term is inadequate as not indicating that the s.e.xual relations of man and woman should be a harmonious blend of the physical and the spiritual. Many parents of children will agree that they themselves obtained only a knowledge of the mechanical aspects of s.e.x from school companions. Even this information was often gleaned from undesirable conversations. Such parents wish that their children should receive this knowledge in a totally different fas.h.i.+on.

The terms "s.e.x instruction" and "s.e.x knowledge" are employed here for other terms are not yet in common usage.

In some of the cases investigated by the police the children concerned appear to have been very ignorant of the rudimentary facts of the subject. In other cases they showed knowledge far in advance of what would be expected. This advanced knowledge was, however, only in respect of isolated portions of the subject.

The striking contrast between ignorant and precocious children confirms the view that a statement is required as to when the information should be given, who should give it, and what should be its source.

=(1) When Should This Information be Given?=

The best time to give any information is when a child asks a question.

The simple answer giving no more than is necessary is the desirable one.

The question "Mummy, where do babies come from"? should not involve a dissertation on s.e.x. If this method of approach is clearly understood, the parent need never be worried about the time to impart information.

=(2) Who Should Give This Information?=

As children show varying degrees of curiosity concerning the subject at varying ages, the initial information should not be given as part of school instruction, but should come from a parent or parent-subst.i.tute.

Since parents are obviously those best suited for imparting this knowledge, why do they so frequently fail to carry out this duty--a failure that is not restricted to any intellectual or economic group?

First, there is a sense of guilt in parents concerning s.e.xual relations, born out of their own unfortunate initiation into a knowledge of a subject discussion of which was generally frowned upon in their young days.

Secondly, there is a real difficulty. As the s.e.x organs are also the channels for the elimination of waste, exaggerated modesty often hinders discussion.