Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 38

A wedding-cake occupies a prominent place on the table, and the dinner-table decorations consist of white flowers interspersed with silver.

=At the Silver Wedding dance=, the husband and wife dance the first dance together, and subsequently lead the way into the supper-room arm-in-arm, and later on their health is proposed by the princ.i.p.al guest present.

The wife should wear white and silver, or grey and silver.

In the country, when a Silver Wedding is celebrated, the festivities sometimes range over three days, but this only in the case of prominent and wealthy people; b.a.l.l.s, dinners, and school-treats being given, in which the neighbours, tenants, villagers and servants take part.

=Golden Weddings.=--The celebration of a Golden Wedding is rather an English custom, and one that from circ.u.mstances can be but seldom observed. It denotes that fifty years of married life have pa.s.sed over the heads of husband and wife, and is a solemn rather than a festive epoch. Presents on this occasion are not so generally given, and children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances make up the circle of those who offer congratulations.

CHAPTER XLV

SUBSCRIPTION DANCES

=Subscription= dances are now an established fact, but whether they will ever really become a rival to the dance proper remains to be seen; yet as they supply a want felt, and are recognised by society, the arrangements necessary for carrying them out should be duly noted.

During the winter months they are a feature in certain sets: Subscription dances, private Subscription dances and public Subscription dances, the latter got up for charitable purposes.

The moderate expenses incurred by giving private Subscription dances commend them to many, and there are other reasons to account for their popularity. They are without pretension to being considered smart or exclusive, and are essentially small and early dances. Fas.h.i.+onable ball-goers are not expected to attend them. They commence at 9 o'clock and terminate at 12, light refreshments in lieu of supper are provided, as at an afternoon "at home." (See p. 153.) A piano band is considered sufficient for the purpose, and floral decorations are scarcely ever attempted. The invitations are issued on "at home" cards, with the words "Subscription Dance" printed in one corner.

=Subscription= dances are sometimes invitation dances and sometimes not.

Tickets for these dances are charged for singly or by the series as the case may be. A certain number of ladies form a committee and agree to give a certain number of dances, and the expenses are either borne by the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of the tickets. If invitation dances, a certain number of invitations are allotted to each lady. When otherwise, the ladies dispose of the tickets among their friends. These dances are usually held in a mansion hired for the purpose, and there are several available in different parts of the West End, where s.p.a.cious rooms can be hired on very moderate terms; in some instances a piano, seats, and other accessories are also included.

=Public Subscription= dances are held in public rooms or Town Halls, and vouchers are given by ladies on the committee previous to tickets being granted.

The same etiquette holds good at Subscription dances as at other public dances. The early hour at which these dances take place recommends them to some and altogether renders them impossible to others, notably to those who dine late, and who are not inclined to dance at nine o'clock or even at ten o'clock, and who rather resent the frugal style of refreshments offered, and consider that a champagne supper is an indispensable adjunct to a dance.

It should be remembered that Subscription dances were first originated for the amus.e.m.e.nt of very young people, and it was never expected that they would compete with the fas.h.i.+onable small dances of the day; their popularity was a surprise, and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them in contempt there are others less fas.h.i.+onable and less wealthy who find them very much to their taste.

The great difficulty, however, that ladies have to contend with is the fact that very few men can be induced to attend them, and that those who do accept invitations or purchase tickets are very young men, who have their way to make in the world, and are as yet on the lower rungs of the ladder, and as young ladies are very much in the majority at these Subscription dances, to dance with partners younger than themselves is an almost inevitable result for those who are no longer in their teens.

CHAPTER XLVI

GIVING PRESENTS

As regards presents in general it should be understood that a present demands a note of thanks in all cases when the thanks cannot be verbally expressed. The notes to slight acquaintances should be written in the third person. To friends, in the first person. This applies equally to presents of game, poultry, fruit, or flowers. Some few people entertain the erroneous idea that presents of this nature do not require thanks.

This is not only ungracious but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver as to whether the present sent has been duly received.

=Wedding Presents.=--When an engagement has been duly announced to relatives and friends, and it is understood that it is to be a short one, wedding presents may be sent until the day before the wedding-day, and the earlier they are sent the more convenient it is for the bride, as she is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver. In each case a letter should be sent with the present expressing the congratulations and best wishes of the donor, and, if possible, a card with the name of the giver should be attached to it for identification when the presents are exhibited.

The friends of the bridegroom, and unacquainted with the bride, should send their presents to him, and he should send them to the house of the bride's mother after having written notes of thanks to the givers.

=Christening Presents.=--With regard to christening presents the G.o.dfathers and G.o.dmothers are expected to make presents to their G.o.dchild; these should be sent the day before the christening, and should consist of a silver mug and silver fork and spoon from the G.o.dfathers, while a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from the G.o.dmothers. A present of money from 5_s._ to 1 should be made to the nurse on the day of the christening when the G.o.dparents are relatives, but oftener than not the sponsors are represented by proxy.

=Giving Tips to Servants.=--The tips expected from ladies at the conclusion of a visit of some days, are: To the head housemaid from 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ according to the length of the visit. The same to the butler or single-handed man-servant, and the same to the chauffeur.

Young ladies give less when visiting by themselves.

The tips expected from gentlemen are: To the butler or footman who valets them, to the chauffeur if he drives them to and from the station, to the groom if he takes charge of their hunters, also to the head housemaid. The tip to the butler or footman who acts as valet is for a long visit from 5_s._ to 10_s._, and for a short visit from 3_s._ to 5_s._ To the chauffeur 5_s._ in the first case, and from 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ in the second. To the housemaid, 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ For tips to gamekeeper, see p. 223.

The tips given to hotel servants vary according to the length of the visit. To the head waiter from 5_s._ to 10_s._ To the second waiter from 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ To the hall porter, 2_s._ to 3_s._ To the luggage porter, 1_s._ to 2_s._ To the head housemaid in attendance, 2_s._ 6_d._ to 4_s._

CHAPTER XLVII

CHRISTENING PARTIES

=Christening Parties= may be said to be strictly family gatherings, only the near relatives of the parents being invited on these occasions.

=The Invitations= are given in friendly notes, and are not issued on "at home" cards. The notice averages from a week to ten days according to circ.u.mstances, meaning the health and strength of the infant's mother.

=As a Rule Six Weeks= are allowed to elapse between the birth of the child and the date of the christening.

=The Relatives are either invited= to luncheon after the ceremony, or to a reception tea, or to a dinner-party to be given the same evening. If a luncheon is decided upon it generally takes place at 1.30, or earlier, immediately on the return from the church. The meal usually consists of hot viands--game or poultry--not substantial joints. Hot and cold sweets. Fruit to follow. A smart christening cake should occupy the centre of the table. Champagne, claret, and sherry are given, although the former is probably the only one of the three drunk on the occasion; this, when the health of the infant is proposed--the only health which finds acceptance at these gatherings.

=The Guests go in to Luncheon= quite informally, the ladies and hostess entering first, followed by the men guests and the host. They should be seated at table by the help of name cards, each lady being placed at the right hand of a gentleman. The clergyman who performs the ceremony, if a friend, should sit at the hostess's left hand, and should be asked to say grace; but in town he seldom joins these family gatherings unless well acquainted with his paris.h.i.+oners.

=A Reception Tea=, when given, is served in the dining-room; but in this case the guests are received on arrival by the hostess in the drawing-room, and when all have arrived, she accompanies them to the tea-room and remains there with them. The maid-servants should pour out and hand the tea and coffee across the tea-table, but the hostess should hand the cakes, etc., to her relatives, a.s.sisted by the host, if present. The refreshments consist of the usual variety in confectionery seen at all smart "at homes," a christening cake being the addition.

=Christening Dinner-Parties= closely resemble all other family functions of this nature, with the exception that the infant's health is drunk at dessert, and that a christening cake is placed opposite the hostess when the table is cleared for dessert.

=The Christening Ceremony= takes place in the afternoon, usually at 2.30. The relatives on arrival at the church seat themselves in pews or on chairs near to the font. The G.o.dmother holds the infant during the first part of the service, and then places it on the left arm of the officiating clergyman. One of the G.o.dfathers should name the child in response to the clergyman's question. If the child is a girl, two G.o.dmothers and one G.o.dfather are necessary. If a boy, two G.o.dfathers and one G.o.dmother are required. These G.o.dparents are usually the intimate friends of the child's mother. In certain instances the relatives are chosen for the office of G.o.dfather and G.o.dmother, but oftener not for family reasons.

=Christening Presents= vary according to means and inclination, and often comprise gifts of jewellery when the infant is a girl, and money and silver plate if a boy; silver spoons, forks, mugs, bowls, etc. The selection is a wide one, and nothing comes amiss, from a robe with fine lace to a chain and pendant or a jewelled watch. These presents are usually sent the day previous to that of the christening.