Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 9

In German t.i.tles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom used colloquially, the t.i.tle and surname being used without the prefix of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte."

Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their t.i.tle and surname, and not by their t.i.tle only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but in the case of a French or Italian t.i.tle the "de" or "de la" before the surname should on no account be omitted.

When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but only thorough intimacy and friends.h.i.+p warrants this familiarity.

=As regards addressing the Clergy=, an archbishop should be addressed colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper cla.s.ses, and as "Your Grace"

by the clergy and all other cla.s.ses.

A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper cla.s.ses, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other cla.s.ses.

A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper cla.s.ses, and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy.

An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as "Canon Blank."

The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no t.i.tle from the spiritual rank of their husbands.

=Officers in the Army= should be respectively addressed as "General A.,"

"Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General,"

"Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends.

The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs.

C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.,"

"Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D."

A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only, as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of him without the prefix of "Mr."

The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or "My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only.

A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his wife by the initial letter of his surname.

When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not come within the rules of etiquette.

Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the name attached to their t.i.tle, in place of using their christian or family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blanks.h.i.+re" would be styled "Blanks.h.i.+re"

by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would be "Blanks.h.i.+re," without the addition of any christian name.

Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."

The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."

The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as "Lady A."

CHAPTER VII

POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES

General society is now very frequently brought into contact with royalty--members of the Royal Family of England and members of various royal families of Europe.

With His Majesty this a.s.sociation is of frequent occurrence as regards the general public, and persons possessing special interest are constantly brought into communication with him.

Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits from the same.

The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the n.o.bility and gentry.

The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts--Austria, Russia, Greece, etc.--is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our sh.o.r.es, that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party.

On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general.

When royal personages visit London for a few weeks, whether located at palace, emba.s.sy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to stay at their princely mansions.

When such visits are paid, the princ.i.p.al neighbours are usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ----,"

or "Her Serene Highness the Grand d.u.c.h.ess of ----," etc.; but a hostess exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues.

If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favoured few.

The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the royal visitors, even if calls are due.

The princ.i.p.al people of a county who happen to be present at an entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been first solicited.

When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B., to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be presented.

When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made, and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and make one or two pa.s.sing remarks.

A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first opportunity.

The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those moving in the set of the expected prince.

For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, see Chapter VI.

=As regards royal invitations=, all invitations from the Sovereign are commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word "command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be stated.

Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued.

Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and reasons given for non-acceptance.

A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a royal invitation.

When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal also.

At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of eastern princes.

=Henceforward there are to be= in Great Britain no Princes or Princesses other than those of the Blood Royal. Only the children and grandchildren of the Sovereign will hold princely rank; the t.i.tles of "Highness" and "Serene Highness" will disappear; and that of "Royal Highness" will be reserved to the direct descendants of the King in the male line.