Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 19

The guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a dinner-party. If "not at home," a married lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her husband's; a widow should leave one of her own cards; a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards.

The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between intimate friends, and the call often omitted altogether; and this more particularly as regards gentlemen, whose occupations during the day are considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling.

=Country Dinner-Parties.=--In the country, new acquaintances, if neighbours, should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call if possible, and the return invitation should be given within the following month.

When guests are a.s.sembled at a country house, they are sent in to dinner, on the first evening, according to their individual precedence; but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, but this is more a practice with people who march with the times, than with what are termed "old-fas.h.i.+oned people."

When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening, drawing lots gives way to precedency, it being too familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-party.

=Saying Grace=, both before and after dinner, is a matter of feeling rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much the custom to say "grace," but of late years it is oftener omitted than not, especially at large dinner-parties in town.

In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should be asked to say grace. When grace is said by the host, it is said in a low voice, and in a very few words; the guests inclining their heads the while.

It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras; no polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into plates, or to spread b.u.t.ter with the thumb; on the contrary, these things righted themselves little by little, step by step, until the present code of manners was arrived at. But it is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the present century offered wide scope for improvement.

In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular, eccentric, old-fas.h.i.+oned, unconventional, or any other adjective that the temper of their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms, either small or great.

=Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their Husbands=, and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to accompany them. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and circ.u.mstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather than large ones.

During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends, though she might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances; but, as a rule, when it is well known that the head of a house is away for any length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of large dinners.

When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father, mother or brother; but occasionally, when a young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parents', the young ladies are invited alone, and they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's carriage.

FOOTNOTES:

[3] Respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert, see the work ent.i.tled "Waiting at Table."

[4] See the work ent.i.tled "Waiting at Table."

CHAPTER XIV

DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE

Fas.h.i.+on has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent, but when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight as they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical as it may seem, they are as important as they are insignificant; still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did duty for forks, and that it was not customary for a host to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious enough to require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets.

There are here and there people in society who affect a few eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities; and even then are only indulged in by those whose position in society is secure.

=As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.=--When a lady has taken her seat at the dinner-table, she should at once remove her gloves; although occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner, but this is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the serviette.

A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread, placing the one across his knees, and the other at his right or left hand.

When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she should remove her serviette before doing so: otherwise a servant would offer her soup before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so on through every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc.

=The guests should consult the menu= on first sitting down to dinner.

Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin. In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is "eaten"; whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon.

There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is nothing if it is not hot, and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to each person, it is eaten quicker, and therefore hotter, with a large spoon than with a small one.

There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quant.i.ties of soup being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the extent of the menu; and when a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply, he fears that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is nothing much to follow.

Again, small helpings require a smaller quant.i.ty of soup to be provided, and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup than plates that are half full.

At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it is also eaten with a table-spoon, but not when served in small cups.

Many years ago it was fas.h.i.+onable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish, and a crust of bread was subst.i.tuted for the knife. This fas.h.i.+on lasted a considerable time, in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the plate, and to this day old-fas.h.i.+oned people have a predilection for that crust of bread. One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork. This fas.h.i.+on had its little day, but at length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory, and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver fish-knife and fork which are now in general use.

Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate.

=When oysters are given= they precede the soup, and should be eaten with a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork. In eating oysters the sh.e.l.l should be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand, the oysters should not be cut, but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, while others refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat them. Perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired.

Some men are very, if not over, fastidious, about the appet.i.tes displayed by ladies, and would have them reject the _entrees_ and dine upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on the contrary, respect a good appet.i.te as giving proof of good health and good digestion. There is of course a medium in all things, and as large dinners are ordered mainly with a view to please the palates of men with epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given, but should rather select the plainest on the menu. This remark more particularly applies to young ladies and young married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please, without provoking comment or even observation.

=With reference to entrees=, some are eaten with a knife and fork, others with a fork only. All _entrees_ that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, _filet de b[oe]uf_, sweetbreads, etc., but when _rissoles_, patties, _quenelles_, boneless curry, _vol-au-vents_, _timbales_, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.

In the case of the lighter _entrees_, the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these _bonnes bouches_ the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them.

The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from b.r.e.a.s.t.s and wings to offer them. Under these circ.u.mstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady.

Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be in its _premiere jeunesse_.

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appet.i.te. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually accepted by them.

=When large potatoes are served= in their skins a salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them.

=When asparagus first comes into season= it is often given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either.

In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fas.h.i.+on of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork.

Sea-kale also is given in the second course when first in season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.

Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.

It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well-bred men.

Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel, but at dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes.