Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 44

TOWNSMAN. As long as you have your tongue, my dear, you are not defenseless.

TOWNSWOMAN. It is your business to talk to him. [_Kisses the Child._]

My poor little Phillip! Your father is no man.

TOWNSMAN. I was before I got married. [_Crosses to the American._] Sir, my name is Aristide Beaurepard.

AMERICAN. Is that my fault?

TOWNSMAN. I am the father of a family.

AMERICAN. I am very sorry for you, indeed.

TOWNSMAN. I have a wife and children--

AMERICAN. You have only yourself to blame.

TOWNSMAN. Your dog--

AMERICAN. I have no desire to discuss dogs with you. I don't believe you know anything about thoroughbred dogs. Waiter, sit this man down in his place.

TOWNSMAN. This is I must say, this is--

WAITER. Monsieur, you must not make a racket around you. This is a first cla.s.s establishment. A real prince once dined here, I would have you understand. Come on now, if you please. [_Leads Townsman back to his seat._]

TOWNSMAN [_sits unwillingly_]. Not a centime tip will that fellow get from me. Not a centime.

AMERICAN. Waiter, Waiter, bring my dog a portion of liver, and not too fat. And a roast potato.

BEGGAR. [_Coming down C._] [_Jumps up, cries out wildly._] I can't stand any more. For eight days I have not had a warm morsel of food in my stomach. I am not a human being any more. I'll kill myself. [_Runs to the edge of the dock and jumps overboard._] [_The splash of the water is heard. The Townswoman and the Waiter call "help, help!" Whereupon, from every side a crowd collects so that the entire background is filled with people staring into the water._]

TOWNSWOMAN. For G.o.d's sake he has thrown himself into the Seine. Oh, G.o.d! Oh, G.o.d!

OMNES. He's in the river!

AMERICAN. [_At table Right._] What a noisy place this is.

[_Townsman at center throws off his coat and is unb.u.t.toning his vest when his wife seizes him._]

TOWNSWOMAN. [_Center._] [_Whimpering._] Aristide, remember you have a wife and children.

TOWNSMAN. That is why I want to do it.

TOWNSWOMAN. Aristide, I'll jump in after you--as true as I live I'll jump in after you.

TOWNSMAN. [_Slowly puts his coat on again._] Then I won't do it. [_Goes with her into the crowd._]

A VOICE. Get the life buoy. [_Willing hands try to unloosen the life buoy, but it sticks._]

ANOTHER VOICE. Let that life buoy alone. Don't you see the sign "Do not touch"?

A MAN. The buoy is no good. It will not work.

ANOTHER MAN. Of course not. It's city property.

COCOTTE [_shuddering_]. I can't look at it. [_Comes back to her table._]

A WOMAN. Look! He's come up! Over there!

CHILD. I can't see.

TOWNSWOMAN. My little heart of gold [_to her husband_]. Why don't you lift him up? Don't you hear that the child can't see? [_Townsman takes the child on his shoulder._]

YOUNG MAN [_coming back to table_]. These people are utterly heartless.

It is revolting.

AMERICAN [_loudly_]. I'll bet twenty dollars he drowns. Who'll take the bet? Twenty dollars.

YOUNG MAN. Are you a man or a beast?

AMERICAN. Young man, better shut your mouth. [_Fills his gla.s.s._]

YOUNG MAN. Does no one hear know the meaning of Altruism?

ARTIST. Altruism! Ha, ha! [_Laughs scornfully._] Love of one's neighbor.

G.o.d preserve mankind from Altruism!

COCOTTE. What do you mean? You are not in earnest?

ARTIST. In dead earnest. [_Some one in the crowd brings a boat hook and reaches down into the river._]

AMERICAN. I'll bet twenty-five dollars that he doesn't drown--thirty dollars! [_Disgustedly, seeing that no one takes him up._] Tightwads!

ARTIST. Life is like that. One man's success is another man's failure.

He who sacrifices himself for an idea is a hero. He who sacrifices himself for a fellow man is a fool.

YOUNG MAN [_theatrically_]. No, it is the highest, the n.o.blest of instincts. That is why my heart bleeds when I see all these people stand indifferently by while a fellow man is drowning. No one jumps in after him--

AMERICAN. Jump in yourself, young man, jump in yourself.

YOUNG MAN [_center_]. It is different with me, I am with a lady--it wouldn't be right.

AMERICAN. n.o.body will bet. This is a h.e.l.l of a bunch. They ought to see one of our n.i.g.g.e.r lynchings. [_Strokes the dog._] Poor Molly! She is so nervous. Things like this get her all excited.

[_Two Policemen enter._]

FIRST POLICEMAN. Look at the mob. Something is liable to happen there.

SECOND POLICEMAN. Isn't it forbidden for such a mob to gather on the dock?