Lincoln's Yarns and Stories Part 19

"The tumult gave evidence to those below that the mistake was certain.

"At last they all came down and had a long conversation about who made the mistake, but it could not be decided.

"So ended the chapter."

The original ma.n.u.script of "The Chronicles of Reuben" was last in the possession of Redmond Grigsby, of Rockport, Indiana. A newspaper which had obtained a copy of the "Chronicles," sent a reporter to interview Elizabeth Grigsby, or Aunt Betsy, as she was called, and asked her about the famous ma.n.u.script and the mistake made at the double wedding.

"Yes, they did have a joke on us," said Aunt Betsy. "They said my man got into the wrong room and Charles got into my room. But it wasn't so.

Lincoln just wrote that for mischief. Abe and my man often laughed about that."

LIKELY TO DO IT.

An officer, having had some trouble with General Sherman, being very angry, presented himself before Mr. Lincoln, who was visiting the camp, and said, "Mr. President, I have a cause of grievance. This morning I went to General Sherman and he threatened to shoot me."

"Threatened to shoot you?" asked Mr. Lincoln. "Well, (in a stage whisper) if I were you I would keep away from him; if he threatens to shoot, I would not trust him, for I believe he would do it."

"THE ENEMY ARE 'OURN'"

Early in the Presidential campaign of 1864, President Lincoln said one night to a late caller at the White House:

"We have met the enemy and they are 'ourn!' I think the cabal of obstructionists 'am busted.' I feel certain that, if I live, I am going to be re-elected. Whether I deserve to be or not, it is not for me to say; but on the score even of remunerative chances for speculative service, I now am inspired with the hope that our disturbed country further requires the valuable services of your humble servant. 'Jordan has been a hard road to travel,' but I feel now that, notwithstanding the enemies I have made and the faults I have committed, I'll be dumped on the right side of that stream.

"I hope, however, that I may never have another four years of such anxiety, tribulation and abuse. My only ambition is and has been to put down the rebellion and restore peace, after which I want to resign my office, go abroad, take some rest, study foreign governments, see something of foreign life, and in my old age die in peace with all of the good of G.o.d's creatures."

"AND--HERE I AM!"

An old acquaintance of the President visited him in Was.h.i.+ngton. Lincoln desired to give him a place. Thus encouraged, the visitor, who was an honest man, but wholly inexperienced in public affairs or business, asked for a high office, Superintendent of the Mint.

The President was aghast, and said: "Good gracious! Why didn't he ask to be Secretary of the Treasury, and have done with it?"

Afterward, he said: "Well, now, I never thought Mr.---- had anything more than average ability, when we were young men together. But, then, I suppose he thought the same thing about me, and--here I am!"

SAFE AS LONG AS THEY WERE GOOD.

At the celebrated Peace Conference, whereat there was much "pow-wow"

and no result, President Lincoln, in response to certain remarks by the Confederate commissioners, commented with some severity upon the conduct of the Confederate leaders, saying they had plainly forfeited all right to immunity from punishment for their treason.

Being positive and unequivocal in stating his views concerning individual treason, his words were of ominous import. There was a pause, during which Commissioner Hunter regarded the speaker with a steady, searching look. At length, carefully measuring his words, Mr. Hunter said:

"Then, Mr. President, if we understand you correctly, you think that we of the Confederacy have committed treason; are traitors to your Government; have forfeited our rights, and are proper subjects for the hangman. Is not that about what your words imply?"

"Yes," replied President Lincoln, "you have stated the proposition better than I did. That is about the size of it!"

Another pause, and a painful one succeeded, and then Hunter, with a pleasant smile remarked:

"Well, Mr. Lincoln, we have about concluded that we shall not be hanged as long as you are President--if we behave ourselves."

And Hunter meant what he said.

"SMELT NO ROYALTY IN OUR CARRIAGE."

On one occasion, in going to meet an appointment in the southern part of the Sucker State--that section of Illinois called Egypt--Lincoln, with other friends, was traveling in the "caboose" of a freight train, when the freight was switched off the main track to allow a special train to pa.s.s.

Lincoln's more aristocratic rival (Stephen A. Douglas) was being conveyed to the same town in this special. The pa.s.sing train was decorated with banners and flags, and carried a band of music, which was playing "Hail to the Chief."

As the train whistled past, Lincoln broke out in a fit of laughter, and said: "Boys, the gentleman in that car evidently smelt no royalty in our carriage."

h.e.l.l A MILE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

Ward Lamon told this story of President Lincoln, whom he found one day in a particularly gloomy frame of mind. Lamon said:

"The President remarked, as I came in, 'I fear I have made Senator Wade, of Ohio, my enemy for life.'

"'How?' I asked.

"'Well,' continued the President, 'Wade was here just now urging me to dismiss Grant, and, in response to something he said, I remarked, "Senator, that reminds me of a story."'

"'What did Wade say?' I inquired of the President.

"'He said, in a petulant way,' the President responded, '"It is with you, sir, all story, story! You are the father of every military blunder that has been made during the war. You are on your road to h.e.l.l, sir, with this government, by your obstinacy, and you are not a mile off this minute."'

"'What did you say then?'

"I good-naturedly said to him,' the President replied, '"Senator, that is just about from here to the Capitol, is it not?" He was very angry, grabbed up his hat and cane, and went away.'"

HIS "GLa.s.s HACK"

President Lincoln had not been in the White House very long before Mrs.