The Covent Garden Theatre Part 5

Pas.

They will be a very proper Match, Madam.

Dia.

Most proper, Your humble Servant Seignior.

Pas.

Your Lords.h.i.+ps most Obedient.

Hyd.

This, Mr. Pasquin, is a plain honest Citizen. He is called honest Solomon Common Sense; If you can please him, and make him Your friend, he can influence a large Number in your Favour; which will be of more Service to you than the Approbation of all the Pitt-- Maitres, Critics, and Wou'd-be Witts, from St. James's to White Chappel.

Pas.

I have often heard of the Gentleman, he is in great Esteem amongst Our best Critics abroad, and I shall make it my particular Study to merit his Approbation.

Com.

Mr. Pasquin you have it already. I like your manner of exposing the Follies of the Public extremely. Your making the Theatre the Scene of Action, and the Censure and Approbation of the Audience the Chorusses to your Characters upon the Stage, is quite New, and very happily immagin'd. But now you have made us acquainted with your Characters.

I think the sooner you throw them into Action and come to a Conclusion the better.

Pas.

Sir your Criticism is very just; And if Marforio is return'd I will proceed to an Examination of the Culprits and close for this night.

(#Goes to ye side of the Scene#) Promptor, is Marforio come back?

Prom.

No Sir.

Pas.

Gentlemen & Ladies, I cannot possibly proceed till he returns. I reckon he will be here in about five Minutes; till then I shall take it as a Favour if you will step into the Green Room; and, in the mean time The Musick, by way of Act Tune, may play G.o.d save Great George Our King, to keep the Audience in Humour.

Omn: Admirable! with all Our Hearts. G.o.d save the King. (#Ext Singing G.o.d save Great George#)

Act. 2.

Enter. All the Characters.

Pas.

Gentlemen and Ladies, pray take Your Places, and now Marforio make your return.

Mar.

Why, this being Masquerade Night there are no Drums or Routs. So we have taken up but a very few-- But, as I return'd me Guide led me to the other Play House, from whence, by the unanimous Consent of the Audience I have brought away a disorderly Lady.

Pas.

Produce her.

Marforio brings on Miss Giggle.

Miss Brill.

Miss Giggle as I live, dear Creature what brings you here?

Gig.

This Exotic Gentleman, by an Authority from Apollo, as he says----

Omn.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Pas.

Pray what is the Lady's Offence?

Mar.

Disturbing the Audience.

Pas.

In what manner.

Gig.

Why, I'll tell you Mr. Pasquin. You must know the Play was a Tragedy; and several of the Audience were ridiculous enough to cry at it-- And so Sr. Charles Empty and I were diverting Our selves with laughing at the various Strange Tragical Faces the Animals, exhibited, that's all.

Omn.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Gig.

Upon this the Goths fell a hissing-- & cry'd out-- out-- out--

Sr. Eter.

O the Savages!

Mar.

But there is a further Charge against this Lady; She is said to be a common Nusance at the Theatres; and that She frequently Sets the whole House in a t.i.tter to the Confusion of the Actors, & the general disturbance of the Audience, by constantly exposing her Nudities to Publick View, contrary to the Ideas of female Modesty, and the Laws of Decency.

Miss Dy.

O fye Seignior, how can you make use of so indelicate an Expression.

A Lady's Nudities, why, you might as well have said-- I vow it is almost plain English, I protest such an Expression is enough to get your Farce hiss'd off the Stage--

Pas.

I am extremely Sorry the Phrase offends your Ladys.h.i.+p, but if you will Subst.i.tute any other.

Dia.

I think Mr. Drawcansir when those Objects are to be expos'd that-- a Lady's Proturberances, her Snow b.a.l.l.s, or her Lover's Amus.e.m.e.nts-- wou'd be much more delicate.

Sr. Rog.

You are very right Madam, and if they happen to be of the immense kind-- Cupid's Kettle Drums Mr. Pasquin, wou'd not be an-- unelegant Phrase, ha, ha, ha.

Omn.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.