Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 35

=At a ball or evening-party= a hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase, and should remain there until the majority, if not all, of the guests have arrived.

As the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands with each, addressing some courteous observation the while, not with a view of inducing them to linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting them to enter the ball-room to make way for other guests.

At a ball given at a country house the hostess should stand at the door of the ball-room and receive her guests. When the guests have duly arrived, a hostess at a country-house ball or country-house theatricals should exert herself to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find them partners. In town she is not required to do this. If the chaperons have apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own relatives, if she cannot give much of her own attention to them, and she should arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper.

=At large afternoon "at homes"= the hostess receives her guests at the open door of the drawing-room, and has little more time to bestow upon each than at a ball or an "at home." At small afternoon "at homes" she should receive them in the drawing-room, and should rise and shake hands with each arrival.

A hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room, and should shake hands with each in the order of arrival. She occasionally finds it a trying ordeal to sustain conversation between the arrival of dinner guests and the dinner being served; sometimes this is prolonged for three-quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest who must be waited for. A hostess should, although she knows that her dinner is spoilt by being thus kept back, endeavour to make the time pa.s.s as pleasantly as possible, by rendering the conversation general and by making the guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can tide over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from half to three-quarters of an hour is hardly perceived, proves herself to be ent.i.tled to be considered a good hostess.

CHAPTER XLI

THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC b.a.l.l.s

=Ladies are frequently solicited= to allow their names to be placed on the lists of lady patronesses of charity b.a.l.l.s. A ball committee is desirous of obtaining a list of influential names to lend _eclat_ and prestige to the ball, and a charity ball often numbers amongst its lady patronesses the names of many of the leading members of the n.o.bility, followed by those of the wives of the leading county gentry, or by the princ.i.p.al residents of a watering-place or county town; but it is understood, as a rule, that the duty of giving vouchers or tickets for a charity ball is undertaken by those ladies who are more directly interested in it, whose husbands are on the committee, who make a point of annually attending it, and thus are princ.i.p.ally concerned in keeping it select; and although in many counties and in many towns lady patronesses, members of the n.o.bility, do attend, yet it not unfrequently happens that out of a long list of great ladies only three or four are present at a ball.

The members of the leading n.o.bility and gentry of a neighbourhood invariably lend their names to local charity b.a.l.l.s, and head the list of patrons and patronesses, but beyond lending their names, and in some cases sending a subscription of money towards the funds of the charity, or a present of game towards the supper, they have very little to do with the ball itself, which is practically in the hands of the local stewards. The exceptions to this rule are the charity b.a.l.l.s held in town during the season, such as the Royal Caledonian Ball, the Yorks.h.i.+re, the Wilts.h.i.+re, and the Somersets.h.i.+re Societies' b.a.l.l.s. On these occasions many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the b.a.l.l.s.

When ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball, they usually notify to the committee whether they will or will not undertake the duty of giving vouchers or tickets, as the case may be. Some ball committees arrange that vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses, to be subsequently exchanged for tickets, signed and filled in with the name of the person to whom the ticket is given. The lady patronesses in this case receive the money charged for the tickets, and forward it to the committee after the ball, with any tickets that they may not have disposed of.

The ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are generally those who possess a large acquaintance, whose husbands are members of clubs; therefore, if any person ought to be tabooed for some good social reason, the lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands'

knowledge, and are thus able to give a polite refusal when tickets are applied for for persons who are not altogether desirable.

It is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady patronesses of a large ball to keep it thoroughly select, and if not very particular respecting those for whom tickets are granted, a ball, though a full one, is likely to prove a very mixed affair, if not somewhat objectionable, by reason of the presence of persons to whom tickets should never have been granted, on moral if not on social grounds; and though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the increase of numbers, through a general willingness on the part of the committee or the lady patronesses to grant tickets to every one who may apply for them, yet such policy is very short-sighted, and is seldom practised by those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter, as it is fatal to the reputation of a ball if persons who are objectionable are present at it.

In the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of doubtful antecedents, a lady patroness's best course is to refer the applicant to the ball committee for tickets or vouchers.

=Persons not well received in society=, or who have ostracised themselves, have a predilection for public b.a.l.l.s, and make every effort to obtain tickets of admission; and in some cases, when a refusal has been p.r.o.nounced by the committee of a ball, the committee has been threatened with legal proceedings.

Unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses, it not being considered advisable to place the discretion of granting tickets in their hands, lest their ignorance of the world should be taken advantage of.

=The lady patronesses of a charity ball= who undertake to give vouchers or to sell tickets, usually exert themselves to the utmost in inducing as many of their friends as possible to attend the ball.

It depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether tickets are presented or not to the lady patronesses and stewards; but if the funds of the charity are not at a very low ebb, this is generally done in recognition of their services.

The responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription b.a.l.l.s are light in comparison with those of public charity b.a.l.l.s, as persons who attend subscription b.a.l.l.s are usually on the visiting lists of one or other of the lady patronesses, while with regard to county b.a.l.l.s, lady patronesses are not usually concerned in the disposal of the tickets.

CHAPTER XLII

PERIODS OF MOURNING

=The Various Periods of Mourning= for relatives have within the last few years been materially shortened, and the change generally accepted; but as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by custom, in the present chapter both periods are given, and it entirely depends upon individual feeling and circ.u.mstances which of the two periods is observed.

The time-honoured custom of wearing c.r.a.pe has greatly declined, and with the exception of widows, many do not wear it at all, while others wear it as a tr.i.m.m.i.n.g only.

A slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning colours, which are now more worn than black and white during the half-mourning period.

=Court Mourning= when enjoined is imperative, the orders respecting which are minutely given from the Lord Chamberlain's office and published in the official _Gazette_; but these orders only apply to persons connected with the Court, or to persons attending Courts, Levees, State b.a.l.l.s, State Concerts, etc.

When the order for general mourning is given on the death of any member of the Royal Family, the order applies to all, although it is optional whether the general public comply with it or not.

=The Longest Period for a Widow's Mourning= is two years. The shorter period is eighteen months. Formerly c.r.a.pe was worn for one year and nine months; for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered with c.r.a.pe. The newer fas.h.i.+on in widows' mourning is to wear c.r.a.pe as a tr.i.m.m.i.n.g only, and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months, while some few widows do not wear it at all during their mourning, it being optional wear.

=Half-Mourning= in the longer period commences after a year and nine months, and is worn for three months. In the shorter period half-mourning may commence after fifteen months, and be continued for three months.

The period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a year and a day. The veil may be _crepe lisse_ or _chiffon_ in place of c.r.a.pe. It is now the fas.h.i.+on for young widows to wear the cap as a head-dress only, while others do not wear it at all.

Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year, or for six months only, or not at all. After the first year white neckbands and white strings to the bonnet may be worn. Also hats in place of bonnets.

Further touches of white may follow during the next three months.

After a year gold ornaments may be worn; diamonds earlier.

=Widowers= should wear mourning for one year; they usually enter society after three months.

=For a Parent= the period of mourning is twelve months; ten months black, two months half-mourning, or eight months black and four months half-mourning. The black may be relieved with touches of white after three months. c.r.a.pe is optional; many prefer not to wear it at all, others as a tr.i.m.m.i.n.g.

Diamonds--earrings, brooches; etc.--before gold, at the end of three months.

=For a Son or Daughter= the period of mourning is identical with the foregoing.

=For very Young Children or Infants= the mourning is frequently shortened by half this period, or even to three months.

=For a Stepmother.=--The period of mourning depends upon whether the stepdaughters reside at home or not, or whether their father has been long married, or whether their father's second wife has filled the place of mother to them, in which case the period of mourning would be for twelve months, otherwise the period is six months--four months black relieved with touches of white after two months, followed by two months half-mourning.

=For a Brother or Sister= the longest period of mourning is six months, the shortest period four months.

During the longest period, viz. six months, black should be worn for five months, with a little white after two months, half-mourning for one month. After one month diamonds, pins, and brooches, etc.; gold after two months.

During the shortest period, viz. four months, black should be worn for two months, half-mourning two months.